Saturday, May 23, 2015

Paulina Phuar, KL’s hottest PR consultant, visits Master Mah, a Chinese traditional doctor

[Pixs of models for illustration only]

Master Mah, a Chinese sinseh, looks up from his desk. “Next!”

Paulina Phuar (pix above) goes from the waiting area to settle down at the chair beside Master Mah’s desk. His medical hall is tucked on the ground floor of Pak Peng Building at Petaling Street.

Master Mah (pix below) glides his gaze from Paulina’s face, cleavage and to her waist. “What’s your problem?”

“I’ve frequent dizzy spells.” Paulina massages her temples with the pads of her thumb and forefinger.

“Let me check your blood pressure.” Master Mah slips the cuff of a digital spyhgmomanometer over the upper arm of Paulina, jabs a button and reads the LED display. “Systolic pressure’s slightly high but dystolic pressure’s normal.” He places two fingers on Paulina’s wrist. “That can be due to work-related stress.” He closes his eyes for a moment. “Nothing wrong physiologically as indicated by your pulse.” He flicks his gaze at Paulina’s face. “You feel the environment’s spinning around you?”


“Are you a public relations consultant aka spin-doctor?”

A reedy breath floats from Paulina's lips in surprise. “Gee, how do you know?”

“Your dizzy spell is psychosomatic. The mind and body function as one unit. Because your mind's always spinning the truth, going round the mulberry bush, so to speak, your sense of balance has been affected.”

The whites of Paulina’s eyes expand. “Sweet thunderation! I can tweak what you’ve said into an important medical discovery! You know, create a duck out of a feather.” She adjusts her spectacles. “Appoint me as your public relations agent and I can guarantee you interviews in the Medical Journal of Malaysia and the British Medical Journal.”

“Holy blazes! That’s interesting.” Master Mah’s lips quirk as he arches an eye brow. “I never knew that PR’s like your fake boobs! What you see is not what you get.” He takes a pen and starts to write out a prescription on a pad. “I’ll give your proposal a thought.” He tears out the first sheet and hands it over to Paulina. “Boil this medicine, drink before sleeping.”

Paulina opens her handbag and takes out her name card. “Call me when you’ve decided.” She goes to the big wooden counter, and hands over the prescription sheet to the store assistant. While waiting, she notices a man -– his green necktie hanging like a stinky bean from his neck -– sidle up to the sinseh’s desk.

She overhears Master Mah ask, “What’s wrong with you?”

“My throat’s sore and my gums have boils.”

“Say aaaah.” Master Mah shines a slender torchlight at the man’s throat. “Throat is inflamed.” A pause. “Jeepers creepers! Your incisors are as sharp as fangs!” He asks in jest, “Are you a blood-sucking vampire by night?”

“Nay, I can do better than that. I’m a lawyer by day and night.”

“Your body is heaty.” He starts to scribble on his pad. “Boil this herbal prescription and drink it.”

The man's shifty eyes assess Master Mah. “By the way, if anyone wants to sue you for malpractice, gimme a call.” He fumbles in his trouser pocket for his wallet and slips out a name card. “If you can introduce a fellow sinseh as a client, I’ll be happy to give you a ten percent commission.” He jags a brow and grins. "If your fellow sinseh gets another client for me, you’ll get an over-riding commission of three percent. You know, like multi-level marketing.”

Master Mah shifts in his seat to face the man. “The other day, I saw a dead snake and a dead lawyer lying on the DUKE Highway.” He skews him with a look. “I slowed my car as I passed the mangled bodies. There were tyre skid marks around the dead snake but none around the lawyer’s corpse.”


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