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Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Jessica of Hot Legs Nitelub & Karaoke gives Chow Kah tip how to pick up a beautiful woman




[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

“Still reading that e-book on how to get a beautiful girlfriend, Chow Kah?” Jessica (pix above) asks.

Chow Kah strokes the back of Jessica's head gently. “Yes, I’m half-way through.”

“Please lend it to me when you’re done with it,” says Hussein, seated across Chow Kah.

“Sure, no problem,” says Chow Kah. He takes a gulp of his Asahi Premium Beer, puts the mug down and turns to look at Jessica, “Any tips from you, Jess? You’re a beautiful woman. Many guys have tried to pick you up before. You should know what works and what doesn’t.”

“Okay. My advice is that ‘Can I buy you a drink?’ is stale. A beautiful woman has heard it countless times. So, a better approach is to sidle up to her and ask ‘Hi there! Aren’t you going to buy me drink?’ " She raises her eyebrows. "See the difference between the two approaches? So, if she responds with 'Why should I’ or if she laughs, follow up with ‘If you meet a handsome man, you should buy him a drink, shouldn’t you?’ ”

“Wow! That’s a creative pick-up line, but I’m not handsome,” says Chow Kah.

“Never mind,” says Wati (pix below). “A display of self-confidence and humour are qualities that attract women.”




“Indeed a great suggestion,” says Chow Kah, nodding in agreement. “I’ll try it some day.”

“Why not now?” suggests Wati. “Just now, I saw a group of office workers sitting at the bar. A bunch of men and women, all in their early twenties.”

Rising from the sofa, Jessica takes a few strides to the door, opens it and sticks her head out. “They’re still there. I can see their backs.”

Chow Kah goes to the doorway and looks out. “There’s a babe wearing pants and dress shirt. She’s got nice silky long hair. Also tall -- that's my taste.” Chow Kah rubs his hands gleefully, eyes sparkling with interest. “Come guys, watch me in action.” He strides out of the karaoke room.

Jessica, Wati, Hussein and I stand in the doorway to look. I catch a whiff of perfume from the two women.

I see Chow Kah swagger up to the long-haired girl in pants and talk to her over her shoulder.

Chow Kah suddenly strides back to the karaoke room, his face as red as a lobster, while Wati (pix below) giggles. "What happened," she asks.



The long-haired babe whom Chow Kah tries to pick up turns around (bottom pix) and Wati shrieks, "Kantoi!"





/end


MY LATEST NOVEL





ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg

Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).

The book is sold in Europe and Australia at the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)


/end


Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Petaling Street's Yum Cha is one of the worst cafes in KL Chinatown





I am not overly harsh when I say that Yum Cha is one of the worst cafes in KL Chinatown. I call a spade a spade without fear or favour for the benefit of my readers. First reason, it’s located beside a cheap brothel! Stand at the sidewalk for a while and you can see Bangladeshis, Vietnamese and other foreign coolies trooping up and down the adjacent staircase. Sometimes, the brothel’s lookout –- a scruffy thug -- is stationed downstairs.




Second reason, there is no ceiling. When I was there, the heat from the yellow asbestos roof made me feel uncomfortable even though the air-conditioner and ceiling fans were at full blast.




Third reason, the décor (huh? what décor?) sucks! Old decrepit furniture and pock-marked walls with ugly paint does not encourage seat-warming after your meal. Lastly, the food is so-so. My Penang chee cheong fun was soft, not springy. The tiramisu was okay.




And there is a cutie paper bag for customers to drop in tips!

/end


Saturday, January 24, 2015

Defensive driving instructor Debbie Ding advises how to temporarily stop leaks in a car radiator




[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]

“If you see steam coming out from your radiator, it means a hole or a rupture in the seams,” says Debbie Ding, owner of Debbie School of Defensive Driving in Cheras, KL. “Don’t panic. Look around you. Is there a convenience store or a sundry store nearby? If there is, go get either a small bottle of black pepper powder or two eggs. Wait for the radiator to cool down and open the cap. Pour the black pepper powder into the radiator. Top up with water and close the cap. You can start the engine and drive. The black pepper powder will flow to the split or holes and block them. Or you can crack two eggs and pour the whites into the radiator. Once the water heats up, the egg whites get cooked and will be forced against the leaking hole. Drive to the nearest repair shop immediately. Remember, you can’t drive for a long distance with these quick-fixes.”

/end

Friday, January 23, 2015

January 26, 2015 an auspicious day, says Sifu Sabrina



[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]

My hp rings and the caller ID shows Sifu Sabrina.

“What’s up, Sifu Sabrina?”

“Can you make an announcement in your blog?”

“What about?”

“That 26 January, 2015 is an auspicious day.”

“Why you say this?”

“Add the digits of the year 2015. You get 2+0+1+5 = 8. Now add the digits of the day. 2+6 = 8. Next add the digits of the date written as 26/1/2015. You get 2+6+1+2+0+1+5 = 17. Reduce to one digit. 1+7 = 8. See? Triple 8s.”

“Wow! I never noticed it. What’s the implication?”

“It means January 26, 2015 is an auspicious day for weddings, moving house, opening a new business such as a retail store or restaurant, the signing of an important business agreement, proposing marriage to one's girlfriend or asking for a raise from one's boss."

“Thank you so much, Sifu Sabrina.”

/end

Monday, January 19, 2015

Chinese animal zodiac signs that clash with the Tai Sui for 2015, according to Sifu Sabrina




[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]

"General Yang Xian is the Duke of Jupiter or Tai Sui for 2015. The animal zodiac signs which clash with him are Goat, Ox, Rat and Dog," says Sifu Sabrina (pix below).




"Those born under those signs are advised to pray to him at a temple. Prayers can also be offered at home if there is an image of the Tai Sui."







/end

Friday, January 16, 2015

Wati of Hot Legs Niteclub reveals to Chow Kah the downside of having a beautiful girlfriend






[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

“What’s wrong with you tonight, Chow Kah?” asks Jessica (pix above). “You seem a bit unfriendly to me.” She has on a T-shirt that slips over her bare shoulders, caressing the curve of her breasts like a lover.

Sitting a foot away from Jessica, Chow Kah replies, “I just bought an e-book titled ‘How to Get a Beautiful Girlfriend’. The first guideline is never to grovel at her feet -– in other words, don’t be too nice to her. This will make the suitor stand out from the rest of the pack.”

“And you’re applying it on Jess,” Wati (pix below) chips in, “hoping to make her your girlfriend?”




I notice Hussein tracking a path down Wati’s body with his eyes.

“Of course,” Chow Kah says, looking at Jessica from the corner of his eyes.

Jessica scrunches her nose, sticks her tongue out at Chow Kah and giggles. "Fat chance!"

Wati holds Chow Kah with her gaze. “Do you know the downside of having a beautiful girlfriend?”

Chow Kah takes a sip of his Asahi Premium Beer and puts the frosted mug down. “There’s no downside. Having a bombshell will only make me happier.”

“Nonsense.” Wati runs her slender fingers through her hair. “A bombshell will only frazzle your nerves and give you sleepless nights.”

“Interesting theory, elaborate please,” Hussein says, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Wati.

Wati sits up straight. “For a start, you’ll become jealous and possessive. Every man who talks to her or is a close friend of hers is a potential competitor. If you feel insecure for whatever reason, there’ll be lots of argument and fights with her. Next, no one will notice you when you go out with her. Whether it’s a party or a networking function, the spotlight will always be on her.”

“That’s not a problem with me. I don’t attend that many functions.”

“People will also think she’s with you because of your money and that she don’t truly love you.” Wati looks around. “Anyone here who’s heard Elvis Presley’s song ‘Suspicion’?”

Chow Kah says, “Nope, I’m not that old, must be before my time!”

Wati grabs the remote control, aims it at the karaoke machine and jabs a few buttons. A few seconds later, lyrics appear on the TV monitor and she starts to sing into the mike:

“Ev'rytime you kiss me
I'm still not certain that you love me
Ev'ry time you hold me
I'm still not certain that you care
Though you keep on saying
you really, really, really love me
do you speak the same words
To someone else when I'm not there

Suspicion torments my heart
Suspicion keeps us apart
Suspicion why torture me

Ev'rytime you call me
and tell me we should meet tomorrow
I can't help but think that
you're meeting someone else tonight
Why should our romance just
keep on causing me such sorrow?
Why am I so doubtful
whenever you're out of sight?

Darling, if you love me,
I beg you wait a little longer
Wait until I drive all
these foolish fears out of my mind
How I hope and pray that
our love will keep on growing stronger
Maybe I'm suspicious
'cause true love is so hard to find.”


She ends the song to appreciative applause from everyone in the room.


“That song is absolutely spot on, Chow Kah,” Wati (pix above) says, putting the mike aside. “A beautiful girlfriend is nothing but trouble. And do you know that when the boyfriend is not his girlfriend’s equal in terms of looks, that relationship is doomed!”

“Serious, Wati?” I ask, stifling a yawn as it’s already 2 am.

“Of course, she is,” Jessica says. “Rob Burris, a psychologist at Liverpool University, discovered that a pretty woman dating an average-looking man will break up with him faster than if she was dating a handsome man. I’m serious, everybody. The results of the survey were published in the journal Personality & Social Psychology Bulletin in 2011. On the other hand, if woman was less attractive than the man, the relationship lasted longer because she was satisfied.”

Hussein adds, “This may be off-topic, but my advice is this -- don’t marry the person whom you adore, but marry the person who adores you!”

Wati says, “Chow Kah, maybe you should try to court Jessica’s sister. Not so pretty but still presentable.”

"I'll be happy to introduce my younger sister to you, Chow Kah," adds Jessica.

“Hah! That’s another sneaky trick from both you girls!” Chow Kah waves a hand to dismiss the suggestion. “No thanks, I know she’s ugly! No deal!”

Grinning, Jessica says, “When my sister was born, the gynaecologist's jaw dropped!"

Chow Kah pulls his mouth down in a scowl. “See! I knew it! She must be as ugly as dog meat!”

“Sure you don’t want to know her?” Wati asks, smiling.

“Nope!” Chow Kah shakes his head. “Over my dead body!”

“Sure, Chow Kah?” asks Jessica, smirking.

“Sure! Sure! Sure!”

Jessica leaves the karaoke room, returns with a three-by-five photo (pix below) and hands it to Chow Kah. “That’s my sister beside me.”



“Shit! I blew my chance!” exclaims Chow Kah, eyes bulging (right pix), staring at the photograph. "She's gorgeous."

Jessica purrs, "The gynaecologist became slack-jawed because she was so cute.”

/end

MY LATEST NOVEL




ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg

Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).

The book is sold in Europe and Australia at the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)


/end

Saturday, January 10, 2015