Nightclubber
Chow Kah assures me this story is a hundred percent true.
In
his reminiscence, Chow Kah parks his car in a hotel on Ipoh Road and goes to
the lobby lounge. He takes a seat at a
table near the entrance. A girl, early
twenties, enters and scans the lounge.
She’s wearing a brown tee-shirt
and jeans. Standing at the doorway, she pulls out her cell phone and calls her
client. Chow Kah’s phone buzzes and he waves his hand at her and she joins
him. On her lithe figure rests a domey
head with long hair, her features are finely chiselled, her complexion is as
white as japonica rice. They start to chat over coffee and raisin scones.
[Pixs
of models for illustration purpose only]
A
family of five people enters the lounge. The mother in the family, a
satchel-mouthed woman sees Karen and
walks straight to Chow Kah’s table.
“Lay
Ping! What a coincidence meeting you here!” the satchel-mouthed woman says.
“So, when’s your graduation?”
“Next – next year – two more semesters to go.”
The words stuttered between her lips, her face turns red.
Chow
Kah smiles and greets the satchel-mouthed woman: “Hello, Auntie.” She nods, her eyes stabbing into his, and she
re-joins her family at a nearby table.
“Goodness! She’s my mother’s friend. From my hometown Kuantan. Must be in KL for a
holiday. Can we call this booking off? I feel very uneasy.”
“What?
I can’t. I’ve produced my credit card, signed the guest form and have been
assigned a room.” He slurped his coffee. “So what, your mum’s friend saw you
having tea. Is it a crime? Just say I’m a friend.”
“This
woman’s a real busybody. She’s sure to tell my mother. Honestly, I’m worried.
Can I suggest something? Can we forget
about using the hotel room? We go to my
apartment instead. It’s in Wangsa Maju.”
“You’re
staying alone?”
“No,
with my best friend. But I’ve a room of my own.”
“You
don’t mind she sees you with me?”
“She’s
knows my part-time work.”
They
leave the lobby lounge and proceed to Karen’s two roomed flat. A stocky woman, early thirties, is watching
TV in the living room; she ignores them.
In
Karen’s room, while yang is in yin, her cell phone beside the pillow
rings. She ignores it. It rings again. She looks at the screen. “It’s my mum!”
“Ignore
her. Call her back later. Say you were
bathing.”
Karen
breaks into a sweat and pushes the phone away. Soon, she brings Chow Kah to his
peak, and with lips atingle and loins aching, he tries to pull away. She can’t
release him. He tries again. They can’t
be separated.
Chow
Kah screams: "Let go of me! Let go
of me!"
“I’m
trying, don’t shout. The neighbours may hear you.”
After
two more attempts, Karen reaches out for her cell phone and calls her flatmate.
"Winnie, it's me and my partner. We’re in deep trouble.” She pauses.
“We’re stuck.” She pauses again. “Yes, we’d sex and we’re stuck.”
Moments
later, the wooden door is slammed repeatedly from the outside. The screws at the doorjamb holding the latch
come off, tearing grains of wood. The stocky woman, ambles in. Karen and Chow
Kah, locked in an embrace, cringe in embarrassment.
“Aoooooooooh!
How can this happen?” Winnie, eyes widening, stifles a giggle. “Relax, try to
relax.” She goes to her room and returns with a bottle of Kwan Loong Medicated
Oil. She applies some oil on Karen’s temples and under her nose. “Take deep
breaths.”
Chow
Kah and Karen try to separate but fail.
“Let
me think of something else.” After considering for a moment, Winnie goes to the
bathroom and gets a bucket of water.
Returning to the bedroom, she splashes the bucket of water on the twosome.
“Nggggggggggh!”
the couple shudder, muffling their screams.
But
they are still stuck. She drenches them
a second time. No use. A third bucket. But the student hooker and her client
are still in union.
"Aoooooooooh! Why can't it work on humans?" exclaims Winnie. "I've
separated mating dogs with this method before.
No choice, but to call a doctor.”
“Get
a lady doctor,” Karen says.
“No,
no, no, I’ll die of shame,” Chow Kah shrieks. “Call a male doctor.”
“Male
or female doesn’t matter. If I can’t get a doctor, the last resort’s a hospital
ambulance!”
Chow
Kah shakes his head. “Jesus! How embarrassing!”
“I’ve
to go to my regular doctor now,” Winnie says. “I don’t have her number. Better pray she wants to come.”
Thirty
minutes later, Winnie returns with a female doctor who injects a muscle
relaxant into Karen. Yang and yin manage to separate.
“The
patient suffered a bout of vaginal muscle spasm,” the doctor says. “Causes are
psychological, such as anxiety, panic attack, or feelings of guilt during sex.”
When
I got home, I Google “penis captivus”. Here’s what Wikipedia says about it:
In
her memoir An Impossible Woman (1975), Graham Greene’s friend Dottoressa
Elisabeth Moor recounts how she was once urgently called to the Hotel
Eden-Paradiso in Anacapri, Italy. "And there I found a young German girl,
in the bathtub in a pool of blood, who begged me to do what I could; I should
help her as she was bleeding to death" from "a tear in the
vagina". The girl had been having sex with a man and her vagina had
clamped tightly around his swollen penis. In freeing his penis, the man had
inflicted "a heavily bleeding tear. A very deep wound." He had then
fled. After Dottoressa Moor had staunched the bleeding, she and a colleague she
had summoned stitched the girl up. "She healed very well." Dottoressa
Moor adds, "These cases are not as rare as you think." She mentions —
though only as hearsay — "a much worse case" involving a Swiss girl
and a black man that occurred in Lucerne, Switzerland, during the war and
resulted in "dreadful injuries" when the man panicked: "they had
got stuck inside each other. It needed two or three doctors to help to undo
them.”
/end
