Sifu Sabrina gives feng shui tips on how to get pregnant

[Pix of models for illustration purpose only]

“What advice do you want this time, Miss Siew?” Sifu Sabrina (pix above) asks.

Sakura Siew (right pix) adjusts a bra strap, sits straight and answers, “I need feng shui tips how to get pregnant.”

She and I are sitting in Sifu Sabrina’s living room.

Sifu Sabrina leans back on the sofa. “Have you and your husband gone for a medical check-up? I mean fertility test?”

“It’s not me but I’m asking on behalf of a female relative.”

“I see. Assuming there’re no biological factors involved, let me start with the bed. Make sure there’s no fan directly above the bed.” She points upward and twirls her right forefinger. “The whirling blades of the fan can cut through the chi of both partners, making conception difficult. If the yang energy is weak, small red lanterns can be placed on both sides of the bed.”

“Yang energy refers to the male, rite?”

Sifu Sabrina nods. “As for the house, to activate the fertility chi, you can display several auspicious objects."

I fish out my memo pad and a ball pen from my shirt pocket and hand them to Sakura. “Better write them down.”

Sifu Sabrina continues, “A figurine of a Buddha with children is excellent. Paintings of cute children are also good. However, avoid baby animals like pigs and monkeys. Pomegranates symbolize fertility because they contain many seeds. So an open pomegranate is a powerful symbol. Another popular symbol is a pair of magpies.”

Sakura scratches the back of her head. “Where to place them?”

“Depends on the person’s kua number.” Sifu Sabrina pauses. “Get ready to write them as I tell you.” Another pause. “1 -– South, 2 –- North-west, 3 –- South-east, 4 –- East, 5 -- North-west, 6 -- South-west, 7 —- North-east, 8 –- West and 9 —- North. Got them?”

“My auntie’s 79 years old, born in 1935. That means –- ”

I hold my sides, my ribs aching.

Sifu Sabrina turns away from Sakura for a moment to stifle a giggle. “No, the auspicious directions refer to the male partner. More specifically, it should be called descendants’ direction.”

“Her husband’s born in 1976, 38 years old. That means his kua number is 8. So, those symbols should be placed in the west?”

Eyes squinting, lit with an inner glow, Sifu Sabrina flashes a wide grin. “Righto!”

/end