Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Jessica of Hot Legs Niteclub says that apples make women horny!

[Pix of models for illustration purpose only]

There is a tattoo on the door of the karaoke room and Mummy Lulu enters, carrying a tray of tarts. Charming Chow Kah, jolly Jessica, winsome Wati and hottish Hussein are with me, cracking water melon seeds and groundnuts.

“Evening everybody!” greets Mummy Lulu, putting the tray on the coffee table. “Free tarts for my regular customers!” I can smell a fresh floral scent from her.

“What’s the occasion?” Chow Kah asks, sliding forward on the settee. “Some kind of sale promotion?”

“No, nothing like that. These durian tarts will make my customers horny!” Mummy Lulu winks and flutters her false eye-lashes. “So they’ll come back more often!”

“Sheesh! That’s old hat,” Hussein exclaims. “It’s a well-known fact that durians have aphrodisiacal properties.”

“See? Mummy Lulu is so kind!” Wati (pix above) purrs, sitting beside Hussein. “She’s been giving free durian tarts for the past two weeks.” Her breasts bulge in the tight confines of her shirt dress, her 38-inch butt is straining the seams of her jorts.

Mummy Lulu turns on her heels and heads for the doorway. Before she closes the door behind her, she looks over her shoulder and says, “Don’t believe that crap about the so-called danger of mixing durian with alcohol.”

“The durian tarts are an investment for future business!” Jessica (right pix) adds, taking a piece and bringing it to Chow Kah’s mouth. Her breasts are pushed against her white spaghetti strap top like caged, playful puppies hungry for affection.

I ask, “Any scientific proof?”

“Of course!” Wati says. “Read year 2010, Volume 3, issue 1 of the Asian Journal of Biological Science.” She leans forward, takes a sip of her rose-juice-kacip-fatimah mocktail topped with a drizzle of vanilla icing and smacks her lips. “The All India Institute of Medical Sciences conducted a study using two groups of rats. One group was fed with durians; the second group, a control. After a 14-day period, they found that the durian-eating rats copulated more with female rats compared to the rats on normal diet.”

“Any fruit that can make women horny?” Chow Kah asks, wiping his mouth with a piece of Kleenex tissue.”

“Apples!” Jessica answers. “There’s an article in the Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics, July 2014 issue. More than 700 Italian women –- all sexually active and healthy -- were researched by Dr. Bartoletti and his team from Santa Chiara Regional Hospital in Trento, Italy. Similar methodology. One group ate apples; the other did not. Based on their responses to a questionnaire called the FSFI -– Female Sexual Function Index -– the scientists found that the apple-eaters had more satisfying sex lives.”

“Satisfying in terms of what?” Chow Kah asks.

“In terms of frequency of sexual acts, lubrication, having orgasm and level of sexual satisfaction.”

I ask, “What was the reason?”

“Apples contain phloridzin, a compound that’s strongly responsible for female sexual arousal.”

I start to munch a durian tart.

Hussein yanks his mobile for his belt pouch and presses a few buttons. “Keng Keong Fruit Suppliers?” A pause. “Mister Hussein here. Can you send one box of apples every week to my first wife? She stays in Ampang Jaya.” Another pause. “Price is not an issue. I’ll sms her address to you after this. Okay, I can come tomorrow and make advance payment for three months to start with.”

“Why’re you sending apples to your first wife (right pix), Hussein?” Chow Kah asks.

“I hope that fat, ugly woman becomes oversexed and runs away with the milkman or breadman! Or whoever! Then its’s good riddance!”


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