Saturday, February 15, 2014
Hot nightclub hostesses Jessica and Wati discuss whether girls are attracted to fat guys
(Pixs of models for illustration purpose only)
Chow Kah, Hussein, Jessica, Wati and I are seated at a table on Jalan Alor, chocked with hawker stalls on the pavement. Hot Legs Karaoke & Nightclub closed up half an hour ago and we invited the girls for a late supper. It’s 3:30 a.m. and the pedestrian traffic on the road is still fairly heavy but there are few vehicles. The smog-free air is cool on my face and the smell of cooking wafts about.
Chow Kah asks: “Jesssica, apart from me, did anyone else give you anything for Valentine’s Day?”
Jessica, wearing a grey satin dress with a plunging neckline, says: “A fat guy –- he’s a client of Hot Legs -– gave me a Gucci watch.”
Chow Kah widens his eyes and flashes a jealous look. “Wow!”
“But I returned the watch to him. I told him to give it to his mother instead.”
I notice Chow Kah smiling to himself.
A humpty-dumpty Indonesian waitress, not more than twenty years old, carrying a tray containing our drinks appears and she sets five glasses filled with fruit juices on the table.
“Goodness, it’s rude to return presents to the giver,” says Hussein. He pulls out his wallet from his trouser pocket, drags out a few notes and pays the waitress. “Keep the change, honey.”
Jessica puts an elbow on the table and rests her chin on her hand. “But I don’t like fat men. Accepting his present will send a wrong message to him."
Chow Kah takes a sip of his water melon juice. “Some women are married to fat men.”
“Actually, I think such women fell in love with the man when he was younger and in shape but after he became fat, the love is still there.”
“Based on scientific research,” I say, “fat men make excellent providers and are less likely to be unfaithful.”
Looking elegant in a grey dress, Wati says: “Maybe the fatsos are less likely to stray because few girls are attracted to them. They’ve no opportunities to cheat on their wives or two-time their girlfriends."
Hussein pulls out a small box, takes out a cigarette and puts it between his lips. Wati clicks a lighter to life and brings the flame to Hussein’s cigarette. Hussein takes a deep drag and blows a cloud of smoke upward.
“Wati,” I ask, “are you attracted to a fat man?”
“Think of having sex with a fat man. Fatsos are noted for having a small you-know-what. When he’s on top of you, his fat splotches over your belly that you’re likely to have a tummyache. A fat man may also need to order a customized coffin to fit his size.”
Hussein says: “Also applies to a fat woman.”
A scrawny foreigner serves our sticks of satay which are piping hot. The aroma of grilled meat heightens my senses.
Hussein pays the waiter. "Let the satay cool," he announces.
“Have you noticed that few high-achievers are fat people?” Wati says. “The world leaders, the scientists, the Nobel Prize winners, the famous novelists and so forth.”
“Yes, I see your point,” I say. Sad, many fat people don’t choose to be fat. It’s their physiology.
Wati leans back on the metal chair. “A woman who chooses a fat man very likely does it because she likes his sense of humour and wit. Or he’s a romantic who bends backward to accommodate her every whim and fancy. Possibly, another reason is that the roly-poly gets along with her children from a previous marriage and she desperately needs a man to provide for them.”
Jessica adds: “One last reason why a woman marries a fat man is that she's interested to get his life insurance money when he dies of a heart attack.”
MY LATEST NOVEL
ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).
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ebook version will be available soon.