Monday, January 21, 2013

Nightclubber Ang Mor Sai offered a solution to his woes

[Pix of models for illustration purpose only]

I, Chow Kah, and his father Mor Sai are waiting for Mummy Lulu in the Classic VIP Room of Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke. The smell of citrus fruits from the air-fresheners makes me feel like I’m the fruit section of Cold Storage.

“Slippery Nipple,” Chow Kah says to the Vietnamese waiter.

“Yes, sir.” The waiter nods and scribbles in his pad.

“Blow Job,” Mor Sai says. The waiter’s eyes bulge and he nods.

“Vanilla milk shake,” I order.

Exit the waiter and enter Mummy Lulu, dressed in grey pantsuit. Five atomic sex kittens, dressed in miniskirts and bare-back halter tops, are with her.

“Hello, gentlemen,” she says, smiling. “Which girls you want tonight?” She looks at Chow Kah. “Sorry, Jessica’s on leave, gone back to hometown.” She turns to Mor Sai and says: “Mr Ang, any of these girls suitable? Maybe you’ve someone in mind?”

Leaning back in the settee, Mor Sai says: “Mummy Lulu, I’ve a slight problem, actually.” He taps ash on a Remy Martin ashtray on the coffee table.

“Oh, how? Please tell me. We’re ready to help clients with problems if it concerns Hot Legs.” She holds both hands behind her back and leans slightly forward.

“Three weeks ago, when I got home, my wife asked me where I went. I told her I went drinking with some friends in a coffee shop. But she was not fooled. She inspected me from head to toe and found a strand of blond hair. That night I booked Catherine, the fake blonde. Remember? My wife walloped me!

“A fortnight ago, my wife whacked me again. She saw red lip-stick stains on my collar. That night, when I was petting with your number eight –- Josephine -- she accidentally stained my shirt collar and shirt front.

”Last week, I went home drunk again. I told my missus I went bowling but she pulled out a strand of black hair six inches long from my shirt. A broom landed on my head almost immediately.”

The five GROs fidget impatiently while Mummy Lulu considers for a moment and smiles. “I’ve a spesial GRO for clients facing situations like this,” she says. From her pants pocket she takes out her cell phone, calls a number and speaks into the receiver: “Juliana, please come here, Classic VIP Room.”

“Juliana? I’ve never heard of her before,” I say.

"Papa, tonight's your lucky night!" Chow Kah says, grinning away.

“Is she pretty?” Mor Sai asks, fingering the bump on the back of his head.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder -- Juliana's got a very sexy body," Mummy Lulu says. “I guarantee you won’t face the previous problems when you go home tonight.”

There is a rap on the door and Juliana enters. The five GROs move aside to let her in.

Ang Mor Sai does a double take and gasps. “Jesus Christ!”

Not more than twenty-five years old, Juliana, displaying a 36-24-38 figure in her tube dress, does not wear lipstick and is bald as an egg!


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