Saturday, May 7, 2011
Sexy girls in nightclub say riding bicycles can cause E.D.!
[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]
My drinking buddy, Chow Kah and I had finished our first mug of Budweizer, and were flipping through magazines, waiting for Hussein.
The sexy, palpitation-invoking GRO, Jessica [left pix], was peeling the skin off Australian grapes and neatly arranging them in a crystal bowl for Chow Kah. The tinted glass door swung open, and Lulu, our favourite mamasan, entered the karaoke room with sizzling Wati [bottom pix] in tow, dressed in a red, bare-back halter top (minus the bra), mini hot-pants and black heels.
“Eh? Hussein’s late?” asked Lulu. “He called me so early to book Wati.”
“Yup, don’t know why, but he should be here anytime.”
Minutes later Hussein-- my Bob Tutupoly look-alike buddy -- entered. He leaned back on the leather sofa beside Wati and heaved a sigh. "Sorry, I'm late." Wati flipped open a drink-and-snack menu and placed it on his lap.
“Hey... Hussein, you look tired?” asked the curvaceous sex kitten. “Over-worked?”
“Not exactly ... I’ve taken up bicycle-riding as a hobby. In my area is a hilly playground with a lake, valley and some slopes. Riding the sports bike has helped me with my insomnia.”
“How long you’ve been doing it?” asked Wati, suddenly looking concerned.
“Early morning and late evening every day for almost two weeks already.”
Exclaimed Jessica: “Better stop lah! Excessive riding of bicycles can cause E.D. – erectile dysfunction!”
“Huahaahaa!” Chow Kah laughed. “True or not? Where did you get this info?”
“Wei ... you don’t surf the Internet, ah?” asked Jessica, displaying her smooth sexy legs as she leaned back on the leather sofa. “This is already an old story. Go to New York Times online. It’s there on their October 4, 2005 issue.”
Wati was equally serious. "Yes, men riding bicycles can become impotent. The cause of the problem is not the pedalling by the legs. The culprit is the construction of the bicycle seat. Most bicycle saddles protrude forward, extending from between the legs. Sitting for too long on this hard structure exerts pressure on the area located between your genitals and anus.”
Jessica continued: “Yes, are you aware the blood vessels, nerves and arteries passing through this area are responsible for erectile functioning? Excessive pressure can damage these soft tissues and cause impotence.”
“I see...I see...so should I give up bicycle riding?” asked Hussein, his cheeks slightly flushed in embarrassment with his ignorance. “Give me air sirap bandung,” he whispered into Wati’s ear.
“Better to give it up lah,” advised Wati. “If you want to continue, you should position the saddle slightly downward in the front angle. Never angle it at tunjuk langit. (pointing to the sky). Take short breaks if you feel numbness in the area. Try to get padded bike shorts and padded bike underwear if they’re available.”
Jesssica sat upright again and popped a peeled grape into her mouth. “Get a bicycle with a noseless saddle. We’re not joking with you guys. Do a Google search on Dr. Irwin Goldstein; read his research findings yourself. Of course, bicycle manufacturers have dismissed his theory. But bear in mind other scientists have supported his research findings."
Chow Kah and I had been listening with rapt attention. I grabbed a handful of popcorn, popping one by one into my mouth.
Grinning, Wati winked naughtily. “Hussein ... let me test whether you can still function, okay?” Moving like a sleek cat, she climbed on the coffee table and displayed an alluring pose bursting with raw sex appeal. “Caress me with your eyes, you feel anything in your pride-and-joy?”
Hussein's eyes travelled from Wati’s sensuous, red lips to her moist, flickering tongue to her quivering breasts to the contour of her perked nipples to her kissable solid thighs to her smooth shins. "Got, got!" he replied in apparent relief. “Thank goodness, I’m still a man. I’m going to give up bicycle riding for good!”