Saturday, April 23, 2011
Hot girls in nightclub say E.D. tests not reliable
[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]
The smell of lavender filled the karaoke room containing we three guys -- Chow Kah, Hussein and me. With us were two GROs with looks and bodies that churn up lascivious mood in men - Jessica and Aryati (“Call me Wati’, she always told her clients).
Garbed in black, Wati sported a blue necklace with a sparkling pendant between her cleavage. “Wah…From today onwards, you guys can get free E.D. tests in selected men’s fitness centres.”
As usual, Hussein - who looked like Indonesian singer Bob Tutupoly -- was seated beside her; he had become her regular client ever since he started the after-closing-hour dates with this brown-haired sex kitten.
“E.D.? Executive Director?“ I was puzzled. A waiter entered the room, opened a can of ginger beer, and poured it into a glass for me.
“Erectile dysfunction!” explained Wati. “Also called mati pucuk!” Leaning forward, she used a pair of tongs to slip ice cubes into my glass of ginger beer.
“Oooooh… I see.” I smacked my lips, savouring the piquant taste of the drink.
“Yes, I also read the news,” added Jessica. “A pharmaceutical company is installing these test equipment in men’s locker rooms in selected fitness centres.” With ebony hair falling over her shoulders, she looked ravishing in her polka-dot gown that showed lots of flesh. No wonder Chow Kah's heart had been stolen by her.
“How does the equipment work?” asked Hussein.
“Not sure, but according to the news report, the equipment or whatever utilizes a simple touch test, which provides sensory feedback, giving a ranking on the Erection Hardness Score,” explained Chow Kah, scrutinising the titles of songs in a menu.
Luscious-looking Wati dispelled all notions of being a bimbo. She explained: “Level 1, the hardness is like tofu; level 2, peeled banana; level 3, unpeeled banana, and level 4, cucumber.”
“You men are incorrigible sex maniacs,” bantered Jessica. She wagged her little forefinger. Her lips in signal-red broke into a heart-melting smile.
Chow Kah gulped down a torrent of Asahi Super Dry. “No, no, no, we're not sex maniacs,“ he said. "It’s more like a case of supply and demand. Women want satisfying sex sessions; so that’s why men have to comply. Harder and faster -- that’s their ardent desires. So we poor men have to take all kinds of hardness-enhancing stuff to satisfy them."
I cracked a water melon seed between my teeth. “Jess, you wanna marry a guy who's impotent?" I asked.
She plucked a piece of tissue from a box for Chow Kah to wipe his mouth. "Of course, not! But not because of sex. It's because I want to have children.”
“See? You also want sex. But you use children as an excuse.”
“I’m skeptical about those E.D. tests,” said Wati. “If just before the test, a guy had me or Jessica sitting on his lap, of course, his score will be four but if he’d been with an old woman, down goes his score. Those tests fail in terms of consistency.” Aware of her sex appeal, her sweet voice carried a tinge of pride.
"I agree," added Jessica.
“Not necessarily in terms of arousal,” I said. “Didn’t you read the case of a 23-year old hotel worker who fondled the buttock of a 64-year old retired teacher? The act was committed in a surau in Taman Nirvana in Ampang. The culprit’s name was… eer… Salahudin Hassan Sha, and he was fined two thousand ringgit. See? Old woman can arouse young man.”
“Aiyaaaa!” belched Hussein.”What a silly boy! Utterly no taste!”
“When I’m sixty-four, you still want me, Hussein?” asked Wati, feigning seriousness.
Hussein grinned. “Yes! Yes! Still want! Still want!”
Wati threw her arms around him as a reward for his politically-right answer.
“Hardness is definitely important,” commented Chow Kah. “Once I was in Beach Club. At that time, the place was crowded. While moving away from the bar counter with a mug of Budweizer, my elbow accidentally hit the breast of a Filipina.
“She looked like American model Kimora Lee but was slimmer. I said 'sorry -- but if your heart is as SOFT as your breast, you will forgive me.' You know what she said? 'If your manhood is as HARD as your elbow, why not come up to my hotel room!'”
Jessica was disdainful: “That girl was a hooker lah!”