[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]
Ding! The lift door opens. I step out of the shiny lift and tootle to Sifu Sabrina’s condo. Standing outside the door, I jab the bell button a few times, and several seconds later, my mobile buzzes.
I hold my handphone to my ear. “Come in, Ewe," Sifu Sabrina says, "the door’s not locked. I’m doing yoga in the patio. Go through the kitchen.”
I turn the brass door knob, enter the hall and head to the kitchen. Standing in the doorway, I see a glass sliding door at the far end of the kitchen. It leads to a patio converted from a spacious balcony. I cross the kitchen, push open the glass sliding door and enter the patio.
Sifu Sabrina, garbed in a bubblegum-pink bikini, is sitting on cushions in a yoga position, her eyes closed (pix above). “So, what feng shui tip do you want this time?” she asks, her voice drippng honey.
I sit down on the artificial grass. “Tips to feng shui the bathroom.”
“A typical terrace house," says Sifu Sabrina, remaining immobile, eyes still closed, "has an en-suite bathroom in the master bedroom and another bathroom near the kitchen. First principle is to keep the doors of both bathrooms closed all the times. Also keep the bathroom clean, uncluttered and free from smell.”
A slight breeze picks up, caressing my face. “Can use air freshener in feng shui?”
“Yes, but prefer natural fresheners such as bags of scented flowers to chemical-based fresheners. Once a week, it'd be good to burn essential oils like lavender in the bathroom.”
Changing her yoga pose, she sits with the left leg stretched backward, right leg bent in front at the knee. “Third principle is very important. Keep the toilet lid closed when not in use.” She reaches over her head and grabs her left foot. “This will prevent positive chi from the adjacent rooms to flow out through the toilet.”
“Isn’t a toilet filled with negative chi?”
“Yes, but to counter the negative chi, one can put a small rock which has been painted red in one corner of the bathroom.” She releases her left foot and bends forward. “Finally, balance the five elements in the toilet: earth, water, fire, wood and metal. The water and metal elements are often in over-abundance in a bathroom. Add the earth element by hanging brown, orange or yellow towels. As for fire energy, one can use a red shower curtain. The wood element is always weak. So, put a small potted plant at one corner.” Sabrina bends upright again, stretching both legs out. “Ouch! That's painful!“
“What about music? Is it good for a bathroom?”
She starts to lie down. “Fantastic, if you’ve a Jacuzzi bath to relax in.” A pause. "I guess those tips cover almost everything for bathroom feng shui." She lets her feet fall to either side but brings her arms close to her body, palms facing up. "A person only spends a short time in the bathroom each day, so there's no need to outfit it with unnecessary feng shui objects."
I gaze at her fluid movements with fascination. “How long have you been practising yoga?”
“Six months.” She inhales and exhales deeply. “This is the Savasana pose.”
“Any benefit from yoga?”
“Of course.” She sits up slowly, turns to face me and hugs both her knees. “My yoga teacher says that a person’s body can become more supple for challenging sex positions.” She cocks her head, her lips curled in a mischievous grin. “Also, an advanced yoga student can look at his own asshole to check for hemorrhoids!” She releases a little-girl giggle. “A – a” -- she doubles up with laughter -– “gay should be encouraged to take up yoga, according to my yoga teacher.”
My eyebrows crease in puzzlement. “Oh? Why?”
“Then he can give himself a blowjob!”
I laugh so loudly it sounds like thunder, my eyes rolling, my hands holding my sides. “What’s your favourite pose?” I ask.
“Of course, the doggy position. Oops!” Her hand flies to her open mouth; a laugh bubbles out of her chest like a burp; her cheeks turn a vibrant pink from embarrassment. “I mean the Downward Facing Dog pose (pix below).”
/end
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