Grab the oranges that'll be thrown by these beautiful people on Chap Goh Meh!

[Above: Painting of Chap Goh Meh by Dr. Yuen Chee Ling]

College student Carol Chuah (pix below) curls her lips sensually and coos, “I’m not desperate for a boyfriend as I’m still young.” A rose tint blushes her cheeks as she sweeps her eyelashes, vivacity sparkling from her eyes. “But I’ll be throwing several oranges with my hotmail address on them in the hope of knowing a new handsome friend. See you at Tanjung Harapan, Port Kelang!”

Fifi Fu, (pix below), a beautician, exhaling breath like the smell of rotting fish, says, “I’ll be throwing one big box of lokam oranges with my HP number written on them. Location? Taman Jaya Lake, PJ.” Raising an arm to reveal scraggly armpit hair, she runs a pudgy hand through her silky crowning glory reeking with the fresh scent of shampoo. “But don’t fall in love with my face and body; instead, fall in love with my heart, spirit and character. No fat guys, please.”

“I was born in the Tiger year,” says Sifu Sabrina (pix below), enveloped in the sweet fruity scent of ylang ylang from her perfume, “so I’m only interested to meet either a Tiger man or a Dragon man. Moreover, his part chi or birth particulars must be compatible with mine.” She rolls her hopeful eyes ceilingward. "Oh, Jade Emperor, please grant my wish this Chap Goh Meh. Hopeful dudes can catch me at Taman Tasik Permaisuri, Cheras, KL with a basket of oranges!"

“I’m seeking eyes that will see beauty in me when I’m old and ugly,” says Jessica (pix below), scrunching up her face to look like a hag, “arms that will comfort me”—she hugs herself—“when I’m sick and a heart that will love me”—she brings a palm to the left side of her chest—“with all my faults. I'll be in Seremban 2 City Park on February 4! Also at Padang Kota Lama on Feb 5.”

Squawking like an old rooster, Ang Mor Sai (pix below) says, “I’ve bought one lorry-load of plantains or pisang tanduk to throw. I’ve hired two illegal Bangladeshis— they’re such cheap labour!—to write my name and email address on each and every plantain. They’ll be helping me to toss the pisang tanduk into the sea--Jetty Bastion Middleburg, Melaka.” His cloudy eyes twinkle with lechery. “I hope to get several new GFs with my costly but worthwhile investment.” Jaw dropping wide open, he blasts out a guffaw, causing his plastic front denture to drop out. “Oops!” His hand flies to his toothless mouth and he muffles. “Happy Chap Goh Meh to all readers of The Wordslinger blog!”

/end

"Wishing you a prosperous and happy Chinese New Year," enthuses Jessica of Hot Legs Niteclub

 

“Happy Spring Festival!” Jessica says, eyes twinkling, holding a string of lanterns and melting hearts in a mini qipao. “May good fortune and excellent health be yours always. Double your ONG when you enjoy the company of our bunnies at Hot Legs Niteclub in the Year of the Rabbit! Kung Hei Fat Choi!"

/end

Cronies of Hot Legs Niteclub make toasts on New Year' s Eve

 

Half-strangled by a bow-tie, Papa-san Yap -- owner of Hot Legs Niteclub -- croaks, “He who loves not women, wine, and song. He will be a fool his whole life long. Hence, I like to make a  toast to naughty nightclubs where good men belong!”

 

Mummy Lulu says: “Here’s too many reasons for drinking; and one has just entered my head; if a man doesn't drink when he's living; how the hell can he drink when he's dead! So come carefree to Hot Legs Niteclub.” 

Chow Kah toasts, hefting his Martini glass, “Here’s to alcohol, which often makes one see double, and feel single.”

“Hear! Hear!” hoots Jessica. “Alcohol may be a man’s worst enemy, but Lord Buddha says love your enemy.” 

Hussein cheers, lifting his glass high,  “Here's to women, the source of a man’s bliss, There's a taste of heaven for him in her kiss." 

Perched on a stool, Wati sneers, “Here's to those who love us well; Those who don't can go to Hell!"

/end

"Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!" wishes Jessica.

 

“May this Christmas sparkle and shine and may all your wishes and dreams come true," says Jessica of Hot Legs Niteclub. “Wet kisses from me for those on my Nice List! Wet kisses from Mummy Lulu -- her latest photo's below -- for those on my Naughty List.”

Chinese New Year greetings from Jessica and Wati

 

"Wishing you abundance and prosperity every year," coos Jessica, sprawled on a divan, "and that they be filled with smiles and laughter."

Fluttering her fan, Wati says, "Wishing you four seasons of peace and a flourishing year with treasures filling your home. Gong Xi Fa Cai!"

Mummy Lulu of Hot Legs Niteclub toasts her patrons on New Year’s eve!

“Here’s my toast to patrons of Hot Legs Niteclub,” says Mummy Lulu, her voice like the caw of a crow. “Come in the evening or come in the morning; come when you've a booking or without warning; a thousand welcomes you'll find before you; from pretty hostesses both seasoned and new."

“To women and beer,” Johnny Yap, owner of Hot Legs Niteclub, says. “Both are so much better when they're not flat." Smiling, he shows a gnarled thumbs-up.

Wearing shades, Chow Kah lifts his glass of champagne. “Here's to Jessica, who dresses in black; always looks neat and never looks slack; when she kisses she kisses so sweet; that she makes things stand that have no feet!”

"To all those who wish us well,” Jessica hollers. “All the rest can go to hell." She upends her shot glass and her garnet lips stretch into a smile.

Head in a tilt, Hussein says to Wati, “Here's to sin and here's to virtue; a little bit of both won't hurt you; a little virtue is enhancing; a little sin can be entrancing; be good, Wati, but don't be haughty; there's too much fun in you being naughty.”

A grin splits Wati’s face into two, revealing white, even teeth.  “Here's to the good woman who loves her husband for the things he has learned from some other woman not so good!”

I toast, “Here's to our sweethearts and wives; may our sweethearts soon become our wives, And our wives remain our sweethearts. Happy New Year!"

"Happy Chinese Winter Solstice," says Jessica

“In China, winter solstice marks the day with the shortest daylight,” Jessica says, striding on heels to a padded chair. “It’s celebrated with reunion feasts and offerings to the gods.” She plunks her butt down and crosses her slender legs. 

“In north China”— my eyes span wider at the sight of her exposed thighs— “jiazi or mutton-filled dumplings are consumed to keep warm; in south China, folks eat tangyuan or soup dumplings.” A smile punches two dimples in her cheeks. “Happy Winter Solstice.”

Chinese New Year greetings from Jessica and Wati

"May wealth always come your way." Jessica purrs, her voice as sweet as honey Mandarin oranges. "May your longevity be as long as you wish. May your health be as strong as the Metal Ox!"

“Happy New Year!” Wati hollers!  “When Hot Legs re-opens, let it signify a realization of all the fun, happy things you’ve been yearning for." She inhales, expanding the sweet curves underneath the flirtatious beige silk. "Wishing you a very, very, very prosperous year!”

/end

"Gong Xi Fa Cai," says Jessica of Hot Legs Nightclub & Karaoke

“I wish my heartiest Gong Xi Fa Cai to all Chinese readers of The Wordslinger blog,” says Jessica. “May joy, wealth and health be with you today and always.”

Gong Xi Fa Cai greetings from Jessica

“Wishing all Chinese readers of The Wordslinger blog Gong Xi Fa Cai!” says Jessica. “May joy, wealth and health be with you today and always. Huat ah!”

/end

Christmas greetings from Jessica

“Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,” says Jessica, “to all Christian readers of The Wordslinger blog. I say, I just stole Santa’s naughty list! Whoa… the Gang of Four’s names – Chow Kah, Hussein, Wati and mine – are there!”

/end