Ewe Paik Leong, The Wordslinger: Jessica and Wati discuss whether women are attracted to muscular men

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

I take a sip of my vanilla milkshake and flick my gaze at Jessica. “Did you see that muscleman at the bar when you came in?” My focus shifts to Wati. “Are women are attracted to muscular men?”

Jessica (pix above) slides a wry look at Chow Kah beside him. “Yes, I did, but I don’t like muscular men.” She grins. “Sense of humour, honesty and the ability to flex financial muscles are more important.”

Wati (pix below) leans back on the sofa and, Hussein, sitting beside her, does the same. “Neither do I.”

One corner of Hussein’s mouth edges up. “Is that so? That’s the opinion of both of you.” He puts one hand on Wati’s lap. “Maybe other women think differently.”

Jessica presses a few buttons on the remote. “Such women are unaware of the psyche of muscular men. The majority of meatheads are sexist, hostile towards women and dominant.”

Sentimental music wafts from the loudspeakers, evaporating away my stress. “Journal of Sexual Medicine article?”

“Nope, Psychology of Men & Masculinity." She squints in thought. "April 2013 edition, if I'm not mistaken. Drs. Viren Swami and Martin Voracek of the University of Westminster discovered that the more muscular the man, the more hostile he was towards women. They were also more likely to objectify women.”

Wati jags a brow and grins. “A bodybuilder's sometimes referred to as a lunkhead. If a guy’s obsessed with muscles, what do you expect him to talk about? Everything related to body-building. And what do you think his expectations are from his girlfriend? Shape up, eat healthy food, exercises to tighten the abs, morning jogs.”

"Big muscles were important during primitive times when men hunted,” Chow Kah says, his eyes connecting with Jessica’s. “But today, brains and money are more valuable than brawn.”

A tease hovers on Wati’s lips. “I heard that muscular men have a small fiddle-diddle.” A little-girl giggle floats from her chest.

Jessica gives a gentle wave of her hand. “Nah, body-building doesn’t affect the pee-wee. That’s just an illusion -- the crotch looks small by comparison to the huge muscular thighs. But steroids can cause the nuggets to shrink.”

“Nuggets?” Hussein asks, brows bunched in a frown. “What’s that?”

Jessica laughs. “Testicles!” She cover her mouth with her hand for a moment. “Since the steroids produce testosterone-like effects, the nuggets shrink because their role as a producer of testosterone ceases.”

Wati looks at me, fluttering her eyelashes. “Apart from a small winkie, a bodybuilder’s head also looks small. I wouldn’t feel proud going on a date with a small-headed man.” She sits up straight and leans forward to take her glass of rose syrup with kacip fatimah. “In fact, a research by the University of Flinders found out that using muscular male models in advertisements for jeans and cologne was not more appealing than using the average man.” She sips from the straw and licks her lips. “According to Dr. Phillippa Diedrichs, the lead researcher, some of the survey participants associated muscular men with vanity and homosexuality.”

I reach for a few nuts on a platter and lob them to the back of my throat. “How was the research conducted?”

“You can read it in Body Image, one of the 2010 editions."

Wati bites back a smile and casts a side glance to Hussein. “Darling, do you like muscular women?” She puts her glass down on the coffee table.

A grin curves Hussein’s lips. “Depends on her level of muscularity. First, there’s the bodybuilder muscularity. Yucks!” He sticks his tongue out. “Second type, she has some muscles but not excessive. Third, she has a toned-up body like a fitness model. I think the third type is fine by me.”

“Same with me too.” Chow Kah’s grin matches Hussein’s. “But for a fling or a one-night stand, I wouldn’t mind a female body-builder out of novelty.”

Jessica shakes her head, her silky hair quivering with the motion. “Muscles appeal to both sexes only on an animalistic level. Dr. David Frederick of UCLA’s Center for Behaviour, Education & Evolution did a study on the importance of muscularity in long-term and short-term relationships.” She focuses her gaze at me. “He found out that muscular men only appealed to women looking for a fun time. For a long-term relationship, women prefer the less muscular guy. In other words, muscles may turn a woman’s head but not win her heart.”

The door of the karaoke room flings open. Enters Mummy Lulu (pix above), her hair dyed blond. “Chow Kah, I overheard what you said. Why you want a roll in the hay with a woman bodybuilder?” She pauses for an answer but there is none, and I see Chow Kah's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You think she’s got a muscular kitty, eh?" She flashes a seductive wink. "I’ve good news for you!” She unzips her red dress at the back and steps out of it. “I just took up body-building three months ago!” She plants her fists on her hips and performs a front lateral spread (pix below). “See how muscular I am? I guarantee you dynamite in my kitty! So, my place or your place?”

A gasp of horror floats from my lips. "Holy Toledo!"

Chow Kah throws his head back and giggles like a little boy. "Ugh!" He makes a face.

Mummy Lulu snorts, her tone contrite. “How dare you make fun of me!” She lunges forward, grabs Chow Kah as if he’s a rag doll and body-slams him on the floor. Next instant, she wraps her legs around his neck (pix below)!