Saturday, March 28, 2015

The Gang of Four of Hot Legs Niteclub discusses about extramarital affairs

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

“Jessica,” I ask, my gaze bathing her bare shoulders, “anything interesting from your uncle’s latest edition of The Journal of Sexual Medicine?”

Jessica (pix above) leans forward, sticking out her chin. “Yes, last week, I visited him and managed to read the latest March 2015 edition,” she says. “A research article concluded that short sleep duration and poor quality sleep led to poor sexual response in women.” She is garbed in an itsy-bitsy tank top with straps that keep slipping off her shoulders.

“Nothing astonishing,” I say, catching a hint of her citrus fragrance. “Lack of sleep leads to irritability and bad mood. When a woman is irritable, obviously, she’s not in a mood for sex.”

Sitting beside Jessica, Chow Kah says, “Here’s something more interesting, Ewe.” He lifts a brow. “I read a psychologist’s website stating that an extramarital affair can help to improve a marriage.”

“What!” Hussein exclaims, his jaw dropping, his Sampoerna cigarette falling to his lap. “Who’s the crackpot?”

As quick as a swooping eagle, Wati (pix below) brushes the cigarette to the floor and stretches one black-stocking-clad leg to snuff it out with the sole of her stiletto.

Chow Kah continues, “Michael J. Formica, a psychologist.” He lifts his wine glass and takes a fast gulp. “To a certain extent I agree that an extramarital affair can improve a marriage.”

I scratch my head. “Like how?”

“First situation is when the man or woman is physically incapacitated, perhaps by a stroke or vehicle accident, but the spouse is still young. You cannot expect the spouse to live without sex for the rest of his or her life, isn’t it? So in such a case, the extramarital affair should be tolerated.”

“That’s fair,” Hussein says.

Wati leers and her lips curl up. “Sex on the side with no strings attached? Which man doesn’t want it?” She rises to her feet (pix below) and places one hand on her hip. " butt's tired from sitting too long."

“Chow Kah,” I ask, “have you been reading Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence?”

“Yes.” Chow Kah nods. “Lady Chatterley was sexually frustrated, so she had an affair. It made her alive physically again. She became a fulfilled, whole woman.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” Jessica says, sniggering. “You don’t need sex to live! Only food, water and air.” She glares at Chow Kah with a subtle grin on her lips. “You must’ve been sleeping with MILF divorcees and MILF widows, darling. Is that why you’re saying that? To make yourself feel less guilty sub-consciously?”

Chow Kah blinks, clenches his jaw and swallows hard. "Hell, that comment is unfair to widows and divorcees."

“Hold it!" I stretch out an outward-facing palm. "I think some people are taking this topic too personally.”

“What’s MILF?” Wati asks, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and settling back on the settee beside Hussein.

“Words that're not allowed to see the light of day," Jessica (pix below) says, the edges of her lips curling upward in mirth.

Hussein whispers something into Wati’s ear and she giggles, revealing rice-white teeth.

“I beg to disagree, Jessica,” Chow Kah says. “According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, sex is a basic human need after the physiological and safety needs are satisfied.”

Hussein looks at Chow Kah. “Any other situation an extramarital affair is healthy?” He places an arm over Wati’s shoulder and gently runs his hand through her silky tresses.

Chow Kah says, “When the husband is abusive, an extramarital affair may be a lifeline for the long-suffering wife to stand up to him. Either change or she will leave him for her lover.”

I take a sip of my water melon juice. “Are you saying that two wrongs make a right?” I put the glass down and lick my lips.

“There’re a few types of extramarital affairs, according to Formica,” Chow Kah elaborates. “The first is object affair, where the cheater neglects the marriage and pursues other interests like a hobby. Second is the sexual affair where only lust is involved -– the desire to fulfill sexual needs. Third is the non-sexual affair that is emotional. The two parties may share a common interest -– cookery, writing poems, whatever -- that brings them together. As a result, they spend lots of time together in discussion or confiding in each other. Fourth is the body-and-soul affair. The last is where emotions and sex are involved. When a person is in a body-and-soul affair, the cheating party is in a clear position to examine what’s missing in his or her marriage. Then talk over it with the spouse so that they can work on the marriage to save it. I wish to stress that Michael Formica does not encourage people to start having an affair. He merely points out that a marriage can improve after an extramarital affair.”

Wati (pix above) clambers on all fours towards the karaoke machine and takes its remote control lying on top. “For instance," she chips in, "a drunken wife-beater may be shaken out of his bullying if he discovers that his wife has sought solace in another man. Or a nagging wife may remedy her stinky mouth when she discovers that her nagging has driven her husband to seek out another more understanding woman.” She sidles back to Hussein's side and I hear her ask, "Darling, wanna sing after this?"

Nodding, Chow Kah snaps his fingers. “That’s right!” He pops a few nuts into his mouth and leans back on the settee. “I also read a book titled Men, Love and Fidelity.” He starts to crunch the nuts. “It’s written by French psychologist Maryse Vaillant. She says that it is okay for men to stray as long as it keeps the marriage intact.”

“That’s French culture, French rubbish,” Jessica says, with a wave of her hand.

“What about olden Chinese culture?” Chow Kah shoots back. “In the olden days, Chinese men kept concubines yet they remained married and remained faithful to their first wife.”

The door bursts open. In steps Mummy Lulu (right pix below). “Let me give my two cents worth,” she says. “Everybody who drifts into an affair has his or her personal reasons -– lack of emotional fulfillment, lure of financial stability or whatever." She takes a drag on her cigarette and blows a smoke ring. "Most important is that they must be prepared to face and deal with the realities and consequences.” She steps aside, turns to the doorway and says. “Alexander, come say hello to my friends.”

A handsome hunk (bottom pix), probably mid-twenties, steps in. “Hi, everybody,” he says. “I’m Mummy Lulu’s boyfriend.” Puffing what looks like an expensive cigar, he's wearing diamond rings on three fingers and a gold pendant.

I see that all eyes in the room are focused on Alexander. “How has it been,” I ask, “being Mummy Lulu’s boyfriend?

“Once I had to hide naked in the refrigerator when her hubby came home unexpectedly; another time, I clung to the end of the balcony the whole night; on a third occasion I stuck my head into the toilet bowl and thrust my arm into the S-bend, pretending to be a toilet repairman. That's the price I've to pay for being the third party in a relationship.”



ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore

Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (

The book is sold in Europe and Australia at the following e-retailers: (UK) (France) (The Netherlands) (Germany) (Denmark) (Norway) (Romania) (Czechoslovakia) (Australia)


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