(Pix of models for illustration purpose only)
“Jessica, have you got your good mistress tips ready?” I say.
Sitting on the milk-coloured soft across me, Jessica (pix above) digs a folded piece of paper out from under her T-shirt. “Yes, they’re in point form. But I’ll elaborate as I read them. Shall I start now?”
“What’s going on?” asks Chow Kah, scrunching his face.
Jessica turns sideways to look at him. “Yesterday, Ewe phoned and asked me to give tips on how to be a good mistress. He wants to post them on his blog.”
Chow Kah nods. “Aha! That's an interesting topic. Fire away, darling.”
“A girl who wants to be a mistress must first master the art of making love. Most wives perform sex only to have babies not for fun. Most men seeking a mistress are those bored with sleeping with their wives. Therefore, a girl who can perform like a porn star stands an excellent chance of becoming someone’s mistress for life, instead of short-term.” Her gaze moves from Wati’s face to Hussein’s to Chow Kah’s to mine. “Now, I don’t mean behave like a slut, far from it. She should be classy and sophisticated.
“Having said that, sex shouldn’t be the sole foundation of her relationship with her lolly papa. She should share his interests and hobbies as well. If he likes to go fishing, she should take it up as a hobby too. If he’s a voracious reader of horror novels, it’s time for her to read Stephen King. Then only will they have things to talk about, discuss about and laugh about.
“Third, she should take extra effort to make every moment with his sugar papa sweet and memorable. Be his playmate who’s fun to be with. Be romantic, not a wet blanket. For example, she can buy him small, inexpensive presents when they meet. If she doesn’t know how to be romantic, she can read this ebook called How to be Romantic by K.M. Ryan.”
“I’ve read it,” says Wati (pix below). “It’s useful for couples who want to keep romance alive in their marriage, not necessarily to be used by a mistress.” Using a toothpick, she spears a piece of pineapple from the fruit platter and brings it to her mouth.
Jessica harrumphs, take a long swallow of her Guinness Stout and lets Chow Kah dab her lips with a piece of Kleenex. “Next point -- she should be discreet about her lolly papa, not even discuss him with her best friend. KL’s not a big city and people hear gossip easily about others in the same industry. If a mistress gets her lover in trouble with his wife because of her indiscretion, he will hate her.” She fans herself with one hand and yanks off her T-shirt (pix below). "Phew! The Guinness Stout is making me feel hot."
Hussein says, “Yes, if the old bugger says no phone calls after 5 pm, she should observe that restriction.” He takes a gulp of Bir Bintang from his willybecher and burps slightly. “Sorry to interrupt, Jess, please go on.”
Jessica looks down at the paper for a moment, looks up again. “A mistress should never, never threaten to disclose the affair in an attempt to manipulate him. If the sugar daddy smells potential blackmail, he will drop her like a piece of dog shit. If she wants more of this –- ” Jessica rubs her forefinger and thumb together. “-- she should use sweet talk and persuasion, not hint a veiled threat.”
“Good advice,” says Hussein.
“My last point. A good mistress should never get emotionally involved with her sugar daddy.”
“What!” exclaims Wati (pix below), her jaw dropping, her toothpick falling to the floor.
“Yes, only in that way will the relationship be healthy. If she has fallen in love with her lover, she’s bound to be jealous of his wife and will attempt to break up his family. That’s not right.”
I show a thumb-up to Jessica. “An excellent talk, thanks, Jess. I also like your term 'lolly papa.' " I turn to Chow Kah. “Buddy, you want a mistress?”
“Of course.”
“Why?”
“When my wife thinks I’m with my mistress and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife, I can come to Hot Legs Niteclub to drink.”
“Yay!” Jessica and Wati clap their hands in glee.
/end
MY LATEST NOVEL
ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg
Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).
The book is sold in Europe, Japan and Australia by the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--kinokuniya.co.jp (Japan)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)
ebook version will be available soon.
/end
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