Monday, June 9, 2014
Irresistible Jessica and Wati of Hot Legs Niteclub reveal that yoga improves sexual health
[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]
“Where’s Mummy Lulu?” asks Chow Kah as he takes aim with a dart. “She’s been missing since three weekends.” With his elbow fixed, he flicks the dart forward. It lands on a black section. “Eighteen points.”
“She’s on leave every Saturday,” says Jessica (pix above). “Mummy goes for yoga every Saturday evening.” She picks up a dart. “My turn.” She lets fly with the dart, and it misses the board. “Aw…shit!”
Lounging on the sofa, Hussein asks: “Is it because of health reasons?”
Wati (pix below) nods her head. “Yes, because of health -- FSD.” She rises from the sofa and kicks her stilettos aside. “Come, let me try.”
“F-S-D?” Hussein raises an eyebrow. “Forgotten Souls of Darkness?” He stands up, moves behind Wati and holds her wrist. “Let me aim the dart for you darling!”
“What nonsense souls of darkness did you say?” asks Wati, scrunching her face. “F-S-D stands for female sexual dysfunction.”
Hussein presses his cheek close to Wati’s, guides her hand, moving it backward --"one, two, three" -- then forward. “Release!”
“Bullseye! Twenty-five points!” yells Jessica . “My turn again.” She blows into her palms and retrieves her dart from the board. “Mummy Lulu’s suffering from the side-effects of menopause. But her husband’s still as virile as a stud horse.” She flashes a grin. “Or a prancing rooster or whatever.” She launches the dart and it hits the inside of the triple ring under fourteen. “So I recommended yoga to her.” She moves aside. “For some reason she didn’t want to take hormone replacement therapy.” Looking at the dartboard, she says, “That was forty-two points.”
I ask: “How do you know yoga improves sex?”
“I read an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine,” says Jessica (pix above), sinking into an armchair. “It’s the December 3, 2009 issue, if I’m not mistaken. Got it from my uncle who's a doctor. A research article reported that women who’d practised yoga for several months experienced increased levels of arousal, desire and orgasm.”
“I also read the article,” says Wati, bending slightly on her knees. ”Jess let the journal to me.” Turning to Hussein, she grins. “Darling, you should also practise yoga since you’ve four wives. The same article also stated that cases of PE have been cured through yoga.” She hitches her skirt upward and stands with legs splayed.
Hussein’s face is half-buried in Wati’s long silky hair. “What’s P-E?”
"P-E is P-E."
Jessica says: “Premature ejaculation.”
Hussein holds Wati's wrist again. “Come on darling, why speak using an acronym?” He places his left hand on Wati’s bare shoulder. “Aim, darling.”
Wati giggles. “I’m shy to mention premature ejaculation, honey.” She launches the dart and it lands on the outer green section under twelve.
“My father once took yoga classes,” says Chow Kah. “He was always doing head stands. One day, he could have sex while standing on his head!”
“Very funny!” sneers Jessica. “Am I laughing?”
“Enough of darts,” says Wati. “My wrist’s tired.” She goes to sit on the sofa and starts to suck a lollipop. “Actually, yoga also improves the sex lives of men. First, it improves blood flow, lowers blood pressure and builds up endurance. Also, you’ll master certain yoga poses that can be translated into sex positions.”
“Oh! That’s interesting,” Hussein says. “Can you name those yoga poses?”
Wati starts to raise her thumb and four fingers. “First, the plank pose, the upward facing dog pose, the pigeon pose, the child’s pose and the bound angle pose. Those poses need strength and flexibility.” She leaves the soft and sits on the carpeted floor. “Come Hussein, try this pose.” She slides her right knee forward, slides her left leg backward. “This is the king pigeon pose.” She holds her knee with her left hand and uses her right hand to grab her left foot, her left leg arching upward.
Hussein gets down on the carpet and when he stretches his legs, there is a loud ripping noise. “My pants! They’re ripped at the crotch!”
"Holy Toledo!" exclaims Chow Kah."Hussein's wearing red polka-dot boxers!"
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Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
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