Saturday, February 1, 2014

Sexy nightclub hostesses Jessica and Wati dispense invaluable advice on buying Valentine’s Day presents

(Pixs of models for illustration purpose only)

“First rule is never ask your girlfriend what present she wants for Valentine’s Day,” Jessica (pix above) says. “If you need to ask, it shows that you don’t bother to think or you don’t understand her.” She takes a menu and flips through the pages.

Seated at the other end of the U-shaped sofa wth Hussein, Wati says, “The present must be appropriate to the level of relationship. For example, you should not buy a sexy silk lingerie for a girl whom you’ve known for only three months.”

Jessica leans forward and puts the menu under the coffee table. “That should be common sense,” she says. “No matter how filthy rich you are, if you are not sure whether she has feelings for you, an overly expensive gift like a gold pendant or a Gucci watch can send your female friend running away. Worse, the gift may be returned. Which is like a slap in the face.” She presses the intercom on the table and says. "James, one chocolate sundae, please. With kacip fatimah."

Chow Kah lifts up his mug, gulps his beer and nods in understanding. He puts the mug down and asks, “What about live animals like a cute poodle or some exotic pet? Okay to give them?”

Wati (pix below) crosses her legs, looks upward for a moment and says, “This is like walking on a minefield. Unless, she has mentioned about wanting to own a pet. You know, keeping a pet can be a hassle.”

“Flowers are the safest to give,” I say and lean forward to the coffee table to spear a slice of Solo papaya from a platter.

Wati looks at me. “Be aware of the significance of the different colours of flowers. Red roses symbolize love and romance. Ditto for pink roses. Yellow roses represent friendship. So it’s alright to send them to a female friend to test the water. If she reacts negatively, you can explain the significance of yellow and that you treasure her friendship, nothing more. There you are, you've saved yourself the embarassment of rejection."

“Also be careful how you give them,” Jessica adds. “Should you send them to the office or give them personally? If the girl travels by bus or LRT, it’s pretty silly to send flowers to her office. But even if she drives, a girl may not want to be the centre of attraction. Her colleagues may even tease her. Though it may be done in jest or good spirit, she may blame you for the teasing she receives.”

I say, “So far, all of you have been discussing presents between boyfriend-girlfriend. A married man should also celebrate Valentine’s Day with his wife.”

Wati nods her head. “True!” She grabs a handful of salted nuts and pops them in her mouth. “I don’t want a man who’s romantic when he’s a boyfriend but unromantic when he becomes my husband.”

“Any ideas for a married man to celebrate V-Day with his wife?” asks Chow Kah, slipping an arm over the shoulder of Jessica.

“Don’t even think of anything that has great practicality,” I say, gazing at the faces looking at me. “Avoid vacuum cleaners, meat grinders, mixers, ovens and other kitchen appliances.”

Hussein grins. “Not necessarily. If she’s anti-Valentine’s Day, the husband should give mops, brooms and floor polish. Maybe Cosway’s Powermax Toilet Bowl Cleaner or Amway’s Liquid Organic Cleaner! You get the drift? That's to teach her not to be anti-Valentine's Day."

Wati feigns a grimace. “You’re a horrible man. I wouldn’t want to be your missus. Or for that matter, mistress.”

“The best V-Day present a man can give his wife is money,” Jessica says.

Chow Kah turns to look at Jessica. “But what if the husband doesn’t earn much?”

“In that case, the husband can offer to do the chores for one or two days so that his wife can relax,” I say. “Maybe he can bake a heart-shaped cake and some finger food to be shared among the family members. You know, a simple Valentine’s Day celebration at home.”

Jessica jerks her head back, and scrunches up her nose. “That’s romantic?” she asks and leans back on the sofa. A Myanmar waiter enters the karaoke room and brings Jessica her glass of chocolate sundae.

I spear another piece of fruit from the platter and bring it to my mouth. “There are ways to spice up the home party. The husband can compose a love poem and read it out to his wife in front of the kids.”

“Good idea,” Chow Kah says. “But a candlelight dinner in a restaurant is always more romantic than a home celebration.”

“Of course! That was what I did last year,” Hussein says, suddenly sitting upright. “I took my fat, ugly first wife for a V-Day dinner. Followed by karaoke." He takes out her photo (right pix) from his wallet and holds it up for everyone to see. "She asked why I chose that restaurant which is notorious for its lousy food and horrible service. I explained that the restaurant offered a fifty percent discount for customers who paid by Visa credit card. And I'm a Visa credit card holder.”


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