Saturday, January 5, 2013

Orientation to Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke

[Pix of models for illustration purpose only]

This is your cubicle. That’s my cubicle. That’s your phone. Press ‘9’ if you want to get a line to make a call. Personal calls are not allowed. Our bill is itemized so boss will know if you make a personal call. You’ll be sacked if you make too many personal calls. That’s your in-tray and that’s your out-tray.

By the end of the day or rather night, your in-tray should be empty. If you’ve twelve hours of work, you better compress it into eight hours. Our M.D. hates people staying back. According to him, it’s a sign of inefficiency.

But if you’ve, for example, four hours of work, expand it to eight hours. Look busy. Boss doesn’t like to see people doing nothing. Reading of newspapers is not allowed.

Miss Chow Foo Kee sits in the cubicle next to yours. Don’t make fun of her name. She may sabotage your work. Like taking documents from your out-tray and flushing them down the toilet. Don't bother to stare at her cleavage. It's fake. Age is catching up with her. She always wears a push-up bra to try to hook a boyfriend.

Miss Georgina Goh sits in that cubicle. Sometimes, she wears a red G-string and sits with her legs wide apart. She has a boyfriend who’s a bookie at the Sungei Besi race course. He’s also a Magnum and Da Ma Cai bookie. You can buy numbers from her if you want to. She knows a Tai Sing Yeah medium in Pudu who’s good at giving numbers. Very accurate if you have good luck. When you know her better, you can ask her to take you there.

That’s Mummy Lulu’s room. Meiling, her secretary, sits outside her room. Mummy Lulu is our indirect boss. Don’t you dare call her Ore Kooi Poh behind her back. You’ll get sacked for sure. Her husband’s a papasan in a hanky-panky spa in Bukit Bintang. Also, don't call him Ore Kooi Thau. You'll get in trouble with Mummy Lulu. She's very powerful in Hot Legs. Has been with the club since it opened in 2001. Our M.D. likes her very much.

Boh Kah Kiat sits over there. He has a Vietnamese wife but is in love with Siripit Kongmalai, one of our coyote dancers. We warned him not to go to Siripit’s apartment but he wouldn’t listen. That Thai girl put some kong thau in the food and drinks served to him. The kong thau worked. Every month, he gives her an allowance. Sometimes, he waits for Siripit to finish work, and he sends her home. We’re powerless to help that poor fella.

Sam Soong sits in the cubicle behind you. He cannot be trusted. He’ll pretend to bad-mouth Mummy Lulu in front of you but behind your back, he’ll tell tales to that old cow -– I mean, old lady. Just between you and me, we all call him a pussy-hair carrier.

Miss Linda Lee sits here. She’s a four-time divorcee with no kids. She moonlights as a social escort during the weekends. But we all pretend not to know. If she asks you to help her with her work, say you’ll check with me. But don’t help her. If she asks again, tell her I’ve not gotten back to you yet. You get me?

Muniandy sits in front of you. He wears an ear-ring, and comes in drunk sometimes. He’s in love with Linda Lee -– always packets MacDonald chicken burger or KFC for her -- but she doesn’t like him. She's in love with Sam Soong. But Sam Soong is married and is interested in Catherine, one of the GROs. Not surprising, as Catherine is younger and prettier than Linda. But Catherine doesn’t like Sam because she’s a lesbian. Catherine and her flat-mate are lovers. Meiling is in love with Sam though. She always do favours for him. But because he’s married, she’s afraid to get too involved with him unless he makes the first move. Complicated relationships, huh?

This is the conference room. Mummy Lulu holds meetings with her GROs here. She often dispenses advice on how to win the heart of customers and separate the money from the sooi yee -- I mean customers. That's the kitchen. The fridge and the microwave oven. You can keep food in the fridge but no pork. We've several Malay GROs who also use the fridge. Cooking is not allowed but you can use the microwave oven to heat up food.

That’s Mr. Johnny Yap’s room; he’s our Managing Director. You won’t meet him. In fact, we seldom see him. But he’s in the room every night. No one knows what he does inside. Sometimes a GRO would go in and come out after more than an hour.

This is the men’s washroom and that’s the women’s washroom. Sam Soong sometimes uses the women’s washroom. He wears very thick spectacles and always claims it’s a mistake. But we all know it’s because he’s hum sup and wants to bump into the GROs. Mummy Lulu likes him, so she tolerates his behavior.

That’s our reception counter. It’s made of Italian marble. The reservations book is always kept there. We’ve two receptionists: Nancy and Suzie. Get to know them and be friendly with them. But don’t get too close to them. Turnover of receptionists is high. I dunno why.

Well, that ends your orientation. If you’re not sure of anything, don’t be dumb, ask questions. Not too many questions though. If you ask too many questions, you'll be sacked.


No comments: