Under-the-bonnet maintenance

Studies in the USA have shown that 57% of all car accidents are caused by maintenance neglect. Conducting regular preventive maintenance checks can extend the life of your car and avoid inconveniences such as breakdowns at difficult hours and places. The following under-the-bonnet DIY maintenance checks are recommended, and can be done with simple tools like pliers and screwdrivers:

AIR FILTER
The air filter should be checked once every two months. It is ensconced in a housing (looks like a metal lid) in a carburetted engine or in a rectangular box at the forward end of the air duct hose assembly.

Remove the filter and hold it against sunlight; you can see how clean or dirty it is. Another test is to drop it on the floor. If you can see dirt on the floor, it is time to replace the filter. The air filter maintains a clean supply of air entering the combustion system when the engine is started. The filtering media will trap the small article and dust in the air before it is used in the combustion system. By supplying clean air, it will prolong engine life span and also reduce the air noise that occurs from the intake manifold.



BATTERY
Visually check the battery posts and cable terminals. Can you see white powdery stuff? If yes, remove it by washing the battery posts and cable terminals with a solution of baking soda and water. Then disconnect the cable terminals from the posts, starting with the negative. Dry the posts and cable ends with a dry cloth. Reinstall the cable terminals to the posts, beginning with the positive first. Next, check the battery water level. Top up with distilled water if necessary.

BELTS
Either one of two types of belts is used in a car engine: a single piece of serpentine belt or a series of V-belts. A belt which snaps will disable your car immediately, causing valves to collide with pistons, and an expensive repair bill in store! Normally wider than a V-belt, a serpentine belt is grooved on one side and flat on the other. Check both sides of a serpentine belt for cracks. It needs to be replaced if there are more than 10 cracks over six centimetres. For a V-belt, its tension must also be checked: there should not be more than half inch (1.66 cm) of free play between the pulleys. Notwithstanding its visual condition, a belt must be replaced every 40,00 kilometres. Never try to replace a belt by yourself unless you are trained to do so.

BRAKE FLUID
Check the brake fluid level. This is easy as the brake fluid reservoir is always made of transparent material. Make sure you top up with the correct type of brakefluid. The owner's manual or markings on the reservoir cap will indicate the correct type. Usually it is DOT 3, DOT 4 or DOT 5. In emergency situations, you may mix DOT 3 with DOT 4 for a short period of use but the system must be flushed out as soon as possible. Caution: DOT 5 strictly cannot be mixed with DOT3 or DOT4.

COOLANT
Open the cap of the coolant overflow bottle. What is the condition of the coolant? A guide to its condition is its colour. Is it still green or has it turned brown? Discolouration means that it has to be replaced. Go to your technician to get the job down if necessary. Next, is the coolant level low? There is usually a "full" and "add" level. Add a new can of coolant if necessary. (Caution: do not add coolant when the engine is hot!)

ENGINE OIL
Make sure the car is parked on level ground. Pull out the dipstick; wipe it with a piece of rag and put it back all the way in. Pull it out again. Look at both sides of the dipstick. The lower reading is the accurate one. If it falls between the "full" and "add" mark, the level of the engine oil is okay. Otherwise, top up with the same type of oil currently being used. Remember to replace
the dipstick when you are done.

POWER STEERING FLUID
The procedure to check the level of power steering fluid is similar to that of checking engine oil level. Add the approved type of fluid, if necessary.

TRANSMISSION FLUID
If your car has an automatic transmission, check its fluid level. Start the engine and
have the shifter placed in "park". Remove the dipstick, wipe it with a rag and replace it. Remove it again and note the readings on both sides. The lower of the two is the correct reading.

WASHER FLUID
Being caught with no windscreen washer fluid may mean having to put up with bird droppings and mud on your windscreen during a journey. It is advisable to check the level in washer fluid container once every two weeks. Top up if necessary. Make sure the formulation of your washer fluid suits your driving condition.

/end

Fundamentals of Car Speakers -- Part 2

Speaker placement is not governed by hard and fast rules. Nevertheless, you can't go wrong if you follow certain guidelines. Coaxials are often mounted in the kick panels in front of the car. If your audio system consist of separate speakers, put the tweeters in front in the kick panels. Aim the right kick-panel tweeter at the driver; the left kick-panel tweeter at the passenger. Another location for tweeters is in the dashboard. Midbases are commonly mounted in the doors. Horns are often installed under the dashboard and the best place for center channels is in the middle of the dashboard.

Subwoofers (with the exception of free- air subwoofers) have to be enclosed in a box. Free air-subwoofers are normally mounted in the boot against the rear seats or under the rear deck. Since the boot acts as an enclosure for the subwoofers, the former has to be sealed. This is achieved by putting particle boards under the rear deck and behind the rear seats.

Several types of enclosures are possible for subwoofers. A sealed box features the subwoofer firing into the car with the back-wave suppressed inside the box. This box gives tight, accurate bass. A ported box features a vent (or port) that lets some air out of the box. Compared to a sealed box, a ported box delivers more output at the same wattage. For forceful bass found in rock and heavy metal music, some audiophiles prefer ported boxes. A bandpass box consists of a subwoofer between a sealed and a ported box. The sound that comes from the ported box carries extra thump, but over a narower frequency range. Bandpass boxes are thus super for rap and hard rock.

Some car audio freaks like to build their own subwoofer boxes. The most common materials used are five eight-inch (or thicker) particle board or medium density fibreboard; sometimes fibreglass is used to mould complex shapes. Subwoofer boxes usually have to be of the appropriate volume and design. Instructions for building a subwoofer enclosure can be found in car audio books. Speakers are wired either in series or in parallel. Each method has advantages and disadvantages.

The different ways are used to play with resistances so as to get more power out of amplifiers. Speakers wired in series means the positive of the first speaker is connected to the positive of the amplifier, and the negative of the first speaker is connected to the positive of the second speaker; then the negative of the second speaker is connected to the positive of the third speaker and so forth. Finally, the negative of the last speaker is connected to the positive of the amplifier.

The series total resistance is calculated by the following formula: R(t) = R(1)+ R(2) + R(3)+...R(n). Therefore if six 4-ohm speakers are connected in a series, their total resistance is 4+4+4+4+4+4= 24 ohms. One advantage of series connection is that if one speaker shorts, the others are not affected; on the other hand, if one speaker burns up, the others stop working.

Parallel connection of speakers means all speakers' positive terminals are connected to the positive terminal of the amplifier; likewise, all the negative terminals of the speakers are connected to the negative terminal of the amplifier. The formula for total resistance in parallel connection is l/R(t) = l/R(l)+ l/R(2) + l/R(3) +... l/R(n). So with six 4-ohm speakers connected in parallel, the total resistance is l/(l/4 +l/4+l/4+1/4+l/4+l/4) = l/3.5 = 0.28 ohms.

In parallel connection, if one speaker bums up, the others continue to play. Many amateur car audio enthusiasts hold he misconception that too little power can't harm speakers while too much power is bad for them. Actually, when speakers are over- powered, they can be destroyed thermally only when they don't have crossovers blocking off the frequencies they were not intended to play.

What is more dangerous to speakers is distortion, caused by turning the volume up to "make good" the lack of power. Distortion damages speakers in two ways. First, it raises the level of high frequency energy and it also raises the average power of the music signals. Unfortunately, for long term signals most speakers can handle lower power. It is therefore better to have more power than what you need. For front and rear speakers, you would need at least 30-50 watts each and for each subwoofer, at least 100-150 watts.

When you upgrade your speakers, bear in mind that it is also necessary to upgrade the speaker cables. [n most cases, however, 16 to 18 gauge wiring should be sufficient, with the exception of high-powered subwoofers.

Now how do you evaluate a speaker? The best way is to listen to recordings of music that you are familiar with. This means bringing your favourite CDs to the car audio shop. Good salespeople will play particular recordings to highlight the strengths of a speaker.

Another recommendation is to listen to light, simple music first such as sentimentals, blues and jazz, and then followed by more complex music with plenty of instruments (such as orchestra). This ensures that the speaker doesn't get hazy when things get complicated.

Two technical specifications that also warrant consideration are the speaker's continuous poer handling capability and its sensitivity. Remember that continuous power handling capability is more important than its peak power handling figure. For tweeters and midranges, power handling is not so important. For a subwoofer, its power capability must match that of the amplifier driving it. Sensitivity refers to how loud a speaker plays. At a given wattage, a highly sensitive speaker will play louder than a less sensitive speaker at the same wattage.

Is there a "best speaker" in the market? Generally, no particular brand of speaker can claim to be the best. The best speaker is the one which suits the listener's application best. May the best sounds be yours.

/end

Published by Monsoon Books, Singapore. Sold in Malaysia from Kinokuniya, Popular Book Store, Borders and MPH nationwide. An e-book edition is also available.

/end

Fundamentals of Car Speakers – Part 1

Speakers, the final link your car's audio system, is driven by the amplifier. Basically, a speaker works by creating air pressures of different frequencies and of different degrees. When electrical impulses from the amplifier reach the voice coil (attached to the cone of the speaker), the latter becomes magnetized. As the current alternates between positive and negative, the magnetized voice coil will either be attracted to or repelled by the fixed magnet at the bottom of the speaker. As a result of the attraction or repellation, the voice coil moves the cone, creating sound.

Two concepts related to speakers are "imaging" and "staging". Imaging is the ability to produce different sounds from the same place. When speakers are well-placed and of high quality, the sounds seem to come from different instruments and voices. Staging is the audio illusion that everything is in front of the listener. The right speaker location and direction are necessary for good imaging and staging.

There are several types of speakers: coaxials and separates (such as midbases, subwoofers, horns and centre channels). They were invented not because car audio manufacturers want to sell unnecessary products but because a single speaker cannot produce all sounds accurately. Therefore multiple speakers are necessary, each reproducing sound in the frequency range it was designed for.

A coaxial speaker consists of two or more speakers, including a crossover, built within the same frame. (A crossover is a device that takes a full range signal and divides it into different frequency ranges). Separates consist of a tweeter, woofer and an external crossover. Mid-bases handle frequencies in between those handled by tweeter and subwoofers. Subwoofers add low frequencies to the whole system. Horns, usually mounted under the dashboard, play mid and high frequencies and are more expensive than conventional speakers. When used, tweeters can be dispensed with. Center channels play a mono signal to create the audio illusion of singers being in front of the car.

Coaxials are often not as good as separates. Separates give you greater control over your imaging. For rear fill applications, however, coaxials perform well as imaging is not a primary concern. ("Rear fill" refers to the presence of depth and ambience in music).

Speakers come in various sizes, according to the frequencies they handle. As the wavelength of a 20,000 Hz signal is very small, it should be obvious that speakers which handle high frequencies are very small. Generally, the bigger the speaker, the lower it goes.

A subwoofer plays low sounds (particularly bass notes), such as those having frequencies below 120 Hz. On the other hand, a tweeter reproduces high frequencies ranging from 6,000 to 20,000 Hz.

Midbases play from around 50 Hz to 500 Hz. In terms of size, tweeters are half to one inch (in diameter); centre channels, three or four inches; midbases, from five to six inches; and subwoofers. from l0 to l8 inches.

Most speakers are round but a few are oval. Though a round speaker sounds better, an oval speaker -- by virtue of its bigger area -- is more efficient at producing bass. However, since it is less rigid compared to a round speaker, the former will distort more.

/end

Don’t neglect your windscreen wipers

Motorists change their engine oil and top up their battery water regularly. Yet how many bother to check their windscreen wipers? Not many. Often, wiper blades that are cracked, torn, brittle are still used nonchalantly without regard to the possible risks they pose.

The importance of effective windscreen wipers cannot be over-stressed. Wipers keep your windscreen clear of rain and road splash that may obstruct your vision. Even though wipers are not used daily, their average life span is about six months to one year.

Wiper blades may not be able to function properly because of several reasons, one of which is prolonged exposure to the elements. After having been exposed to the sun for long periods, the wiper blades may have come curved permanently and are unable to make full contact with the windscreen. Another reason is wear and tear on the edges of the wiper blades.

When the blade loses its edge, water gets under the blade and remains there. How a windscreen wiper performs also depends on the amount of spring tension on the wiper arms, the number of claws that hold the blade, and the design of the blade itself. Weak springs may fail to press the blade firmly enough on the windscreen for the former to wipe cleanly.

When the car is travelling at high speed, wind lift can also affect the wiping action of the blades. Compared to a regular windscreen, a steeply sloped windscreen with a larger glass area directs more wind against the wipers. The wind may lift the blades away from the glass unless they have been designed to counteract thermodynamic forces. Anti-wind lift design usually features vents and air-foils to cut lift and generate down force to hold the blade in constant contact with the windscreen as speed increases.

The design of the blade holder can also have a bearing on wiper operation. The function
of the blade holder is to distribute the tension of the wiper arm evenly over the blade while also allowing the blade to flex as it follows the curvature of the windscreen. Good blade holders have six claws to eight claws to distribute the pressure of the wiper arm over the blade.

So, how do you maintain your wiper blades? Check them at least once every four months or when they don't seem to function as effectively as before. Tree sap and hot wax treatments by automatic car wash can affect their effectiveness. Check that the pivot points of the wiper arms move freely. Apply oil to lubricate the pivot points if necessary. The wiper blades and windscreen should be cleaned with windshield wiper solution or mild detergent.

/end

Heun Kee claypot chicken rice is tasty but not of five-star standard

[Pixs copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

Several food bloggers and an English daily newspaper have made a big hoo-hah about Heun Kee Claypot Chicken Rice. Its two-way method of cooking -– using red-hot ambers on the metal lid of the claypot which is crackling atop a charcoal stove -- purportedly produces chicken rice that is so scrumptious. I decide to test Madam Heun Kee's culinary kung fu.

Inside the air-conditioned coffee-shop, I order claypot chicken rice (medium) -– S, M and L available -- and garoupa fish head. As I am early, my orders come quickly. A small plate of salted fish sits atop the contents in the claypot. After mixing the rice, salted fish and chicken pieces, I scoop a ladleful onto my plate and take the first bite. Hmmm...Huen Kee is several notches above average (4/5 stars) but -– I search my memory -- Choong Kee (Kampar) Claypot Rice of Damansara Jaya is better.

Side dishes available are claypot chicken with Chinese wine, claypot garoupa fish head, pork vinegar, fried chicken wings, plain beancurd with shallots. Heun Kee is located at No. 59 Jalan Yew, and first-timers to this area can be turned off by the crawling cars, lorries and three-wheeled bicycles. Opens from 11 am to 9:30 pm. Closed on the first and third Thursdays of the month.

Getting there: Travel along Jalan Pudu from the city centre. After passing the Balai Bomba and Post Office, proceed to Sungei Besi roundabout and take a nine o'clock turn. You are now in Jalan Yew under a flyover. A parking field is located across the road so take the first available U-turn. From the parking field, it’s only five minutes’ walk to Heun Kee.

/end

The Dish at Dua Residency serves exquisite fare

[Pixs copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

“For my birthday, let’s take buffet tapas brunch at the Dish,” my daughter says.

My wife looks up from the newspaper she's holding in her hands. “Good idea!”

I'm a lau jiao [old bird] with economical eateries but when it comes to the latest fancy restaurants, I'm a sin jiao [new bird]. “Where is it?” I scratch the back of my head.

“Dua Residency.” Christ, I’ve never heard of it. I must update myself.

Hachiko [pix below] is sitting on my lap, and I tickle her fluffy cheek. “How much per head?” I ask.

“Ninety-nine plus plus,” replies my daughter, staring at her laptop.

My jaw drops and I slap my forehead with my open palm. I feel dizzy and the living room suddenly becomes dark!

********

I feel something wet and rough rubbing against my cheeks. I open my eyes. Hachiko is licking my face. “Good girl,” I say, patting her head. "You want to mum-mum?" She wags her tail. For that price -- to get my money's worth -- I am thinking of smuggling Hachiko in a tote bag into the restaurant, and discreetly letting it have a chow down!

*******

We tootle to Dua Residency on Jalan Tun Razak. Dish is located inside the premises of the Delicious Group. The valet parking costs RM6.

We tick off almost all items in the order sheet. Served quickly, they are exquisite in taste and presentation. How I wish Hachiko can be here.

/end

Care Care: Understanding the clutch system

The automotive clutch is used to connect and disconnect the engine and manual (hand shifter) transmission or transaxle. The clutch is located between the back of the engine and the front of the transmission. Basically, the essentials to the performance of a clutch are:

• sure engagement
• smooth engagement
• efficient gear change
• absorption of noise and vibration
• durability

The clutch works on the principle that power flow from one unit to another unit can be controlled with a drive disc and a driven disc. In an automotive clutch, one disc is fastened to the rear of the engine crankshaft, and the other disc is attached to the input shaft of the transmission. When both discs are not connected the crankshaft can rotate while the transmission input shaft remains stationary. However, when the transmission disc is forced into the spinning disc on the crankshaft, both discs spin together. Power flow is thus transferred out of the engine and into the transmission.

Clutch operation is effected by a system of springs and plates. When the driver presses the clutch pedal, the clutch release mechanism pulls or pushes on the clutch release fork (please see diagrams.) The fork moves the bearing into the centre of the pressure plate. This causes the pressure plate face to pull away from the clutch disc, releasing the disc from the flywheel. As a result, the engine crankshaft can now turn without turning the clutch disc and transmission input shaft.

When the clutch pedal is released by the driver, spring pressure inside the pressure plate pushes forward on the clutch disc. It locks the flywheel, disc, pressure plate, and transmission input shaft together. The engine again rotates the transmission input shaft, transmission gears, drive train and wheels of the car.

The splines in the centre of the clutch disc mesh with splines on the transmission input shaft. This makes the input shaft and disc turn together. However, the clutch disc is free to slide back and forth on the shaft. The clutch cover assembly is bolted to the engine flywheel and its sole function is to engage and disengage the clutch plate to and from the face ofthe flywheel. It does so by exerting pressure against the facings of the clutch plate. During an engagement, the latter is firmly held against the flywheel and revolves with the flywheel without slipping. In disengaging the clutch plate, the clutch cover assembly releases its pressure, allowing the clutch plate to operate independently of the flywheel.

/end

Nightclubbers in Hot Legs Niteclub and Karaoke celebrate on New Year's Eve

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

“What a blunder you’ve made!” Mummy Lulu hollers to her secretary, standing in the doorway.

Six rows of boxes are stacked ten feet high in one corner of the room.

Sitting facing the mamasan across her desk, I roll five calendars and tie them up with a rubber band. “Thanks, Mummy, they’re more than enough.”

“It’s not my fault, actually,” her secretary says. “Your instructions were not clear.”

Mummy Lulu shakes her head. “I said order year 2013 calendars not two thousand and thirteen calendars!”

“But you –- ”

An announcement interrupts the argument. “Okay, laaaaydies and jeeeentlemen, it’s time to get together,” the emcee of Hot Legs Niteclub announces.

“Come, let’s go, “ Mummy Lulu says. “We’ll discuss the calendar boo-boo later.”

All the patrons, GROs and staff tootle to the dance floor and start to form a circle. From the VIP Karaoke Room, Chow Kah elbows his way to stand beside Jessica [left pix] and I manage to get a spot on her right. Arms across our chests, we link hands.

Scrambling through the crowd, Hussein falls face first on the floor trying to get beside Wati [centre pix]. She's wearing a black top with plunging neckline and a tinsel hat. Tough luck, two guys are already holding her crossed right and left hands.

Belinda [bottom pix], the post-op transsexual, picks Hussein up -– who has broken a front tooth -- and makes him hold Mummy Lulu’s hand. Belinda grips Hussein’s hand.

Chow Kah’s Papa, Ang Mor Sai, flashing a lecherous grin, reaches to hold Mummy Lulu’s other hand.

More than 30 patrons and the rest of the GROs -– numbering more than 20 -- complete the circle. The clock strikes twelve and the party sings Auld Lang Syne.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and old lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup of kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
And surely you’ll buy your pint cup!
and surely I’ll buy mine!
And we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes,
and picked the daisies fine ;
But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.
We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand my trusty friend!
And give us a hand o’ thine!
And we’ll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.


Red, blue and yellow balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling. “Happy New Year!” everyone yells!

Chow Kah, wearing a tinsel hat, starts to lean forward to kiss Jessica. She backs away and puffs with all her might into a paper blowout which hits Chow Kah’s pompadour. His wig comes off!

“Huahaahaahaahaahaa! I never knew you were bald!”

Face as red as a lobster, Chow Kah picks up the wig from the shiny, marble floor. He sticks it back on his scalp.

Mummy Lulu’s office staff distribute special colourful crackers -- each about six inches long -- containing personal items of the GROs to the guests. Each item has a tag with the name of the GRO.

Ang Mor Sai pulls his cracker and out pops Mummy Lulu’s panty hose! Draping it around his neck, he catches the aroma of musk, and he starts to dance with her.

Hussein tugs his cracker apart – BANG! -- and out comes Wati's handkerchief stained with cherry-red lipstick. The words "Wati" is embroidered on the hanky.

Chow Kah mumbles "Amitofu" a few times and pops his cracker. Out leaps Jessica’s stocking which exudes the fruity and spicy notes of Dior fragrance. Jumping with joy, he brings the stocking to his nose, balls it and keeps it in his shirt pocket.

I pop my cracker and receive -- of all the damnest things -- Belinda's socks!

The music plays, the booze flows, the buffet is attacked and everyone turns into party animals.

/end

Hot Legs Niteclub's customers choke on preserved olives, saved by first aid

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

Hussein asks everyone in the karaoke room: “Do you know why a Christmas tree is better than a man?” He cracks a Menglembu groundnut and pops the seeds into his mouth.

Wati [left pix], sitting beside him, says: “Because it's always erect!” She’s wearing a black bustier and a silver necklace.

“Well said,” Chow Kah says, flashing a toothy grin. He takes an olive [kana] from a platter of preserved tidbits and starts to chew on it.

Jessica laughs. “Because it has cute balls!”

I chortle with an olive rolling on my tongue. Suddenly, the little rascal slides into the back of my throat and I choke: “Hack! Hack! Hack! Hack! Hack!” I bend forward and slap my chest repeatedly.

Chow Kah asks: “Are you okay, buddy?”

I can’t speak or cough and I feel the blood rushing to my face.

“Goodness, he’s choking!” Hussein yells. “I’ll perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on him!”

He springs to his feet and moves to the centre of the room. “Stand up, quick. Here!"

I do as he tells me. From behind, he places his arms around my waist, and forms a fist with one hand. He grabs his fist with his other hand. Grunting, he delivers a few powerful upward squeeze-thrusts into my abdomen.

The olive flies out of my mouth. It hits the glass top of the coffee table and ricochets into Wati’s cleavage!

“Eeeeeeek!” Wati squeals. “I never knew a kana can be hum sup [lecherous]!”

Chow Kah laughs with his mouth wide open like a clown: “Huahaahaahaahaahaa!”

Wati wriggles her fingers into her cleavage to remove the rugby-ball shaped rascal. She tosses it into the waste basket.

As I'm returning to my seat, Chow Kah grabs his own throat and starts to cough: "Haff! Haff! Haff! Haff! Haff!"

“Come on, Chow Kah, stop pretending,” Wati says. “You want Jessica to hug you, isn’t it?”

Chow Kah does not answer but continues to cough: “Haff! Haff! Haff! Haff!”

“Jessica, it’s your call,” Hussein says. “I’m going to pee."

“I know all your tricks,” Jessica [pix above] says to Chow Kah. “I don’t know that Heim – Heim – what?” She leans forward and spears a hotdog with a tooth-pick.

Hussein disappears into the washroom.

Chow Kah bends forward and his face turns blue. His eyes look as though he bought them from a joke shop.

“Jesus Christ! He’s not pretending!” I holler.

“Somebody! Help!” Jessica yells, holding the hotdog in mid-air.

“Our customer’s choking to death!” Wati shouts, rising to her feet.

Katar Singh [pix below], a security guard who's walking past, rushes into the karaoke room. He makes Chow Kah lie facedown on the coffee table with his head dangling over the edge. Then he holds his hands together, brings them above his head and hammers Chow Kah’s back!

“Ptuui!” Chow Kah gasps as the olive flies from his mouth straight into Jessica’s miniskirt.

“Arrrrrrgh! My back! Arrrrrrgh! My back!” Chow Kah groans.

/end

Car Care: Selecting and maintaining tyres -- Part 2

[Article copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

Replacement Selection
Never guess what kind of tyres is right for your car. To assist your dealer to meet your tyre buying needs, supply the following information to him:

(l) The kind of car do you drive. Coupe? Saloon? Sports? What make? What model?

(2) The kind of tyres you are using now. Brand? Model? Size? Type? Just look at the side of your tyres for this information. Remember to check all four tyres and make sure they are the same.

(3) Your likes and dislikes about your current tyres. In what way do they make your car feel and sound?

(4) Your expectations from your new tyres. Comfortable ride? High performance? Achieving both is difficult. A tyre designed mainly for a comfortable ride will not handle as precisely as a high-performance tyre. Likewise, a high-performance tyre has to sacrifice a certain degree of comfort.

(5) Your normal driving conditions. Stop-and-go traffic in the city? Long distance? Red-earth road? Plantation roads? Up and down a hill resort

(6) The weather conditions your current tyres are mostly subjected to.

(7) The appearance you want for your car.

(8) The kind of warranties you want.

(9) Your budget.

Precautions
Based on the information provided, your dealer can recommend the best tyres for your needs. There are certain precautions, however, that you should heed.

(1) First, don't try to save labour charges by mounting tyres yourself unless you have received proper training and have the proper equipment. If something goes wrong during the mounting procedure, a tyre may explode, causing death or serious injuries.

(2) Always mount a tyre of a certain diametre on a rim of the same diameter. For instance, a 16-inch tyre should be fitted on a l6-inch rim. Never mount a 16-inch tyre on a 16.5-inch rim or a 16.5-inch tyre on a 16-inch rim.

(3) It is always best to have all four tyres of the same size, speed rating and construction (radial or non-radial). If for any reason you are using two radial tyres with two non-radial tyres, put the radials at the rear. Also, a radial and a non-radial should never be used on the same axle except when you are using one as a temporary spare.

Maintenance
Having bought and fitted the new tyres on your car, you should maintain them. Maintaining tyres is quite simple:

(1) Invest in a tyre pressure gauge and check the air pressure of the tyres at least once every month. Don't depend on the air meter at petrol stations as it may be inaccurate due to abuse or exposure to the elements. Keep a lookout for other tell-tale signs of improper pressure though. Do your tyres squeal when you turn a corner? If yes, one or more tyres may be under-inflated. Look at your tyres regularly. Does one of more of them look more bulgy compared to last month? If yes, they may need attention.

(2) Check the tread for pieces of foreign objects wedged in between and remove them. If left there, they may work their way deeper and damage the tyre. A visual once-over check is not enough to detect uneven wear. Be prepared to get your hands dirty by feeling the tread. High and low areas indicate irregular wear.

(3) Each tyre of a car wears out at different rates as each supports a different weight. Therefore, rotate them every 8,000 kilometres to increase their life expectancy. A popular way is to criss-cross tyres from one side to another.

(4) Never overload the car. Be aware that towing a boat, water scooter or trailer indirectly imposes additional load on the vehicle.

(5) Check your alignment of your wheels every I 6,000 kilometres.

(6) Avoid fast starts, stops and turns; avoid potholes and hard objects on the road; and avoid hitting the tyres against the curb. If the latter happens, always inspect the tyre to make sure that it has not suffered any structural damange.

/end

Car Care: Selecting and maintaining tyres -- Part 1

[Article copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

A tyre is not just a part of the car that is black, round and made of rubber. It plays an important role in its performance and safety. Also, regarding appearance, the car may look like an amateurish "boy-racer" if the sports tyres do not complement it.

Tyre basics
Now for some tyre basics: The illustrations below feature many basic tyre terms that you should be familiar with:

Aspect Ratio
Section Height/Section Width x 100.

Nominal Rim Diametre
Diameter of rim seat supporting the tyre head. Examples: 13", 15", 16".

Overall Diametre
The diametre of the inflated tyre without any load.

Overall Width
Maximum width in cross section of tyre without any load, including protruding side ribs and decorations.

Section Height
Distance from rim seat to outer tread surface of a tyre without any load.

Section Width
Linear distance between outside of side-walls if inflated and unloaded tyre (exclusive of protruding side ribs and decorations).

Tread Width
The portion of the tread design that comes in contact with the road. The second important aspect of tyres is their speed rating. A speed rating of a tyre is a letter indicating its maximum speed capability. The five major categories of speed ratings, from low to high, are: S, T, H, V and Z. As the speed of a tyre increases, its components start to deform, leading to heat generation. This is a normal effect of the deformation of the tyre due to centrifugal force. The faster the tyre spins, the greater it deforms, and as a result, heat is generated. For tyres driven at high speeds, engineers must try to control the deformation so that heat levels are confined to acceptable levels.

There are three basic types of speed-rated belting systems. For S- and T: rated tyres, two steel belts provide reinforcement for the tread to ensure a full, stable contact area. For V-rated tyres, extra reinforcement is necessary. One manufacturer achieves this with two nylon cap piles at zero degress; another manufacturer, by having one nylon ply folded over the edges of the steel belts. For Z-rated tyres, meant for today's high-performance cars, an extra measure of integrity is required. A few brands incorporate a steel belt wrapped by folded belt of Kelvar. This wrapping provides superior strength in the shoulder and allows a reduction of overall weight.

Speed ratings are determined using measurements obtained from an indoor test machine. The tyre is mounted under a specified load and pressure, and spun against a large roller to simulate harsh driving conditions. The speed of the roller is increased periodically until the tyre is damaged. Based on the results, and giving a margin of safety, the tyre is assigned a speed rating.

In USA, the Uniform Tyre Quality Grading System is a tyre information system that provides buyer with standardized information on treadwear. traction and temperature. Treadwear ranges from 60 to over 500. Traction grades, ranging from A to C (with A being the best), are an evaluation of the tyre's ability to stop a car in straight, forward motion on a wet test surface pavement. Temperature grades, a measure of the tyre's ability to dissipate heat, also ranges from A to C, with the former being the highest. Low profile tyres are getting popular. The term "low profile" generally refers to the 60 or 50 series tyres even though they go as low as the 30 series. As the term "low profile" implies, the tyre is lower lower than the normal tyres. The 60 series tyres have been around for a while and nowadays, more motorists are opting for the lower profile, 50 series tyres. Many imported cars, especially the more expensive and powerful ones, come with 50 series tyres. If you are not sure what type of tyre you are riding on, take a look at the markings on the sidewalls of your tyres.

For example, if you find the markings "185165 R14", the figures "65" denotes that you are using low profiles 65 series tyres while the figures "14" indicate that your rim should be l4-inches in diameter. The letter R stands for "$adial" which means that you are using a radial ply tyre and not the cross ply tyre. The numbers 185 is the section width of the tyre mea-ured in millimetres. You may find markings such as HR, VR or ZR. As explained, they indicate the maximum speed that particular tyre is good for.

If you see an arrow sign it means that it is a "directional" tyre and the tyre must be fitted to rotate in the direction to which the arrow is pointing. You may find "tubeless" indicating that the tyre need not have inner tubes but you can put them on if you wish to and there are occasions when you will have to use them depending on the kind of rim you are using.

Low profile tyres, in addition to being better in handling, also look better on the cars. Therefore many motorists change to such tyres not so much with safety in mind but because they make the car look sleeker and faster. However, it must be remembered that sometimes when changing to low profile tyres, the rims have to be changed too. so it becomes an expensive affair.

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Nightclubber Chow Kah gives a Christmas present to Jessica with an ulterior motive

[Pix of models for illustration purpose only]

“Here’s a small present for you,” Hussein says, handing over a colourful package tied with ribbons to Wati [left pix]. “It’s all in the joyous spirit of giving.”

They are seated at the bar counter, chatting, munching Menglembu groundnuts and sipping Hanky-Panky.

“Oh...thank you,” Wati says, leaning forward to peck his cheek. She’s wearing a miniskirt and a top with plunging neckline. Hoop ear-rings dangle from her ears and the scent of white lily and vanilla tittilate Hussein’s nostrils.

Wati puts the package on the counter and Hussein grins and places his hand on her lap. He winks and says: “You can only open it on Boxing Day. Better hang it at the top of the Christmas tree.”

“Why? Presents are usually placed below the Christmas tree.”

“Better not. The box contains an expensive watch. One of the Myanmar waiters may steal it. Come, let’s go hang the box,” Huseins says. “Is there a ladder?”

“Yes, in the storeroom.”

Wati leads Hussein to the storeroom and he takes a ladder out. He places the ladder next to the eigh-feet high Christmas tree at the end of the hall.

“Come on, climb up. I’ll hold the ladder for you.”

Holding the package in her hand, Wati climbs up the ladder and starts to tie the package to the highest branch.

Hussein manoeuvres to a strategic angle and looks up. His eyes bulge! He sees Wati’s round, solid buttocks and red panties. Quickly, he uses his cell phone to snap a photo for sweet remembrance.

Next day, he emails the photo to Chow Kah and I.

That evening, Chow Kah and I go to Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke. We perch ourselves atop a bar stool each.

“Please tell Jessica I’m here,” he says to the captain, a beady-eyed Vietnamese.

Chow Kah orders a Sapporo beer; I, vanilla milk shake.

Jessica, displaying a 36-24-38 figure, sashays towards us, her undulaunt butt making men's blood boil. “Eh? What a surprise,” she says. “Didn’t expect you to come today.” From Chow Kah's expression, I sense that her ample assets without bra in a top of thin fabric are making his nerves tingle.

“Happy coming Christmas!” Chow Kah says, grinning. “I came to give you a present. I bought it from Louis Vuitton. It made my credit card cry in pain. You must hang it at the top of the Christmas tree, so that it won’t get stolen.”

“Oh, thank you so much!” Jessica leaps with joy and hugs Chow Kah. His lecherous face appears beaming over her bare shoulder.

“Come, where’s the ladder? I’ll hold the ladder, you hang the present.”

From a distance, I see Chow Kah struggle with the ladder from the back and put it beside the Christmas tree. Jessica [left pix] removes her stilettos and starts to climb up. Chow Kah holds the ladder and smirks.

“Jessica...Jessica..." Mummy Lulu starts walking to Chow Kah and Jessica. “There's a phone call for you. My office phone. Caller says it’s urgent. You forgot to switch on your handphone."

Jessica climbs down and Mummy Lulu says: “Here. Let me do it for you. You want to hang the present up, right?”

“Yes, top branch.” Jessica hands the box to Mummy Lulu and patters away on her bare feet.

Mummy Lulu starts to climb the steps of the ladder, one hand holding the box. Though I notice Chow Kah is wearing a disappointed expression, he looks up at a strategic angle. His jaw drops and his eyes pop. At that moment, two Myanmar workers are carrying a crate of Bir Bintang through the hall, and they accidentally bump the crate against the ladder. "Ooops! Sorry!" one of them says.

The ladder wobbles. “Eeeeeeeeek!” Mummy Lulu staggers and falls off, her legs splayed.

"Look out!" I shout to Chow Kah.

Mummy Lulu's dirndl skirt balloons up and her crotch hits Chow Kah smack in the face. When she lands, the skirt settles down.

Knocked unconscious, Chow Kah lies on the carpeted floor with his head under Mummy Lulu’s skirt.

Several GROs rush to the mamasan. One of them asks: "Mummy! You okay?"

“Lucky Chow Kah broke my fall,” Mummy Lulu says.

While driving away from Hot Legs, I ask Chow Kah what did he see under Mummy Lulu's dirndl skirt.

"A canary-yellow G-string."


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Published by Monsoon Books, Singapore. Sold in Malaysia from Kinokuniya, Popular Book Store, Borders and MPH nationwide. An e-book edition is also available.

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Christmas greetings from Hot Legs Niteclub's Jessica and Wati

Wati [top pix] and Jessica [bottom pix], Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke's most popular hostesses, say: "Hi guys! We wish all Christian readers of The Wordslinger blog 'A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year' Kiss! Kiss!"

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Published by Monsoon Books, Singapore. Sold in Malaysia from Kinokuniya, Popular Book Store, Borders and MPH nationwide. An e-book edition is also available.

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