Thursday, August 25, 2011
I received an email from a Singaporean asking me whether I know the location of Cafe Lu in Pandan Perdana, KL, which has scantily-dressed waitresses. Nasi ulam, teh tarik, nasi lemak and roti canai are sold at triple the normal prices in this cafe. All hot-blooded men, please be informed that this Hooters Kopitiam does not exist in KL -- it's just an urban myth created by Malaysian bloggers. The real joint, owned by a Vietnamese, is flourishing in Santa Ana, California, USA.
Monday, August 22, 2011
The moon, long an object to curiosity and worship, has inspired many tales in ancient China. While on board a boat, Tang Dynasty poet Li Po was believed to have tried to embrace the reflection of the moon while he was drunk. He fell overboard and drowned. In days of yore, people regarded a round shape as family reunion; thus, an auspicious time for family members to get together was when the full moon appeared. At no other time of the year is the moon brightest and fullest on the fifteenth day of the eighth lunar month. This year, that auspicious day falls on September 12, 2011 (Monday), which is also known as the Mid-autumn Festival. Lantern processions and the eating of mooncakes are highlights of the celebrations.
In Malaysia, which has a Chinese population, the Mooncake Festival is also celebrated on a fairly grand scale with prayers and reunion dinners. Altars are set up in the open air under the moonlight, and offerings of pomegranates, pomelos, steamed sponge cake, water-calthrops, mini yams and mooncakes are laid. The moon is worshipped, and there is feasting, moon gazing and, in modern families, partying and drinking. Children carry lanterns and sometimes competitions are held. According to older generations, on this day, the taboo of not pointing to the moon should be observed, lest a moon fairy will cut off one’s ears!
Weeks before the festival, mooncakes and lanterns are put up for sale. In the Chinese districts of many cities, particularly Kuala Lumpur, Georgetown, Malacca and Ipoh, red boxes packed with mooncakes are piled high on the sales counters of restaurants, and lanterns in the shapes of animals, flowers, butterflies and cartoon characters dangle in clusters from toy stores and incense shops. In keeping with the times, some of the lanterns are operated by battery though those lighted by candles are still popular. Mooncakes are bought not only for prayer and consumption but to be given to friends and relatives.
Shaped like the surface of a moon, mooncakes come in various traditional varieties. They can be filled with black-bean paste, brownish lotus-paste, yellow-bean paste and lotus-seed mixed with sweetened paste. Usually, a preserved duck-egg yolk is added to the stuffing. These mooncakes are of the Cantonese version, and in addition, there are also less popular Hokkien-style mooncakes that come in long, cylindrical rolls and Teochew mooncakes filled with yam. In Malaysia, halal mooncakes are also available. To cater to the increasing sophisticated taste buds of Malaysians, bakeries have made innovations in mooncakes such as ice-cream mooncakes, pandanus moncakes, green tea mooncakes and durian mooncakes.
The origins of the Mooncake Festival have been lost in the mists of time, but there are two legends associated with it. The first concerns its role in the overthrow of the Yuan Dynasty (AD 960-1280) that was established by the Mongols in ancient China. Under the oppressive rule of the Mongols, gatherings of a group of people were forbidden, and it was decreed that each household be allowed to own only one kitchen cleaver, which was chained to a chopping block. It was impossible to organise any uprisings. Liu Fu Tong, a rebel leader of Anhui province, requested permission from the District Officer to distribute cakes to bless the longevity of the Mongolian emperor. The District Officer agreed, and Liu made thousands of round cakes which he called mooncakes. Each cake contained a piece of paper outlining the plan of an attack. He told the recipients to eat the mooncakes on the 15th day of he 8th lunar moon. On that fateful day, when the people cut the mooncakes, they were able to coordinate a rebellion on a local scale. Another rebel leader, Chu Hung Wu, capitalised on the chaos to overthrow the Mongol emperor, and established the Ming Dynasty in AD 1368).
Another myth concerns Chang Er, who was a daughter of a poor farming family. When she was 18, Hou Yi, a skilled archer from a neighbouring village, saw her attending to the fowls in her parents’ farm, and he was captivated by her beauty. Over the next few days, he deliberately rode passed the farm again and managed to introduced himself. She accepted his friendship, and soon they became lovers. During the period of their courtship, a phenomenon happened. The ten suns of the earth that took turns to bring warmth and light appeared together. Rivers dried up and the country became barren, causing famine and massive destruction.
Hou Yi climbed up to the highest mountain he could find and launched his mighty arrows. One by one, nine of the suns were shot down. The people rejoiced and made Hou Yi their King. He married Chang Er, and they lived happily for several years. However, Hou Yi changed into a despot, and tried to seek immortality. He employed sorcerers to produce an elixir of life for him. One prominent sorcerer told him Hou Yi that he needed children to be sacrificed as part of the process of creating the elixir. Hou Yi ordered his troops to snatch children from their families, and the elixir tablet was almost completed.
One evening, Chang Er sneaked in the sorcerer’s chamber that was housed in a tall tower in the palace. She rummaged everywhere and found the tablet. At that moment, the sorcerer burst in and Chang Er quickly swallowed the tablet. The sorcerer raised the alarm and in rushed Hou Yi who tried to force his wife to return the pill. It was too late. She had swallowed it, and in her attempt to escape from Hou Yi, she was forced to jump from a window. However, she did not fall but floated up to the moon, where she lives alone. Another version says that as punishment for stealing the elixir of life, Chang Er was turned into a three-legged toad. Her pet rabbit became her companion and is always pounding the elixir of immortality in a large mortar. Today, it is believed that people celebrate the Mooncake Festival to remember Chang Er.
[Pixs of models for illutration purpose only]
Saturday night at 11:45pm: My buddies Chow Kah, Hussein, together with the hot, hot GROs -- pulchritude-packed Jessica, who’s a sight to relish and Wati, a 36-24-36 sex bomb with curves shaped to arouse – and I are talking shop in the VIP Room of Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke, tucked in Bukit Bintang, the ritzy district of Kay El (Kuala Lumpur). Our voices are hoarse from too much singing and it is time to slow the momentum with some chit-chat.
“Ah...Chow Kah, our playboy king, care to share any recent success or failure stories in your philandering?” I ask, peeling a slice of fresh orange.
“I went to a dance club in Jalan Ampang recently. Tried to chat up a hot gurl but she rejected me. Funny, she was dressed sexily but turned out to be cold. Then I approached a plain Jane who was wearing pant suit. Hah...! She agreed to join me for dinner and dancing.”
“Don’t judge a woman’s sexuality by the way she dresses,” saya Wati, exposing silky brown skin with her black, bare-back dress. Seated beside her is Hussein – his hands are cracking groundnuts, but in his mind, he is caressing the soft curves of Wati’s tender flesh.
Jessica concurrs: “Yes, siang mien or physiognomy or face-reading is more reliable than sizing up her dressing. According to ancient Chinese belief, the size of a man’s organ is indicated by his nose; the bigger his nose, the bigger his organ and vice-versa. For a woman, the size and the shape of her womanhood is indicated by her mouth."
We three guys suddenly feel consicous of our noses!
“To determine whether a woman is highly sexed, you should look at her brows for a start. A woman whose eye brows are shaped like a new moon is emotional and liable to physical passion. That means she is easy to pick up and go to bed with.” Dressed in a revealing-neck-lined top exposing her prominent peaks, Jessica is churning up lust in Chow Kah who's snuggled next to her.
He explores Jessica’s sensual curvature teasingly. “Interesting...but what are new moon eye brows?” Her silk stockings are cold to his touch but hot to the eyes.
“New moon eye brows are like inverted semi-circles.” Jessica’s manicured, slender forefingers draw two imaginary inverted U’s in the air.
“The eyes're also an indicator. If there're clusters of red dots in the whites of the eyes, that woman is a nymphomaniac.”
Hussein and Wati hypnotically gaze into each other’s eyes, checking for red spots in the whites. Her perfume cloys his nostrils like sweet dew, and the spell is broken. They burst out laughing.
“Next you should look at her mouth. According to siang mien masters, a woman with a small mouth's more easily satisfied in love-making than one whose mouth is large. Thick lips also indicate strong passion.”
I stare at Jessica’s mouth. “Hmmm...I notice that you use your lip liner and lipstick inside the natural lip line so that your lips look thinner. Your lips actually are thick. Hah....! That means you’re highly sexed!”
“Nonsense...” snaps Jessica with a coquettish laugh. Her mouth is like a red flower photographed blooming in fast-motion. “Other features can counter balance; please let me continue. Ears are also an indicator of a woman’s sex drive. A small ear lobe with a round and wide inner circle shows the woman has a strong sex urge. In addition, if she has a round outer ear, the woman's not only interested in sex but is too lusty except for the most hum sup man!"
“Now, look at my ear lobes. See? They’re big and longish, which neutralize my thick lips.”
Everybody is impressed with Jessica’s knowledge of siang mien. “Hey, let’s call it a night and ask for the bill,” says Chow Kah. He gulps down his Asahi, emptying the mug.
Minutes later, Mummy Lulu enters the room with the bill. She puts it on the coffee table and steps backward. Chow Kah scrutinizes the facial features of the Mamasan who's in her 50’s but packs a solid body.
"Omigosh...she has new-moon eyebrows," Chow Kah whispers to me. "Also, thick lips, small ear lobes, round outer ear and red dots in her whites of her eyes. Jesus! Mummy Lulu's highly sexed!"
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]
Want to play lustful games with tongue and fingers with a vampish Malay GRO (aka hostess)? Or explore the soft curves of her tender flesh while singing your favourite songs? Maybe drink the sweetest nectar from her velvet cup? Here’re a few karaoke spots that will make the blood of passion swell in you. Just tell the Mamasan what you want and she will bring the erotic lady-of-pleasure for your wet, hungry consumption.
Wisma Pan Dynasty
Jalan Loke Yew
[D’Boss grabbed attention several years back when one of its GROs was fined by the KL Magistrate’s Court for indecent coyote dancing; in fact, its GROs have had skirmishes with the law more than once.]
7th floor, Menara MAA
Jalan Dewan Bahasa & Pustaka
[Seeking privacy for your philandering? Tucked in Menara MAA in a secluded corner of the city, Sapphire has lots of action in the karaoke rooms, according to postings in a sex forum website.]
Rich City Karaoke & KTV Lounge
Lot 500-1-1, Wisma Indah
Jalan Tun Razak
Basement, Sun Complex
Jalan Bukit Bintang
[Just 15 to 30 minutes' stroll from the hotels along Jalan Bukit Bintang.]
Wisma Teo Swee Kian
Jalan 1/77, Off Jln Bukit Bintang
[Only a beer can’s throw away from Sun Complex.]
Lorong Loke Yew
[Mostly patronized by locals and located in the city outskirt. Used to be a low-class nightclub a decade ago, with countless motorcycles parked outside then, but has re-invented itself.]
Gold Mine KTV Lounge
Jalan Jejaka 9
Taman Maluri, Cheras
[Popular with local Chinese patrons, and located in a housing area. Gained notoriety many years ago when the KL Magistrate’s Court fined one of its GROs for table-top dancing -- she was only clad in a G-string.]
New Subaru KTV
5th Floor, Kompleks Wilayah
Jalan Munshi Abdullah
Lot PT18, Jalan Gelang
Off Jalan Sungai Besi
Tel: 03- 9222-3111
[Despite being badly located, this club often has expensive cars parked outside; housed within its premises is also a spa -- with or without hanky-panky service is up to you.]
No. 32-38 Jalan 19/3
[Though Mercury is not in KL, I have included it in this list because lau jiao (Hokkien for “veteran”) nightclubbers claim their Malay gurls are lust-invoking and daring. Uh eiah boh? ["True or not?"] Of course, uh eiah!
Lot 673, Ground Floor, Block B
[A few years back, one of Crystal's GROs -- a Malay sex kitten in her 20's -- was raped, sodomised and murdered in her apartment. One of her regular clients was arrested and charged in court, but was not convicted because of insufficient evidence.]
No. 48, Jalan Metro Pudu 2
Fraser Business Park
Off Jalan Yew, KL
[Just tell the taxi driver that the Park used to be the site of the Fraser & Nerve factory, and he will know how to get you there. Apphire KTV is next to a 7-Eleven store.]
28, Warisan Cityview
Block N, Jalan 3/93A
Taman Maluri, KL
Tel: 03-9205 6280
[Opposite Jaya Jusco Taman Maluri and is a private membership club. Their website claims they render "assistance at roadblocks." ]
Sunway Butterfly KTV
No. 56, Jalan PJS 8/6
Bandar Sunway, PJ
[Supreme Council Members of Kai Zong Association (literally means "Chicken Worm" in Cantonese or "Kaki Perumpuan" in Malay language) swear the Malay GROs in Butterfly KTV are pleasing to the eyes and blood-churning to the loins -- you see them, you buay tahan. (can't resist.)]
Last but not least, I must mention that a few karaoke clubs in the commercial blocks adjoining Fahrenheit 88 (not within the premises of the mall) are also worth checking out.