Saturday, May 29, 2010

No girlfriend? Then get a transsexual girlfriend! -- Part 2

"Tell me, Fred," I asked. "Where and how does a man get to meet transsexuals? Any particular place they hang out? Any informal clubs?"

Sweeping a hand over his hair, he said: "Decent transsexuals are found in decent places, of course. They like to work in boutiques, salons, costume jewellery stores, and so-called feminine places. Several are also wedding planners and fashion designers.

"If a man is serious about getting a world-class transsexal beauty, he should go to Thailand to attend the annual Miss Tiffany Universe and Miss International Queen. During those events, there'll be countless opportunties to meet many gorgeous transsexuals. I don't mean meeting the contestants; actually, among the audience will be a good crowd of transsexuals."

"Oh? Really?" I turned to the barman. "One more beer, please."

"My friend, don't be scornful of those beauty contests. The winner gets a Mercedes Benz, a jewel-studded crown and the equivalent of around ten to twenty thousand ringgit. Miss Tiffany Universe is telecast live by BBC and CNN, and is watched by fifteen million viewers worldwide -- anyway, let me get back to where I was.

"Now...given the Internet's popularity, social networking websites are also excellent avenues to know transsexuals. Of course, there are forums catering to transsexuals. Ladyboyspattaya dot com is one site you should check out."

"Is it easier to date a transsexual than a real woman?"

"Of course, not! Many transsexuals are highly suspicious of men," replied my shemale-loving pal, raising his eyebrows. "Don't believe what you see in porn movies or the concocted horror stories from the Lorong Haji Taib area. Transsexuals're not lustful maniacs dying to give men oral sex on a first date! In fact, many don't want to get involved with men who're after cheap thrills."

"So how does a man date a transsexual woman?"

"Just proceed as you would date a normal woman. If you know her through the Internet, write an honest email to her. Attach your photo and give enough details to stimulate interest in you. Start your email with something like 'I understand from your personal ad that you're a transsexual but, honestly, it's not important to me. Can we be friends?'"

"Okay, any dating tips to share if she responds?"

He said: "There are several no-nos when on a date with a transsexual. First, never take her to a sports bar to watch wrestling or football on the big screen. If you do that, she knows you don't understand her at all. Keep in mind, she's a woman through and through.

"Second thing is... never ask about her anatomy. 'Are your breasts implants?' Or 'have you gone for an operation?' Also, 'do you shave your legs?'"

"Omigosh, the man cannot ask his date about her sex organ ah? Wouldn't it be disgusting if they end up as a couple later and he finds that she still has a gugujiao?!" I sniggered.

"Huaaahaaahaaa!" laughed the barman uproariously, who had been listening to every word.

Fred was not amused. "Look...if a man is turned off by that pre-op condition, he's not emotionally and mentally ready to have a transsexual girlfriend!"

"Okay, fine, fine; please continue."

"Digging into her emotional past history is also taboo. She's on a date to enjoy your company so treat her like a lady, not a freak to be analysed. Also, be sensitive to her feelings. Avoid using words like pondan, katoey, wadam or ladyboy. Transsexuals love flowers, so bringing a bouquet for her will start the man off on the right foot."

"I see...I see... Since, there're so many obstacles, any special technique to use during the courtship?"

"Actually, a pre-op transsexual is easier to get as a girlfriend. Pay for her sex-reassigment surgery and the man stands an excellent chance of winning her -- provided she has been sincere from the start of the relationship."

"What's the damage to the wallet?"

"Around twenty thousand ringgit, if done in Thailand," replied Fred, wiping froth from his upper lip. "That does not include post-op hormone therapy and other stuff."

"Wow... not cheap huh?"

"But it's worth it. I forgot to tell you one thing. Do you know that a transsexual does not menstruate? So you can have sex with her three hundred and sixty-five days a year! Isn't that great?!"


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