Ewe Paik Leong, The Wordslinger: Chow Kah and Hussein give Valentine’s Day presents to their girlfriends in Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke

“Chow Kah, Happy Valentine’s Day!” Jessica leans forward to deliver a French kiss to him (pix above). “So what have you got for me this year? I see you’ve a big brown paper bag with you.”

“Flowers!” Chow Kah smiles, revealing teeth the colour of rice.

“Oh, thank you.” Jessica picks up her wagyu-beef burger and chomps on it (pix above). “You’re a sweet man.”

Chow Kah dips his hand into the brown bag. "Ta-ta!"—he takes out two heads of cauliflowers—"You can stir-fry the cauliflowers with prawns! I’ll come help you eat them!”

My eyes span wider in surprise. “A romantic Valentine’s Day dinner eating cauliflowers?” From the corner of my eye, I see Hussein and Wati stifling chuckles.

The Gang of Four and I are lounging in the VIP Karaoke Room of Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke in Bukit Bintang, KL. The air is thick with the fragrance of rose wafting from a canister of air-freshener on the coffee table.

Chow Kah replaces the two heads of cauliflowers in the big brown bag, folds the top and hands it to Jessica. Smiling, she takes the bag and puts it beside her on the velvet sofa.

“Jessica,” I say, “I can give you a recipe for stir-fried cauliflower if you want.”

Jessica puts down her wagyu-beef burger. “I also have a Valentine’s present for you, Chow Kah.” Grinning, she plucks a piece of facial tissue from a box on the coffee table and wipes her hands.

A smile tugs at Chow Kah lips. “Oh? What?”

“A blowjob! I’ll do it slowly for you.”

Hussein’s jaw drops! Mouth gaping, I pick up a groundnut and crack it.

Chow Kah’s eyes gleam with eagerness. “Serious?”

“Of course, I’m serious!”

“When are we going to do it?”

“Now! Let’s not delay your pleasure!”

“No problem!” Chow Kah wipes silvery droll from the side of his mouth with his sleeve. “Men’s washroom or ladies' washroom?”

“Here, in the karaoke room!”

“Eeeeek! Obscene!” exclaims Wati, snuggling up to Hussein, and covering her eyes with one hand. Hussein’s face appears over her smooth shoulder, his eyes screwed up in delight.

“What! Here?” Chow Kah scratches the back of his head.

“You’re not shy, are you?” From her handbag, Jessica whips out a hair dryer and connects the plug to a socket on the nearest wall. She switches the hair dryer on and blows hot air at Chow Kah’s hair! “Slow, slow, darling,” she says, her words trailing in a fit of giggles. After a tick, she puts the hair dryer away. “Pull that cauliflower stunt on me again next year” – she picks up a beer bottle (pix below) – “and I’ll clobber you with this beer bottle!”

“Hussein,” I ask, “what’ve you got for Wati?” I lob some nuts to the back of my throat.

Hussein tosses his gaze at me. “Something to do with carat!”

“Whoopee!” Wati’s lips upturn in a smile. “Where did you buy it from? Tiffany in Pavilion?”

“Nope.”

Jessica arches her eyebrows in question. “Poh Kong?”

“Nay.”

Chow Kah uncrosses his legs and sits upright. “Wah Chan Gold and Jewellery?”

“No, actually, I bought a four-pound carrot cake from Ben’s Cake Shop!” Hussein chortles. “It’s in my car.”

Wearing a disappointed expression, Wati turns away from Hussein, casts her gaze downward (pix below) and brushes her hair with one hand.

“Sweet thunderation! Wati’s crying!” I jerk upright in my seat. “You’ve hurt her feelings!”

Jessica wags a slender finger at Hussein. “Hussein, to make up for the cruel joke, you should take Wati shopping! And you, Chow Kah”—she turns to face him—“can also get me a proper V-Day present.”

“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.” Hussein plucks a piece of tissue paper and dabs at Wati’s eyes. “Here, let me dry your crocodile, err, I mean, pitiful tears!”

“An excellent idea from you, Jessica.” I bolt to my feet. “Let’s go, everybody. Pavilion’s just across the road. Let’s take a slow walk over there.” I brush bits of groundnut shells off my pants. “I want to take a browse, too.”

**********

“Hey, guys,” Jessica says, standing on a moving escalator in Pavilion (pix above). “If you’re not sure what to get for your wife or girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, just take her shopping, you hear?” She sips her drink. “Let her buy whatever she fancies! Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!”