Tips to be a good kisser, according to romance and relationship consultant Angie Ang

“Yes, Mr Kok?” Angie swings her gaze at her client and twirls a pen in one hand. “What’s your appointment regarding?”

Standing in the doorway, Robin Kok flashes a shy smile. “How to be a good kisser!”

Angie’s eyes shine with a twinkle. “Come on in.” She gestures to a chair beside her desk. “You can take a seat there.”  

Robin closes the door behind him, saunters to the chair and settles on it. “I’m just plain Robin, no need for formality.”

Angie harrumphs. “First, you must ask permission from your girlfriend.”  She spreads her hands. “Be simple and direct. Say, ‘darling, can I kiss you?’.”

“Huh? Isn’t a stolen kiss sweeter?”

Angie straightens up in her chair. “Nooo! You cannot do that! Don’t be influenced by movies.”

Robin adjust his spectacles. “Gee.. I am shy to ask!”

“Then drop a hint! Stare at her lips, start leaning forward slightly and whisper, ‘I feel so romantic with you, can I…’ and trail off.  If she jerks her head backward or turn sideway, be prepared to apologize. She will respect you for this gesture. Don’t sulk!”

“Okay, okay!”

“Now, the prelude to kissing is oral hygiene—brushing of teeth followed by a gargle with a mouthwash. Avoid eating garlic, onion, durian and diary-rich food as these can give your breath a strong smell.  Carry a mint mouth spray with you if you plan to kiss your girlfriend.”

Robin puckers his lips and points to them with one finger. “Sometimes, my lips are dry because I don’t drink enough water.”

“Rub some lip balm one or two days before your date.” Angie turns to face her computer and clicks the mouse a few times. “See this diagram?” She points to an image on the computer screen (pix below) “To kiss, tilt your head sideways to the right if your girlfriend’s head is tilted to the left. Vice versa.  Part your lips slightly to make contact with your girlfriend’s lips.”

“Can I jam my tongue in?”

“Hey! Not so fast!” Angie’s eyes span wider, her tone of voice matching her shocked expression. “Go easy with the tongue. Lick her lips gently to test her physical reaction. Then you can go deeper if she responds well. But don’t polish her gums and teeth with your tongue! While kissing, close your eyes and control the saliva.”

“I will definitely close my eyes! My girlfriend’s face is full of pimples!”

“You must also put your hands to good use.  Hold her hands, put your hands on her hips or on her shoulders.”

“Gee, all this sounds theoretical to me.” Robin stares at Angie’s lips. “Can you give me a demonstration?”

“Oh? A demonstration means my consultation fee will be doubled.”

“No problem!”

Angie lifts the receiver of her desk phone and holds it to one side of her face. “Josephine, please come here.” She replaces the receiver back in its cradle.

The door opens and a woman enters (pix below)

Angie thrusts her chin at the woman. “Robin, please meet Josephine, my tea lady.” A smirk forms on her lips. “She will demonstrate the kissing techniques with you according to my instructions.”

“Huh!” Robin’s face blanches.

/end