Tips to feng shui your car, according to Sifu Sabrina

I park my jalopy at The Waterfront in Desa Parkcity and go wait at the sidewalk for Sifu Sabrina. Yesterday, I phoned her for feng shui tips for one’s car and she suggested a spin in her coupe. “Let’s take a drive to Pasir Penambang in Sungei Buloh,” she said. “Seafood lunch on you in return for the feng shui advice.” I agreed.

I hear a couple of toots and see a red sports car stop behind a row of parked vehicles. The door swings open. My jaw drops! Sifu Sabrina (pix above) is inside the coupe, smiling and biting the nail of her little finger. I stride across to the car and hop in the passenger seat. A woof! greets me. I slide a glance over my shoulder to see a dog in the back seat.

"That's Percy!" Sifu Sabrina says. "He enjoys car rides."

She manoeuvres the car out of The Waterfront and within minutes we are cruising down the coastal road to Sungei Buloh. She casts a side glance at me. “I shall not comment on the importance of car numbers as it is obvious to everyone. So, my first principle for car feng shui is to keep the car clean and free of clutter. The windows and windscreen are especially important in this aspect. Next, once you get in the car, always turn on the radio for a short while even if you don’t intend to listen to music. The energy from the music will drive away negative vibes. Also screen down the windows for a while so that stale air which contains negative chi can escape."  

We come to a traffic light and a car pulls abreast of us. The driver of the other car—a twenty-something guy sporting a gold earring and peroxide blond hair—revs the engine, jerks the car forward repeatedly. It is an unspoken challenge to race. Sifu Sabrina makes a face at the guy and cheekily sticks her tongue out.

The light turns green and we lurch forward, tyres screeching, rubber burning. “Another good practice is to wrap small handfuls of salt in cloth bags and keep them on the floor. The salt will absorb negative chi that your passengers may track into the car. Change the salt bags regularly.” I look at the vanity mirror and see that the other car is behind us.

We come to a sharp bend. Sabrina shunts down a gear, and the engine whines in protest. “You can also hang a symbol of protection like the dragon on the rearview mirror or use a key chain with a metal dragon figurine,” she continues, stomping on the gas pedal and turning the steering with utmost precision. The car swerves into a screeching drift round the bend. Momentum throws me sideways. My head knocks against the side window.

We are now hitting a straight stretch. “Next is the colour.” Sifu Sabrina moves to the outside lane and begins to overtake a silver saloon. “The colour must complement the owner’s kua number.”

“Look out! A truck ahead!” I scream, my heart thumping inside my rib cage.

“Relax, Ewe!” She flicks on a switch and giggles, red lips parting like a rose in bloom. “Turbooo!”

The car shoots forward like a cannonball, leaving a cloud of exhaust fumes in front of the silver saloon. Whoa! I am thrown backward in my seat. My eyes bulge in fear as the oncoming truck rumbles by with only centimetres to spare. The next moment, I crane my neck to look at the speedometer. “Jesus Christ! We’re doing 180!” I glance at the back seat. Sifu Sabrina's dog, Percy is wedged between the cushions!

A titter erupts from Sifu Sabrina's throat as she tosses a side glance at me. “You’re not scared, are you? It’s nought to naughty in under ten seconds for this souped-up car!” She lifts one hand off the steering and brushes stray strands of hair from her face. “As I was saying, first calculate your kua number and choose the colour that complements it. For 1, the colours are blue and black – either one; 2, yellow and brown; 3, deep green; 4, light green; 5, yellow or brown; 6, white, gold or silver; 7, also white, gold or silver; 8, yellow or brown; 9, red, orange or pink.”

Sifu Sabrina slams on the brake.

I am thrown forward and my head cracks against the dashboard. “Ouch!”

“We’re in Pasir Penambang," she says. "Fast eh?”

She points to a signboard “Riverview Seafood Restaurant” with a dainty forefinger wearing beige nail varnish. “That restaurant is good.”

We get out of the car and I see her searching for something on the ground.

“Lost something?” I ask.

“I accidentally brushed my ear against the door and my earring dropped.” She squats down, picks up her earring and clips it on her earlobe (right pix). “I'm done.” Rising to her feet, she opens the back door and takes Percy out, its tail wagging. 

As we stride towards the restaurant, I ask, “How to calculate your kua number?”

“Treat me to something next week and I’ll tell you.” Sifu Sabrina wrinkles her nose as Percy licks her face.

"Sure! It's a date!" I reach out and pat Percy on the head.

 /end

                                                                    **********

---Trailer on YouTube for my nonfiction work "Pattaya Undercover"
The link is below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAD4u589ysk

---Trailer on YouTube for my novel "Burma Road Driver, Resistance Fighter" 
The link is below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrU4fJIEBJk

/end