Ewe Paik Leong, The Wordslinger: Shape of a woman’s lips indicates her sexual performance, says Jessica of Hot Legs Nightclub

(Pixs of models for illustration only)

I gulp a mouthful of whisky and put the glass down on the coffee table. “Jessica, you’ve read anything interesting from the Journal of Sexual Medicine of late?” I wipe my mouth with a piece of Kleenex.

“Why?” asks Jessica, holding a glass in one hand. Her legs are crossed at the knees, her miniskirt riding up to reveal creamy thighs.

“My readers love to read new research findings on sexuality.”

Jessica, Wati, Chow Kah, Hussein and I are tucked in the VIP Karaoke Room in Hot Legs Nightclub in KL’s Golden Triangle.

Jessica’s pink lips open like rose petals. “Did I tell you about a paper titled ‘Vaginal Orgasm is more Prevalent among Woman With Prominent Tubercle of the Upper Lip’? A psychology professor named Stuart Brody of the University of the West of Scotland conducted the investigation.”

“Nope. But the name sounds familiar.” After a pause, I snap my fingers. “He’s the guy who found a correlation between the way a woman walks and her sexuality, right?”

Chow Kah’s face beams with interest. “Jessica, please explain in layman terms.”

Jessica tosses her long hair sideways. “That Stuart guy found that women with a puffy tubercle are more likely to experience orgasm when she has sex. Details are in Journal of Sexual Medicine, October 2011 issue.”

Hussein’s jaw drops. “Holy smoke! Angelina Jolie has orgasm every time she has sex?”

“No, don’t be mistaken.” Jessica spears a piece of papaya and brings it to her mouth. "The study does not mean bee-stung lips but the little spot in the centre of the upper lips.”

Chow Kah turns sideways at the waist, tilts his head slightly down to look at Jessica’s lips. “Where?”

Voluptuous Wati (left pix) dressed in a floral print dress, cuts in, “The tubercle is the plump spot beneath the cupid’s bow. It can be seen clearly if you make a duck-face.” She tilts her jaw upward and pushes her lips out. "See?"

Running a gentle finger across her upper lip, Hussein splutters, “Wow! Big!”

Without knocking on the door, Mummy Lulu struts into the karaoke room on stilettos, and shows a V-sign. “What! Ewe, you’re sitting alone again? Come on, support us, and pick a hostess.”

I smile sheepishly and shake my head. “No thanks.”

Staring at Mummy Lulu’s lips, Chow Kah gasps in surprise, “Jesus Christ! Mummy's tubercle is bigger still!”

“I also read that article,” says Mummy Lulu. “Jessica lent the journal to me." She pouts her lips. "See how big my tubercle is?” She winks at Chow Kah. “So, lover boy, my offer's still open. My place or your place?”

Chow Kah blanches.

*****

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