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Tuesday, December 28, 2021

Mummy Lulu of Hot Legs Niteclub toasts her patrons on New Year’s eve!



“Here’s my toast to patrons of Hot Legs Niteclub,” says Mummy Lulu, her voice like the caw of a crow. “Come in the evening or come in the morning; come when you've a booking or without warning; a thousand welcomes you'll find before you; from pretty hostesses both seasoned and new."

“To women and beer,” Johnny Yap, owner of Hot Legs Niteclub, says. “Both are so much better when they're not flat." Smiling, he shows a gnarled thumbs-up.

Wearing shades, Chow Kah lifts his glass of champagne. “Here's to Jessica, who dresses in black; always looks neat and never looks slack; when she kisses she kisses so sweet; that she makes things stand that have no feet!”


"To all those who wish us well,” Jessica hollers. “All the rest can go to hell." She upends her shot glass and her garnet lips stretch into a smile.

Head in a tilt, Hussein says to Wati, “Here's to sin and here's to virtue; a little bit of both won't hurt you; a little virtue is enhancing; a little sin can be entrancing; be good, Wati, but don't be haughty; there's too much fun in you being naughty.”


A grin splits Wati’s face into two, revealing white, even teeth.  “Here's to the good woman who loves her husband for the things he has learned from some other woman not so good!”

I toast, “Here's to our sweethearts and wives; may our sweethearts soon become our wives, And our wives remain our sweethearts. Happy New Year!"



Sunday, December 26, 2021

Pascal Chove is a master of the female anatomy, says Sifu Sabrina

I take a nip of my 1837 TWG tea and my gaze wanders, lighting upon the gilt-framed paintings on the walls before settling on Sifu Sabrina. “Who’s the artist?” I put the china cup back on the saucer with a whisper of a clink, sniff at the tea’s tang swirling about and lean back in my velvet chair.



The dangerous slopes of Sifu Sabrina’s body shift as she turns on the sofa to face me and my nerves feel seismic vibrations. “Pascal Chove.” Her voice is a husky coo.  “A French.” Her curly eyelashes flicker, their innuendoes harpooning straight to my thudding heart.

Sifu Sabrina and I are sitting tucked in her condo’s living room, its quietness swelled like a helium balloon, intermittently punctuated by a jazz piano solo. She has one knee bent and resting on the cushions, and the hems of her hotpants are clasping her upper thighs like lecherous hands.

“He’s good, shows mastery in the folds of cloth, knows how to interpret sensuality. Tell me more about him.”

“Born in 1960 in Paris. Studied at the DuperrĂ© School of Applied Arts. Has held exhibitions in America, Belgium, Holland, Japan and Korea.”

A sensitive statement curls into a question. “Price of each painting?”

“From USD1,000 upward, depending on size.” Sifu Sabrina brushes a copper curl away from her forehead with red-tipped fingers. “I bought them online.” 

My gaze drifts to a painting on a creamy side wall. “That’s a disgusting, ugly, old woman.”  A memory of  Medusa twitches in my mind. “Why would Pascal want to paint her?”

“You son-of-a bitch, Ewe!” Sifu Sabrina’s black eyes crackle like BBQ kindling sticks. “That’s my Mum! It was done by a Central Market artist.”

Heat scorches my cheeks and slithers down my neck. “Oops!” My fist flies to my mouth. “I’m sorry, really sorry.” I fight off a nascent grin but loses to my jaw dropping.

Sifu Sabrina’s sharp gaze captures mine for a silent beat across the coffee table, its volcanic marble top knocking light into my eyes.  Then, our joined laughs climb small steps all the way up to high, idiotic cackles, and teeter down.

/end 

Wednesday, December 22, 2021

Jessica goes Christmas shopping

While browsing in a men’s store in Pavilion KL, I spot a familiar face and figure a few feet from me. Great balls of fire! It’s Jessica wearing a mask. 

“Hi, Ewe!”  Her gaze swings to me, walnut-coloured eyes twinkling with a gleam. “Buying presents for your family?” Her gaze returns to the products on the wall display rack.

“Yup. You, too?”

“I just bought a pair of boxers for my boyfriend. I’m also looking for a masturbator for him.” 


“Huh? Why?”

“If he doesn’t like the boxers, he can go fuck himself using the masturbator!”

My throat goes dry at the serious look on Jessica’s face. “Go to Endah Parade for sex toys.”




“Merry Christmas to readers of your blog!” Her husky voice heats my skin. 

 “Same to you.” Jessica and I part ways.

 /end

Monday, December 20, 2021

"Happy Chinese Winter Solstice," says Jessica

“In China, winter solstice marks the day with the shortest daylight,” Jessica says, striding on heels to a padded chair. “It’s celebrated with reunion feasts and offerings to the gods.” She plunks her butt down and crosses her slender legs. 

“In north China”— my eyes span wider at the sight of her exposed thighs— “jiazi or mutton-filled dumplings are consumed to keep warm; in south China, folks eat tangyuan or soup dumplings.” A smile punches two dimples in her cheeks. “Happy Winter Solstice.”

Friday, December 17, 2021

What! A red-light coffee shop also has MySejahtera?

“Excuse me, I wanna go to the gents,” Chow Kah says, rising from his chair.

He disappears to the back of the café and I pick up his cell phone from the table and go to his MySejahtera.



Holy cow! His last check-in was a red-light coffee shop and he forgot to check out.

I go to the photos section.

 


Sweet thunderation! One-stop Food Court is back in action. 


“Ahem!” Chow Kah’s voice growls behind me. “It’s only open from 12 noon to 6 pm."

/end

Thursday, December 16, 2021

# 1 horror teaching of Mao Zedong during the Cultural Revolution (1966 to 1976)

 

“No gods shall tell us what to do. We are masters of our own destiny.”                                                                                                          -- Chairman Mao                                                                                     

As a result, thousands of temples, monasteries and statues of Taoist gods and of Lord Buddha were destroyed. 



After Mao’s death, religious freedom was restored but, till today, there is no official religion for the PRC.

Saturday, December 4, 2021

Three sexy women YouTuber-pianists whom men love to watch, according to Mummy Lulu

 



I slouch in my armchair and sip my beer as I listen to Mummy Lulu plays the Warsaw Concerto on her Steinway piano in the living room of her condo in Cheras, KL. Putting the mug down on the coffee table with a clink, I ask, “Why are you starting to play again?”

Mummy Lulu’s face is tense in concretion and flashes a gaze at me. “Women YouTuber-pianists can get a lot of male fans on their channels.”

“Name a few of them.”

“For instance, there’re Lola Astonava, Pan Piano and Leezy. I want to start my YouTube channel featuring my piano-playing. I wish to get hunks and handsome guys as my fans. Later, I can befriend them.”

 


 




“I’m behind you all the way Mummy. I’ll be your first subscriber.”

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCan62YLpqNQ_rtmYUb0tqiQ 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCI7ktPB6toqucpkkCiolwLg 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOON7HbktJy5i19fyKTOEXw

“Piano playing also keeps your fingers nimble and beautiful.”

I step from my armchair and take a closer look at her hands. By golly, you’re right, Mummy. Such beautiful fingers you have.”


/end