Sunday, March 6, 2016

Sifu Sabrina gives Sakura Siew tips how to safeguard her marriage

[Pixs of models for illustration only]

Sifu Sabrina runs her hands through her hair (pix above). “Wow! It’s windy here! I never expect the wind to be so strong at a waterfall.”

I wade through ankle-deep water and step up on a boulder. “Aren’t you ladies going to discuss what we came here for?” I stand facing Sifu Sabrina and whip out my mobile. “Sabrina, strike a pose!”

“Sure!” Sifu Sabrina cocks her head sideways. “Shoot!”

Click! I save the photo (pix below). “Come on, ladies, I’m going to lay the mat and take out the food.” I replace my moby in my belt pouch and tread gingerly over the gravelly river bed to the sandy bank. Butterflies flit around the river bank and hoots of macaques occasionally echo in the surrounding forest.

I squat under the shade of tall dipterocarp trees and unfurl a pandanus mat.  From a picnic basket, I take out boxes of sandwiches and fried chicken drumsticks. “The food’s almost ready!”  I  start to unload bottled soft drinks and plastic cups on the mat.

“Alright, I’ll be done in a minute,” Sakura hollers as she allows cool water to cascade over her (right pix below).

Soon, Sabrina and Sakura are sitting at the sides of the picnic mat and munching sandwiches.

“So, Sakura, this picnic’s your idea.” Sabrina tucks her shapely legs under her buttocks. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Gimme tips to safeguard my marriage, Sabrina.”

“Your husband’s having an affair?” Sabrina raises her eyebrows. “But -- but he’s already eighty, isn’t he?”

“He’s been coming home late quite often.” Sakura rests her hand holding a sandwich on her lap. “As the saying goes, prevention is better than cure.”

“Most important is the north-west sector of your home. You need to strengthen it.”


“A few auspicious things can be hung there. A family photo of  you, him and the kids is the best choice. When it is lighted up, the chi created will help ensure that he returns home to this family. Additionally, supplement the photo with a painting of a pair of mandarin ducks or a coin tree (pix below).” Sabrina takes a bite and starts to chew. “Do you’ve a big garden?” She flicks a gaze at me. “Not enough mayonnaise, Ewe.”

I nod. “I bought the sandwiches.”

“Yes,” Sakura says. “I live in a bungalow and there’re land all around.”

“Then the northwest corner of your compound also needs attention. Don’t have any water features like a miniature fountain or a pond there. Instead have a rock garden, something solid. Moving water may trigger roving eyes in a man.”

I toss a gaze at Sifu Sabrina, her hair blowing in the wind (pix below).  “What about the marital bedroom?”

“Yes, don’t have a mirror that faces the marital bed.” Sabrina takes a gulp of her lemonade and focuses her attention on Sakura. “If the mirror cannot be moved elsewhere, cover it up with a sheet when the mirror is not in use. Finally,  you can also strengthen the matriarchal sector of your house – that’s you.” She pauses. “The matriarchal sector faces the south-west. The best symbol to put there is a golden rooster. This animal is territorial and its ferocity will drive away potential family-breakers."

“Great! I’ll install a very big rooster to amp up my chi! Then I can hen-peck my husband!”

My jaw drops and a soggy morsel of meat drops out of my mouth.


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