Cigarette clamped between his lips, Peter Phang strides on the pavement on Gurney Drive after having taken his dinner. As he approaches his car, he sees a stunner walking on the other side of the road. In the same league as Japanese actress Keiko Kitagawa, the woman (pix above) is garbed in a black bare-back top that reveals a 38-24-36 figure.
Peter exhales a puff of smoke. “Someday,
I’m doing to get a girl like that!" He turns his head to
admire the sway of her hips and her long, flowing hair.
Wham!
He crashes into a lamp post, staggers backward and falls on his butt. Face
grimacing in pain, he decides that it’s time for an appointment with Angie Ang,
a romance and marriage consultant based in Love Lane. He looks around on the
pavement. Where’s his cigarette? Gee! He must have swallowed it!
****
Peter
rests his hands on the arms of his chair. “Miss Ang, I want to have a hot, pretty
girlfriend. Can you advise me?”
“Have
you approached any beautiful women?” Angie rests on arm on her desk (pix above).
“Nope,
I’m scared.”
“A
man who’s afraid to approach beautiful women should sprinkle fertilizer in his
crotch and water it every day.”
“What
do you mean?”
“He
should first grow two balls!” Angie releases a chortle. “A faint heart never
wins a fair lady, and a brave heart is needed to win a beautiful lady. If a man
isn’t handsome, another quality is needed: a thick skin.” She studies Peter’s
face. “You’re not too bad looking, so what’s holding you back?”
“Apart
from being fearful, another reason is money.” He rubs his thumb and forefinger.
“I’m just the typical office executive and my Papa’s not a millionaire. Therefore, I've insecurities about my finances, you know, I'm scared she might look down on me because I'm not rich."
“In
that case, you need to show you’ve potential and are working towards higher
goals.” Angie casts a gaze at Peter’s eyes. “Some rich men’s sons are wastrels
and playboys. The intelligent dudette knows there’re such thrill-seeking hyenas
lurking around, so some don’t always fall for money. Therefore, a go-getter can
make a positive impact on a pretty gal. Example, a guy who turns into a beach
bum at Batu Ferringhi every Saturday is assessed differently from
another who’s attending stock-market-trading seminars or studying part-time for
a second degree or starting a part-time business. If the woman perceives her suitor as a potential self-made millionaire or a potential high-achiever, he still has a 50:50 chance of winning her. You get the
drift? Be a man of high potential. That’s how you solve the money aspect of getting a beautiful GF." She
pauses and twirls a lock of hair. “Of course, the basics of being a gentleman must
also be there. Good personality, good grooming, perfect social etiquette. No need to wear Bally shoes or
Gucci shirts. Just dress smartly and smell good.”
Peter
lifts his arm and takes a sniff at his armpit and Angie’s jaw slackens. He
smiles sheepishly when he sees Angie scrunching up her face, her eyes wide with horror. “How to meet
beautiful women?”
“Expand
the boundaries of your social life. Go less often to hawker stalls in Chulia Street
or Lorong Selamat. Focus on trendy spots where you’re likely to find 10/10 or
9/10 babes. Examples are clubs in Upper Penang Road or cafes in upscale shopping malls. A fitness centre is
also a great place to meet hot babes as many of them like to maintain their
figure. A self-service laundrette is also a good try. Very few beautiful women join online dating sites so forget those avenues.
Those who do are very likely planning to marry foreigners to leave the country
for good. Also ignore the pretty faces in Facebook who have two or three thousand
friends. You’re unlikely to stand out from the crowd.”
“Can
you give me some techniques to approach her?”
“Never
give a sui chabor a second or third glance and smile hoping that she smiles
back. That’ll never happen. Just go over and talk to her. Whatever you say, never compliment how beautiful
she looks. Gorgeous girls have heard such sweet words a zillion times. Talk to her like she's an ordinary woman but display rock-solid self-confidence. If she walks
away, never follow her around. Be a man and accept the rejection. When you’re
home, record what you’ve said and how in a notebook. Yes, write it down – I’m
serious. Use that same tactic again a
few more times. If it still doesn’t
work, that means you’ve to change or
fine-tune the approach. If you manage to
get a first date, treat it as an ordinary date. If you want to, just bring a
single rose. Not a big box of chocolates or a dozen roses. For a first date, that’s
over-doing it. She probably has other guys queuing up to buy her things. So, your gift probably won't mean much to her. For the average man who can’t impress her with a Platinum American Express credit card -- annual fee is three thousand plus -- or good looks, he should use other
means to outshine his competitors.” She leans back on her chair. “See the
type of woman whom Salman Rushdie has been married to? That’s the power of
intellect. So, make an impact on her with your intellect, conversational
skills and self-confidence. A sense of humour is also an asset. Be somebody she can have good, clean fun with. A man who displays body language that indicates nervousness (pix below), will lose the battle even before it’s begun.”
Peter hikes his chin. “Where
do I take her?”
“A
decent cozy place you can afford in the long run." Angie brushes a stray hair from her face. "A common mistake by some men is to
take a girl to a super-expensive place on the first date to impress her. But when the lucky fella
has subsequent dates every weekend, he feels the pinch and tries to downgrade the
venues with excuses like, I know this hawker centre that’s fantastic or Ah Chai’s
char kwey teow is die-die must eat! This will be disastrous and will surely lead to being
dumped in the friendship zone.” Angie exhales
a breath. “In summary, you just need more
finesse in executing your tactics and some adjustments in approach. Beautiful
women are also human beings. Don’t be scared.”
/end
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