[Pixs of models for illustration only]
Cigarette clamped between his lips, Peter Phang strides on the pavement on Gurney Drive after having taken his dinner. As he approaches his car, he sees a stunner walking on the other side of the road. In the same league as Japanese actress Keiko Kitagawa, the woman (pix above) is garbed in a black bare-back top that reveals a 38-24-36 figure.
Peter exhales a puff of smoke. “Someday, I’m doing to get a girl like that!" He turns his head to admire the sway of her hips and her long, flowing hair.
Wham! He crashes into a lamp post, staggers backward and falls on his butt. Face grimacing in pain, he decides that it’s time for an appointment with Angie Ang, a romance and marriage consultant based in Love Lane. He looks around on the pavement. Where’s his cigarette? Gee! He must have swallowed it!
Peter rests his hands on the arms of his chair. “Miss Ang, I want to have a hot, pretty girlfriend. Can you advise me?”
“Have you approached any beautiful women?” Angie rests on arm on her desk (pix above).
“Nope, I’m scared.”
“A man who’s afraid to approach beautiful women should sprinkle fertilizer in his crotch and water it every day.”
“What do you mean?”
“He should first grow two balls!” Angie releases a chortle. “A faint heart never wins a fair lady, and a brave heart is needed to win a beautiful lady. If a man isn’t handsome, another quality is needed: a thick skin.” She studies Peter’s face. “You’re not too bad looking, so what’s holding you back?”
“Apart from being fearful, another reason is money.” He rubs his thumb and forefinger. “I’m just the typical office executive and my Papa’s not a millionaire. Therefore, I've insecurities about my finances, you know, I'm scared she might look down on me because I'm not rich."
“In that case, you need to show you’ve potential and are working towards higher goals.” Angie casts a gaze at Peter’s eyes. “Some rich men’s sons are wastrels and playboys. The intelligent dudette knows there’re such thrill-seeking hyenas lurking around, so some don’t always fall for money. Therefore, a go-getter can make a positive impact on a pretty gal. Example, a guy who turns into a beach bum at Batu Ferringhi every Saturday is assessed differently from another who’s attending stock-market-trading seminars or studying part-time for a second degree or starting a part-time business. If the woman perceives her suitor as a potential self-made millionaire or a potential high-achiever, he still has a 50:50 chance of winning her. You get the drift? Be a man of high potential. That’s how you solve the money aspect of getting a beautiful GF." She pauses and twirls a lock of hair. “Of course, the basics of being a gentleman must also be there. Good personality, good grooming, perfect social etiquette. No need to wear Bally shoes or Gucci shirts. Just dress smartly and smell good.”
Peter lifts his arm and takes a sniff at his armpit and Angie’s jaw slackens. He smiles sheepishly when he sees Angie scrunching up her face, her eyes wide with horror. “How to meet beautiful women?”
“Expand the boundaries of your social life. Go less often to hawker stalls in Chulia Street or Lorong Selamat. Focus on trendy spots where you’re likely to find 10/10 or 9/10 babes. Examples are clubs in Upper Penang Road or cafes in upscale shopping malls. A fitness centre is also a great place to meet hot babes as many of them like to maintain their figure. A self-service laundrette is also a good try. Very few beautiful women join online dating sites so forget those avenues. Those who do are very likely planning to marry foreigners to leave the country for good. Also ignore the pretty faces in Facebook who have two or three thousand friends. You’re unlikely to stand out from the crowd.”
“Can you give me some techniques to approach her?”
“Never give a sui chabor a second or third glance and smile hoping that she smiles back. That’ll never happen. Just go over and talk to her. Whatever you say, never compliment how beautiful she looks. Gorgeous girls have heard such sweet words a zillion times. Talk to her like she's an ordinary woman but display rock-solid self-confidence. If she walks away, never follow her around. Be a man and accept the rejection. When you’re home, record what you’ve said and how in a notebook. Yes, write it down – I’m serious. Use that same tactic again a few more times. If it still doesn’t work, that means you’ve to change or fine-tune the approach. If you manage to get a first date, treat it as an ordinary date. If you want to, just bring a single rose. Not a big box of chocolates or a dozen roses. For a first date, that’s over-doing it. She probably has other guys queuing up to buy her things. So, your gift probably won't mean much to her. For the average man who can’t impress her with a Platinum American Express credit card -- annual fee is three thousand plus -- or good looks, he should use other means to outshine his competitors.” She leans back on her chair. “See the type of woman whom Salman Rushdie has been married to? That’s the power of intellect. So, make an impact on her with your intellect, conversational skills and self-confidence. A sense of humour is also an asset. Be somebody she can have good, clean fun with. A man who displays body language that indicates nervousness (pix below), will lose the battle even before it’s begun.”
Peter hikes his chin. “Where do I take her?”
“A decent cozy place you can afford in the long run." Angie brushes a stray hair from her face. "A common mistake by some men is to take a girl to a super-expensive place on the first date to impress her. But when the lucky fella has subsequent dates every weekend, he feels the pinch and tries to downgrade the venues with excuses like, I know this hawker centre that’s fantastic or Ah Chai’s char kwey teow is die-die must eat! This will be disastrous and will surely lead to being dumped in the friendship zone.” Angie exhales a breath. “In summary, you just need more finesse in executing your tactics and some adjustments in approach. Beautiful women are also human beings. Don’t be scared.”