Sifu Sabrina advises how to feng shui your car

[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]

I park my jalopy at The Waterfront in Desa Parkcity and wait at the sidewalk outside Onde Onde for Sifu Sabrina. Yesterday, I had phoned her to ask for feng shui tips for one’s car and she had suggested a spin in her coupe. “Let’s take a drive to Pasir Penambang in Sungei Buloh,” she had said. “Lunch on you in return for the feng shui advice.” I had agreed.

I hear a couple of toots and see a red sports car stop behind a row of parked vehicles. The door swings open and sitting inside is Sifu Sabrina (pix above), smiling and biting the nail of her little finger. I stride across to the car and hop in the passenger seat. I hear a woof! and slide a glance over my shoulder to see a dog in the back seat.

"That's Percy!" Sifu Sabrina says. "He enjoys car rides."

She manoeuvres the car out of The Waterfront and within minutes we are cruising down the coastal road to Sungei Buloh. She casts a side glance at me. “I shall not comment on the importance of car numbers as it is obvious to everyone. So, my first principle for car feng shui is to keep the car clean and free of clutter. The windows and windscreen are especially important in this aspect. Next, once you get in the car, always turn on the radio for a short while even if you don’t intend to listen to music. The energy from the music will drive away negative vibes.”

We come to a traffic light and a car pulls abreast of us. The driver of the other car –-- a twenty-something sporting a gold earring and peroxide blond hair -- revs the engine, jerks the car forward repeatedly. It is an unspoken challenge to race. I see Sifu Sabrina make a face and cheekily sticks her tongue out.

The light turns green and we lurch forward, tyres screeching, rubber burning. “Another good practice is to wrap small handfuls of salt in cloth bags and keep them on the floor. The salt will absorb negative chi that your passengers may track into the car. Change the salt bags regularly.” I look at the vanity mirror and see that the other car is behind us.

We come to a sharp bend. Sabrina shunts down a gear, and the engine whines in protest. “You can also hang a symbol of protection like the dragon on the rearview mirror or use a key chain with a metal dragon figurine,” she continues, stomping on the gas pedal and turning the steering with utmost precision. The car swerves into a screeching drift round the bend and I am thrown sideways, my head knocking against the side window.

We are now hitting a straight stretch. “Next is the colour.” Sifu Sabrina moves to the outside lane and begins to overtake a silver saloon. “The colour must complement the owner’s kua number.”

“Look out! Lorry ahead!” I scream, my heart thumping inside my rib cage.

“Relax, Ewe!” She flicks on a switch and screams excitedly, “Turbooo!”

The car shoots forward like a cannonball, leaving a cloud of exhaust fumes in front of the silver saloon and I am yanked backward in my seat. My eyes bulge in fear as the oncoming lorry rumbles by with only centimetres to spare. The next moment, I crane my neck to look at the speedometer. “Jesus Christ! We’re doing 180!” I glance at the back seat. Sifu Sabrina's dog is wedged between the cushions!

A giggle erupts from Sifu Sabrina's throat as she casts a side glance at me. “You’re not scared, are you? It’s nought to naughty in under ten seconds for this souped-up car!” She lifts one hand off the steering and brushes stray strands of hair from her face. “As I was saying, first find out your kua number and choose the colour that complements it. For 1, the colours are blue and black – either one; 2, yellow and brown; 3, deep green; 4, light green; 5, yellow or brown; 6, white, gold or silver; 7, also white, gold or silver; 8, yellow or brown; 9, red, orange or pink.”

Sifu Sabrina slams on the brake.

I am thrown forward and my head cracks against the dashboard. “Ouch!”

“We’re in Pasir Penambang," she says. "Fast eh?”

She points to a signboard “Riverview Seafood Restaurant” with a dainty forefinger wearing beige nail varnish. “That restaurant is good.”

We get out of the car and I see her searching for something on the ground.

“Lost something?” I ask.

“I accidentally brushed my ear against the door and my earring dropped.” She squats down, picks up her earring and clips it on her earlobe (pix below). “I'm done -- let’s go,” she says, rising to her feet.

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