(Pixs of models for illustration purpose only)
Sifu Sabrina (left pix) shoves a notepad and a ball pen across the table to Chow Kah “Please, give me your part chee.”
Ang Chow Kah scribbles on the note pad and returns it to Sifu Sabrina. “There you are!”
“Holy Toledo! Your birth particulars indicate that you’re a wolf, a whorehound, a skirt-chaser, a playboy, a lothario and a philanderer!” She looks up and holds Chow Kah gaze with hers for a few moments. “But that’s none of my business. I don’t judge my clients.”
“That’s being very professional,” I say, sitting beside Chow Kah.
“So, how can I help you?”
Chow Kah smiles sheepishly. “I heard Sakura Siew managed to hook a husband based on your advice. I want to have more girlfriends!”
“Simple. Just as the north-west corner is the Patriarch Corner, the south-west is the Matriarch Corner. In your bedroom, hang a painting of beautiful women in the south-west corner. A photograph will also do.” She flashes a sly smile. “In your case, the more women in the painting, the merrier! Next, activate your thou-far corner. Thou-far is Cantonese for peach-blossom. What’s your animal zodiac sign?”
“Goat.”
“For a Goat, the thou-far direction or peach-blossom direction is north. Thou-far animal is Rat. Hang a painting of a cute Rat on your north wall in your living room. Or display a rat figurine.”
*****
A month passes. My cell phone rings; the caller ID shows Chow Kah.
“Ewe, something’s wrong!” Chow Kah gasps. “I’m getting lots of emails. Last week sixteen emails; today four. But not from girls, from gays and transsexuals! But I've a painting of four nudes (pix above) hung up in my thou-far corner."
“While you’re at work, maybe your wife took down the painting?”
“By golly! You may be right! I leave the house early and come back later than my wife. Can you pick me during lunch and we go check out my home?”
“Sure.”
*****
Half an hour later, Chow and I are the living room of his condo. Chow Kah points one wall. “There’s my Rat symbol. It’s a female rat. Sexy, eh?”
I nod my head, and we enter his bedroom.
Looking around, Chow Kah exclaims, “Holy shit! Who put that photograph there!”
Hanging on one wall is a five-by-three-feet photograph of a group of hunks (pix below).
Chow Kah hollers to his Indonesian maid who comes running from the kitchen.
“Where’s my painting of the four nude women?”
Standing in the doorway of the bedroom, the dumpy maid says, “Bapak, everyday your missus hides it under the bed after you’ve left for work. Then she hangs the photo of the five men. Before you come back, she returns the nude painting to its original spot.”
/end
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