Thursday, September 18, 2014

Mummy Lulu of Hot Legs Niteclub gives tips to cougars on how to snare a toyboy

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

“Mummy Lulu, you’re the biggest cougar in town, so can you give some tips how to hook a toyboy?” asks Chow Kah.

Mummy Lulu (right pix below) squishes her eyebrows and leans forward on her desk. “Cougar?”

“A cougar is an older sexy woman who prefers a younger man.”

“Ah…thank you for the compliment,” says Mummy Lulu, flashing a set of pearly teeth. “But why you want to know?”

“So that I can advise my aunt. She told me she’s tired to dating beer-bellied, half-bald men.” Chow Kah crosses his legs and rests his arms on the armrests of his chair. “First question – where to find toyboys.”

“Before I come to that, the first point I want to emphasize is that the woman must look the part. She must look as attractive as possible for her age. That might mean that she has to go for a face-lift or dye her hair, if necessary.” She pulls out a 4R-size photo from her right side drawer. “See this? That was me a few years back. See how much younger I look now?”

Chow Kah gazes at the old photograph (right pix below) of Mummy Lulu. “Wow! What a transformation! I get your point. Keep in shape, use beauty products, get a breast-lift, go for dental implants, right?”

“Yes. Coming back to your question, there’re no cougar-dating or toyboy sites locally but nevertheless an older woman can use a general dating website to advertise who she wants to meet. She should be honest with her age and be explicit that she wants to meet younger men. I also recommend a cougar-to-be to hang around dance clubs and bars catering to the younger set. She can go alone or with female friends. That’s the time for her to flaunt her jewellery and expensive clothes. In other words, to show her fine taste, maturity and financial stability. Definitely, she must dress to kill. But she must not expose too much flesh otherwise she might be mistaken for an old hooker! However, she should be a little flirty with her body language. You know, make eye contact with men who interest her and flash a smile. The oldest pickup line in the book ‘Can I buy you a drink’ can still make many young hunks shake in their pants.”

Chow Kah feels something rubbing his leg. “Any dating tips?”

“She should control the conversation but not smother the youngster with motherly advice. She should be herself and not pretend to be young. Of course, she should foot the bill and not expect her date to go Dutch. A toyboy’s world may be small but that is an opportunity a cougar can tap into. The lecherous old woman, er, I mean, the cougar can take the toyboy to exclusive clubs, introduce him to new exciting sports and activities, or even take him on vacation in faraway lands.”

Chow Kah leans back and looks down at his feet. Holy shit! Mummy Lulu’s rubbing her bare foot against his shin! He starts to stammer, “What’re the -- the advantages of having a relationship with a younger man?”

“The cougar will feel younger and her life will be enriched, more exciting. Her sex life will be more satisfying if she’s into that. One caution about sex. Never go to the toyboy’s place for a fling. A hidden camera may be installed for future blackmail. Always use a hotel room or go to the cougar’s place.” She pushes her spectacles slipping down her nose into place with a finger and flashes a grin. "Well, handsome, my place or a motel?"

Shocked by Mummy Lulu's proposal, Chow Kah stands up suddenly, causing the chair to topple over backward. “Thank you for the tips!” He bolts from Mummy Lulu's office room like he's being chased by a tigress.


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