Wednesday, July 30, 2014
MasterChef Madelyn serves me bull penis soup and reveals her secret recipe
[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]
I ring the door bell and the solid nyatoh door swings inward. Standing in the doorway is MasterChef Madelyn Miao (left pix), the 2013 winner of MasterChef Beijing, who hails from Shanghai. “Ni hao!” she says, flashing a smile revealing pearly white teeth. “You’re on the dot. I just took out the ingredients from the pantry.”
“Thank you for inviting me to try your bull penis soup,” I say, slipping off my sneakers. “How’s your cookbook coming along?” I step inside the studio condo, feeling cool air from the air-conditioner caressing me.
“Just halfway through.” She waves me to the dining table with a glass top and legs of wrought iron. “I will need you to edit it for me.”
“It'll be my pleasure." I settle down on a high-back metal chair and Madelyn sits opposite me.
“I’ve written down the ingredients of the bull penis soup for you.” She digs out a folded piece of paper from her cleavage, and my eyes nearly pop from their sockets. “Here it is!” With a smile, she hands the paper to me across the table.
As I unfold the paper, I catch a whiff of perfume and read the handwritten words mentally.
Bull penis 0.5 kg
Wolfberry (kay chi) 10 grams
Angelica sinensis (dong kwei) 10 grams
Dried black dates 10 pieces
Plain water 1.7 litre
Salt and pepper to taste
“Perfumed paper, hmmm….nice smell,” I quip as I take a sniff, fold the paper lengthwise, fold it crosswise and put it into my shirt pocket.
“Come, let me show you how to cook it.” She leads me to the small kitchen with wall shelves on three sides. As she works, she explains aloud in her melodious sugary voice.
“First, put the pot of water on the stove.” She puts the wolfberry seeds, angelica sinensis slivers and black dates in a colander and rinses them under a flowing tap for several seconds. “Wash all ingredients and dump them in the pot.” She goes to the fridge, opens the door and bends over. My jaw drops. Straightening up, she turns round to face me and dangles something like a sausage between her thumb and forefinger. “Here’s the bull penis.” She giggles. “Six inches long!” She places it on a chopping block, takes out a knife from a drawer and starts to slice it. “Now cut it lengthwise along the urethra.” She steps to the sink and douses the bull penis thoroughly with running water. “The urethra must be washed carefully to
get rid of urine and urine smell.” She whips out a fry pan, adds some oil and throws in a few slices of ginger. “Now, stir-fry the bull penis until it’s half-cooked. The ginger will mask all odours.” She dries the bull penis with a piece of paper towel and tosses it in the frying pan. The smell of cooking starts to whirl around in the kitchen. “Oops, I forgot the cooker hood.” She jabs a switch on a wall and the steam gets sucked away by the whirring fan in the cooker hood. After stirring the contents in the pan continually for ten minutes, she uses a pair of chopsticks to pincer the bull penis and tosses it into the pot. She puts the lid on, takes off her apron and says, “Come, let’s wait in the dining room. Let it simmer for about twenty minutes for it to be cooked.”
For half an hour I chat with Madelyn about her plans while in KL and about her forthcoming cookbook before she enters the kitchen and brings out the soup. I swallow the first spoonful and my senses heighten. It has a herbal flavour and I drain the whole bowl in a jiffy.
“How’s the taste?” Madelyn clasps her hands together and leans forward against the table. “Is it delicious?”
“Refreshing and flavourful.”
“But how do you feel?” She flutters her eye lashes and purses her red lips. “Any sensation?” She winks.
I feel my face turning hot from embarrassment. “No, nothing,” I say, smiling sheepishly. “Maybe the soup's effect will work later.” I look at my watch. “I better make a move. Thank you so much, Madelyn.” I rise from my chair and grimace at the sudden tight fit at the crotch of my pants.
MY LATEST NOVEL
ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).
The book is also sold in Europe, Japan and Australia by the following e-retailers:
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
ebook version will be available soon.