Sunday, March 30, 2014
Sexy Jessica gives nightclubber Chow Kah tips on how to flirt with a girl
[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]
“There’s a hot gal in my office and I’m trying to get close to her,” Chow Kah says as he flips the menu. “Jess, you know all the tricks in the book on flirting. Any tips?” He looks up at the Myanmar waiter at our table. “Campari and soda. A plate of chicken tacos.”
I lean back on the sofa and look around the other tables in the hall of Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke. Most of them are taken up, while a few have “Reserved” signs. A new all-girl band is on today and Chow Kah, Hussein and I wanted to see them in action.
Jessica snaps her fingers at the waiter. “My usual drink.” She crosses her leg at the knees, and says to Chow Kah. “Flirting is an art that can be learned but it's not rocket science." She is clad in a red frilly bikini set, and long silky hair flows down her shoulders.
Wearing a polka dot bow-tie, the waiter -- scribbling on his notepad -- mumbles “Rose syrup with kacip fatimah” to himself and Jessica shoots him a glare for his indiscretion, her lips in a scowl. I smile to myself. A citrus aroma from the air-freshener wafts past me, making me feel alert.
Hussein, one arm around the shoulder of Wati beside him, asks. “Has she been introduced to you?”
“Yeah, that HR sonofabitch took her round the office and introduced her to everyone.”
“Sonofabitch?” Wati asks, eyes widening. She has on a red frilly bikini similar to Jessica's.
“That guy’s a jerk! Anyway, that’s a different issue. Please continue, Jess.”
“Rum and coke, lots of ice,” I say to the waiter, who scribbles furiously in his pad.
“Bintang beer, a big bottle,” Hussein says. He turns to Wati, “Darling, we share?”
I see Wati nod her head. The waiter strides away.
Wati says, “It pays to learn how to flirt, Chow Kah.” Her red lips part into a grin. “Successful flirting can lead to a first kiss!”
“Wow!” I mock.
“You can always start by paying her a compliment," says Jessica. "Her dress, her hair-do, whatever. You need not say it face to face. You can use office email or text her. At the conference table, during a meeting, you can also show her a thumb-up sign after she has made a presentation. Girls like compliments."
“I see,” says Chow Kah.
“Start a neutral topic to talk with her. Ask her hobbies, her favourite TV shows, movies and so forth. How she de-stresses or relaxes is an excellent opportunity you can capitalize on. She may go for tai chi in the evening, a morning jog or dancing. If you already know her fairly well, say you would like to join her. Don’t be shy. Remember, faint heart never won fair lady. There’re lots of one-liners you can pick up from the Internet. Sprinkle them in your conversation. Whatever you do, be yourself. Don’t try to project any fake image.”
“A macho hunk, a cool dude, a joker, a smooth talker. Get the drift?”
“Are dirty jokes flirty?”
“Well, depends on how it is said and in what context. Also depends on how close you are to her. If she’s on Facebook, it’d be better to post cute jokes or inspirational notes on her page. A time will come when you’ll know whether you and she have the right chemistry.”
A hostess with an hourglass figure slinks past our table and I give her an admiring glance. Jessica looks at me. “Maybe you can ask Ewe to write a few poems for you.” She looks back at Chow Kah. “You know, personalize them. Slip these poems somewhere in her desk where she will find them. Don’t leave them openly where other staff can see it. The other girls may tease her, and she may blame you. Some shithead bosses also don’t like office romances.”
Hussein snaps his fingers. “Her car windscreen, under the wiper!”
“Come on, quit the joking.” Jessica runs her tongue in her mouth for a moment. “When you’re out with her, use your body language to express interest in her. Gaze into her eyes once in a while or for longer than necessary but don’t stare like a maniac. In the intermediate stage of flirting, accidentally brush against her, and see her reaction. If she’s wearing perfume, move into her personal space. Take a sniff and compliment that she smells good.”
“But what if I get close to her and finds she has bad breath?”
I chuckle while Hussein guffaws and slaps his knees. Wati blows into her right palm and brings it to her nose.
“Make a joke out of it. Then offer to buy her mouthwash.”
There is a drum roll. The MC’s voice booms through the loudspeakers, “Ladieees and jeeentlemen, give a big hand for the Sex Kittens!” The curtain parts. Hoots! A thunderous applause! On stage are two busty girls plucking at their guitars and a drummer girl alternately bashing a snare drum and a rack tom. All girls are clad in skin-tight tops and mini-skirts. I turn and sweep my gaze at the other tables. A hundred pairs of eyes are bulging in their sockets. I look back at the stage to enjoy the performance.
My Latest Novel
ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).
The book is also sold in Europe and Australia at the following e-retailers:
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ebook version will be available soon.