Jessica of Hot Legs Niteclub gives tips on how to be a good mistress

(Pix of models for illustration purpose only)

“Jessica, have you got your good mistress tips ready?” I say.

Sitting on the milk-coloured soft across me, Jessica (pix above) digs a folded piece of paper out from under her T-shirt. “Yes, they’re in point form. But I’ll elaborate as I read them. Shall I start now?”

“What’s going on?” asks Chow Kah, scrunching his face.

Jessica turns sideways to look at him. “Yesterday, Ewe phoned and asked me to give tips on how to be a good mistress. He wants to post them on his blog.”

Chow Kah nods. “Aha! That's an interesting topic. Fire away, darling.”

“A girl who wants to be a mistress must first master the art of making love. Most wives perform sex only to have babies not for fun. Most men seeking a mistress are those bored with sleeping with their wives. Therefore, a girl who can perform like a porn star stands an excellent chance of becoming someone’s mistress for life, instead of short-term.” Her gaze moves from Wati’s face to Hussein’s to Chow Kah’s to mine. “Now, I don’t mean behave like a slut, far from it. She should be classy and sophisticated.

“Having said that, sex shouldn’t be the sole foundation of her relationship with her lolly papa. She should share his interests and hobbies as well. If he likes to go fishing, she should take it up as a hobby too. If he’s a voracious reader of horror novels, it’s time for her to read Stephen King. Then only will they have things to talk about, discuss about and laugh about.

“Third, she should take extra effort to make every moment with his sugar papa sweet and memorable. Be his playmate who’s fun to be with. Be romantic, not a wet blanket. For example, she can buy him small, inexpensive presents when they meet. If she doesn’t know how to be romantic, she can read this ebook called How to be Romantic by K.M. Ryan.”

“I’ve read it,” says Wati (pix below). “It’s useful for couples who want to keep romance alive in their marriage, not necessarily to be used by a mistress.” Using a toothpick, she spears a piece of pineapple from the fruit platter and brings it to her mouth.

Jessica harrumphs, take a long swallow of her Guinness Stout and lets Chow Kah dab her lips with a piece of Kleenex. “Next point -- she should be discreet about her lolly papa, not even discuss him with her best friend. KL’s not a big city and people hear gossip easily about others in the same industry. If a mistress gets her lover in trouble with his wife because of her indiscretion, he will hate her.” She fans herself with one hand and yanks off her T-shirt (pix below). "Phew! The Guinness Stout is making me feel hot."

Hussein says, “Yes, if the old bugger says no phone calls after 5 pm, she should observe that restriction.” He takes a gulp of Bir Bintang from his willybecher and burps slightly. “Sorry to interrupt, Jess, please go on.”

Jessica looks down at the paper for a moment, looks up again. “A mistress should never, never threaten to disclose the affair in an attempt to manipulate him. If the sugar daddy smells potential blackmail, he will drop her like a piece of dog shit. If she wants more of this –- ” Jessica rubs her forefinger and thumb together. “-- she should use sweet talk and persuasion, not hint a veiled threat.”

“Good advice,” says Hussein.

“My last point. A good mistress should never get emotionally involved with her sugar daddy.”

“What!” exclaims Wati (pix below), her jaw dropping, her toothpick falling to the floor.

“Yes, only in that way will the relationship be healthy. If she has fallen in love with her lover, she’s bound to be jealous of his wife and will attempt to break up his family. That’s not right.”

I show a thumb-up to Jessica. “An excellent talk, thanks, Jess. I also like your term 'lolly papa.' " I turn to Chow Kah. “Buddy, you want a mistress?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

“When my wife thinks I’m with my mistress and my mistress thinks I’m with my wife, I can come to Hot Legs Niteclub to drink.”

“Yay!” Jessica and Wati clap their hands in glee.

/end

MY LATEST NOVEL

ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg

Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).

The book is sold in Europe, Japan and Australia by the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--kinokuniya.co.jp (Japan)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)

ebook version will be available soon.

/end

Mummy Lulu of Hot Legs Niteclub leaves her hubby for good

Mummy Lulu (right pix) enters her condominium in Sunway Palazzio, kicks off her shoes and enters her bedroom.

Business has been good at Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke. She was the last to leave, after having asked the Nepali security guards to haul two drunks out before locking up the shutter door.

In the dim light, she sees her hubby Darren lying on his side in the water bed. After taking a bubble bath in the ensuite bathroom, she snuggles naked up to him, lust coursing through her veins.

“Darling, I’m back,” she whispers into his ear. “I feel horny after a hot bath. So how about a quickie?” The smell of lavender wafts about in the room.

Darren rubs his eyes and turns around. “Huh? Honey, I’m sleepy. I also have a headache. Another night, okay?”

“This is the fifth time this week you’ve said no.”

“I’ve an early business appointment tomorrow morning. I’ll make it up to you, honey.” He closes his eyes, turns over and starts to snore.

Disappointed, Mummy Lulu stares at the mirror on the ceiling -- installed by her when she and Darren got married -- for a few moments and an idea strikes her. She gets out of bed and goes to the dresser. “I’ll pretend to run away and write him a goodbye note," she mutters under her breath. “That should scare the shit out of him and make him more loving towards me.” She pulls out a note pad from the right-hand drawer and writes in cursive longhand:

Dear Darren

You don’t care for me. You’ve been taking me for granted. I’m a normal woman with healthy sexual desires and high emotional needs, but you don’t pay enough attention to them. Sorry, I’m leaving you for good. By the time you read this letter I will be thousands of miles away.

Sincerely
Lulu

Mummy Lulu tears the note off the pad and leaves it on top of the dresser. She slips into her pajamas, takes a few of her clothes from the closet and hides them. Then she goes to the living room and hides her shoes. Finally, she tip-toes back to the bedroom and crawls under the bed.

Next morning, she hears noises as Darren gets out of bed and staggers to the dresser. There is silence for a few moments. She hears him crumple her handwritten note, tosses it into the waste-basket and talks to someone on his cell phone.

“Hi darling, that old cow has finally left me. She realized that we’re incompatible. Marrying her was my biggest mistake in life. Can I pick you in an hour’s time? Let’s take the first flight to Bali for a vacation. Let’s enjoy the sea, the surf and the sex! I'll bring plenty of condoms! Bye! I love you!”

Feeling like a dagger has stabbed her heart, Mummy Lulu sees Darren’s feet as he sits at the dresser for several moments. Then she hears him getting dressed and stepping out of the bedroom. Tears flowing down her eyes, Mummy Lulu crawls out from underneath the bed. She sees a note on the dresser and reads it:

“You silly woman! I saw your legs sticking out underneath the bed! I’m buying bread from the cafeteria downstairs. Tonight, we will make wild love! I'll send your silk lingerie to the dry cleaner so that you can wear them tonight. Wet kisses. ”

Heat sears through Mummy Lulu's body, bursting through her veins like an explosion of fire. At the thought of Darren's manhood, she gasps, flinching as her womb contracts hungrily, her nipples becoming taut.

[Pixs of models for illustration purpose only]

/end


MY LATEST NOVEL

ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg
Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).

The book is sold in Europe, Japan and Australia at the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--kinokuniya.co.jp (Japan)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)

/end

Vietnam coffee at Gohtong Jaya has distinct characteristics

At Backerei café in Your Hotel at Gohtong Jaya, you can savour a variety of Vietnamese coffee. I opt for the three-in-one (RM4) which tastes dissimilar from our local version. The aroma is nutty and the taste is delicate and mild. Coffee in packets are also sold. Vietnamese coffee is of the superior coffea Arabica species. Backerei is manned by a Vietnamese lass who speaks accented English.

Hot Legs Niteclub’s hostess Sapphire teaches Chow Kah how to seduce a woman into bed

[Pix of model for illustration purpose only]

The lift slides to a stop at the car-park floor and its bell dings. An inebriated Chow Kah steps out and staggers to his car. He gets inside the BMW, fires the engine and starts to drive along the corridor between rows of vehicles. As he turns a bend, he sees a girl clad in a red dress, blowing a kiss at him. “Oh boy, this is my lucky night!” he mutters to himself as he pulls the car level with her, and slides the passenger-side power-window down.

The long-haired girl leans towards the open window and smiles. “Can you give me a lift home? I can’t start my car.” Her voice sizzles with vivacity.

Chow Kah grins. “Sure, with pleasure.”

She opens the car door and sidles her 36-inch butt on the seat. Then she swings her killer legs in and pulls the door shut. “Thank you.”

“What’re you doing here so late at night?”

“I work at Hot Legs Niteclub & Karaoke.”

“You do?” Chow Kah arches an eyebrow. “I just came out from there. I’m a regular customer. Odd, I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m not employed full-time there. I’m a college student. I go there only when I need money. So you’re bound to miss me.” She turns sideways to look at Chow Kah. “You’re a regular customer in Hot Legs? You must like to play women a lot.”

Her forthrightness startles him; he remains silent for a moment and drives up to the parking exit, its bar lowered. “My name’s Ang Chow Kah.” He slides the parking ticket into the machine. “What’s yours, honey?”

“Sapphire. You like to play women, Chow Kah?”

Chow Kah slides the power window up. “To be honest, yes. That’s why I burn so much money in Hot Legs Niteclub.”

“There’re ways to seduce a girl into bed, Chow Kah.” She points to the left with forefinger, its nail varnished pale blue. “Turn at the first left -- my condo’s in Bukit Ceylon. No need to waste money at Hot Legs. I can teach you the techniques to lure a woman into bed.” She turns sideways to glance at him. “First, realize that buying a girl a drink and taking her to a hotel room exists only in movies. To seduce your victim, er—I mean female friend, to bed, you must get close to her, know her well, bond with her.”

“I’d like to know you better, Sapphire. Can you something about yourself?”

“Ah…you’re learning fast! You’re trying to use my first guideline on me. Sorry to disappoint with you, it won’t work with me. So, let me continue. The next step is get naughty with her. Text her messages after work or call her and chit-chat with her. Note her reaction. Does she respond warmly or is she cold towards those phone calls. If she responds well, it is time to get bold. You can now test the water with flirty text messages or sexual innuendoes.”

“Time frame?”

“At least two months in the first step. After that, if she doesn’t distance herself away from you, you can take her to a spot where you and she can be alone together.” She points at the PETRONAS Twin Towers in the distance. “One excellent excuse is to take her to Lake Titiwangsa to show her their reflections in the lake at night. With the car parked in a lonely spot, get into her personal space. Observe how she reacts. If she doesn’t back away, start touching her. Run your fingers lightly over her hand. You get the drift? But don’t go too far. Just build up her sexual tension. Then call it a night. If you or your female friend stays alone, of course, there’re more opportunities to be alone with her. So, the first battle is now won. Continue the nightly phone sex and dirty SMS. But during working hours, just behave normally. Don’t even mention what happened the previous evening. Let her be slightly confused about what your intentions are. And most important, don’t boast about your evening's exploits to any male friend –- such gossip is sure to get back to her. We humans are creatures of habit. When she's used to the light petting, you can proceed to more intimate touching and gradually, she'll be happy to hop into bed with you.”

Chow Kah places his left hand on Sapphire’s lap.

“Why don’t you use both hands?”

“Fondle your lap with both hands?”

“No, drive with both hands, stupid.”

Chow Kah feigns a chuckle and takes his hand from her lap. “Sapphire, do you free-lance?”

She stares ahead at the road. “Do you like me, honey?”

“Yes, I adore you.”

“I’m not in that profession. But I like you too. You’re so kind to give a lift to a stranger. So, I’ll be happy to rock and roll with you without any charges. Only with you.”

A silver thread of droll hangs from the side of Chow Kah’s mouth. “Another stroke of good luck! There’s a motel up ahead.” He pulls the car over to the side of the road.

Half an hour later, while lying in the bed of the motel, Chow Kah calls Mummy Lulu. “Hello, Mummy, why didn’t you tell me you’ve a hostess named Sapphire? Next time, when she goes to Hot Legs, can you inform me? I’d like to book her.” As he speaks, he can hear Sapphire taking a shower in the bathroom.

“Sapphire? You sure?”

“Yes, slightly broad face, sensual lips, long hair. I met her in the car park just now. She’s now prepping herself in the shower to boom-boom with me!”

“Chow Kah, listen carefully. Sapphire worked in Hot Legs three years ago. She got involved with a married man, got pregnant. But he dumped her. She committed suicide by jumping from the car-park floor. She wore red when she died. Her spirit’s powerful during the seventh month. Get out of the room now!”

Chow Kah's scrotum suddenly shrivels; the hair on the back of his neck stands on end. Stark naked, he leaps from the bed and grabs his car key from the side table. Jerking the room door open, he bolts down the corridor, tramps down the staircase two steps at a time and hightails for his car parked on the side of the road.

/end

ISBN (Paperback): 978-981-4423-84-4
ISBN (ebook): 978-981-4423-85-4
Length: 272 pages
Publisher: Monsoon Books, Singapore
Link: monsoonbooks.com.sg

Available in Malaysia and Singapore from Popular Bookstore, Kinokuniya, MPH (both store and online) and Select Books Singapore (selectbooks.com.sg).

The book is sold in Europe, Japan and Australia by the following e-retailers:
--amazon.co.uk (UK)
--amazon.fr (France)
--bol.com (The Netherlands)
--bokus.com (Germany)
--adlibris.com (Denmark)
--platekompaniet.no (Norway)
--books-express.ro (Romania)
--nejlevnejsi-khihy.cz (Czechoslovakia)
--kinokuniya.co.jp (Japan)
--booktopia.com.au (Australia)

ebook version will be available soon.

/end

Hooters operates in Singapore and several cities in China but Chow Kah not impressed

[Hooters Beijing]

“Chow Kah, Jess told me that you’re going to Singapore during the Merdeka holidays end of the month?” I say into the mouthpiece of my moby. “Why not go to Hooters in Clarke Quay and tell me all about it?”

“Oh shucks! Hooters Girls in Singapore are no big deal. They’re less sexy.”

“Hey, I was referring to the food! The beers, the drinks! Not the girls! Since you’ve mentioned them, you mean they’re less endowed?”

“Not exactly. The government has imposed restrictions on the girls' uniforms. They show less cleavage. Same thing in China. You can check out the girls' photos on their China and Singapore websites. They’re hooterschina dot com and hooters dot com dot sg respectively.”

Hooters Inc., an American sports-theme restaurant chain, operates 460 outlets in USA and more than 25 branches in foreign countries. There are more than 25,000 Hooters Girls worldwide.

[Hooters Beijing]

[Hooters Singapore]

/end

The good, the bad and the ugly at Gurney Drive Hawker Centre

[Pixs copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

During my last visit to Gurney Drive Hawker Centre in late July, I ate from three stalls. The Good: the pasembur was excellent as its gravy had the right balance of spices. The Bad: The Chinese satay stall was ugh! I ordered its pork satay which was horribly dry and fibroid. Even its gravy lacked flavour. Another thumb-down was the char kwey teow stall in the centre row. Possibly its flat noodle was of inferior quality or the wok was not hot enough. The Ugly: When I stepped out of my car after parking at the side of the road, a matronly hawker displayed her bumbledom with an unwelcome derisive warning: "You can get fined for parking here. Can't you see? Got yellow line!"

/end

Penang Road's Teochew Chendol opens outlets at Lebuh Keng Kwee and Paradigm Mall in PJ

[Pixs copyright Ewe Paik Leong]

Penang Road's Teochew chendol is actually located at Lebuh Keng Kwee where it has opened an outlet, just twenty paces from its stall. The nearest parking is opposite KOMTAR Walk where you can take a short cut through a back lane. For Klang Valley folks, you can eat this dessert at Paradigm Mall in Kelana Jaya. Slurp a mouthful of the chendol and the powerful aroma of its palm sugar explodes like a mini nuclear bomb in your mouth.

/end