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Saturday, December 26, 2020

“Would you learn novel-writing from an instructor who has never published a novel?” asks Mummy Lulu


Mummy Lulu plants an elbow on her desk and rests one side of her face on her palm. “Would you learn novel-writing from an instructor who has never published a novel?”    

I flick my gaze from the accoutrements in her study to her face.  “Why you ask?”

Kicking at the floor to slide sideways on her castored chair, Mummy Lulu picks up an apple from one end of her desk. “Here, have an apple; it’s a Washington apple.” She hands the apple to me.” She returns to her former spot at the typewriter. 

“I was searching for novel-writing instructors on the Internet and found several.” Her gaze captures mine. “But, odd, a few of them have never published any novels before.”

I sink my teeth into the apple. “Name them.”

“Naw, better not.” A scowl sharpens the lines on Mummy Lulu's face.  “I don’t want to scatter sand in their rice bowls.”

“A good writer does not necessarily make a good teacher; a good writing teacher isn’t necessarily a good writer.”

“Gee… I'm sceptical about what you say.” Mummy Lulu scratches the back of her head. “Tell me, why would a woman want to learn fellatio from a virgin nun?” She continues to batter the keys of her typewriter. 

My jaw goes slack. Bits of apple drop from my mouth. 

/end

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

"Happy Christmas to all Christian readers of the Wordslinger blog," says Jessica


"Merry Christmas," says Jessica (pix below), "and a Happy New Year to all Christian readers of the Wordslinger blog."



Sunday, December 20, 2020

Sifu Sabrina explains the feng shui aspect of the Chinese Winter Solstice Festival

My knuckles rap on the wooden door of Sifu Sabrina’s office in Low Yat Plaza, and a muffled voice from the other side says, “Come on in.”

Easing the door open, I step inside and my eyes gobble up the scene in the room. They turn bulgy like a lizard’s!

Sitting a few feet from her desk, Sifu Sabrina locks gazes with me, her skimpy outfit showing a dangerous amount of flesh, her right hand holding a feng shui book aloft. “Holy cow, Ewe!” Her red lips turn into a beautiful sight as she speaks. “I haven’t seen hair nor hide of you in months!” 


From a plastic bag, I take out two lidded plastic bowls of tang yuan and set them on Sabrina’s rosewood desk. “Ta-da! I brought tang yuan for you!” I sit in the visitor’s chair and push one bowl towards her. “Can you tell me the feng shui aspect of the Winter Solstice Festival?” From the plastic bag, I whip out two small spoons.

Sabrina tosses her book aside and rises to her feet. “Sure, my pleasure.” She pushes her chair to her desk, squeezes in the space between the chair and the desk and plonks her butt down.    


I open the lid of my bowl, revealing colourful glutinous rice balls floating in sweet screwpine soup.  The aroma of screwpine swirls upward, colliding with the scent of ylang ylang from Sabrina’s perfume.   

“In the Northern Hemisphere,” Sabrina says, “the Winter Solstice marks the shortest hours of daylight and the longest hours of darkness.” She spoons a rice ball into her mouth, chews and takes a swallow. “Thereafter, daylight hours gradually become longer. So, this celebration signifies a new beginning, the return of yang and renewed optimism.”

I slurp some soup into my mouth. “Tsssk…the ginger’s a bit too hot.”

“I’m fine with it.” Sabrina’s lips curl in a smile a few molars short of a grin. “Tang yang are round and eaten by family members as part of a reunion feast. A circular shape denotes harmony. Hopefully, there'll be no quarrels among family member after the reunion feast."

“Origin of the tang yuan?”

“Ancient China ... during those bad old days ... many people fell sick and died during winter. One traditional doctor, Zhang Zhongjing—he lived during the Han Dynasty— concocted a prescription of medicinal herbs to be cooked with minced mutton. The ingredients were wrapped in flour dough, boiled and served as soup. After consuming the food, the sick recovered and the healthy didn't fall sick. Tang yuan is, therefore, regarded as an auspicious food, in the same manner as Mandarin oranges during CNY."

I finish my tang yuan and replace the bowl and its lid into the plastic bag.

“In China," Sabrina continues, "there's a tradition of giving shoes and socks to one’s elders on Dongzhi. This gesture is to bless them with longevity.” Sabrina mops her upper lip with her tongue. “But it's no longer observed in Malaysia.” She pushes her empty bowl to me with slender manicured fingers, and I pick it up together with its lid and return them to the plastic bag.

“Thanks for talking with me.” I take my leave with the plastic bag.

Before the office door closes behind me, I hear Sifu Sabrina say, “I wish Chinese readers of your blog Happy Dongzhi!”

/end

Friday, December 18, 2020

Tips for writing tribal in English by Golda Mowe of Sarawak

Renowned Sibu-based author Golda Mowe has created a blog to give tips to indigenous writers who want to write in English.

Link is https://tipsbygolda.blogspot.com/

Her excellent tips are applicable to other genres of creative writing as well.

 She also has a Youtube channel which mirrors the articles in her blog. Check it out at:

 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCql5OnVbdvE6RMzo0cpLOkg

Golda Mowe is the author of the novels Iban Dream, Iban Journey and Iban Woman. Her latest works are two children’s books; namely, The Laughing Monster and The Nanobots. 



/end

 

Saturday, December 12, 2020

Jessica visits a gay barbershop

I look at the image (pix above) on the screen of Jessica’s mobile phone and my face scrunches in a wince. “Eeeeek! Where’s this gay barbershop?”

“It’s in Taipei, a unisex joint,” says Jessica (pix below), sitting across me in a cafe and sipping her drink. “Chengdu Road area.”  She retrieves her handphone from me and slips it inside her handbag. “Taiwan is liberal with gays and if you’re writing another Undercover title, put this fact in the book.” 

A minute ago, I bumped into Jessica in the corridor of a shopping mall.  She was wearing a mask (pix below) but I could recognise her from her spectacular assets.

 

“I’m just waiting for an opportunity to travel. How’s the gang of Hot Legs?”

“Hot Legs Nightclub is still closed. Wati’s gone back to Indonesia, Mummy Lulu’s now selling claypot chicken rice online. At one time,  Johnny Yap wanted to set fire to the nightclub so he could claim insurance money! But we talked him out of it.”

Jessica and I talk shop for a while and, before going separate ways, we promise to keep in touch. 

/end