Boss barked like a dog

When my buddy, Lee Ah Boo, first came to Kuala Lumpur from Peanng, he worked for a British company in Jalan Raja Chulan. His boss, a Mr Patrick Brown, was only 160 cm tall, half-bald and fat.

Because of his lack of height, he had an inferiority complex and would humiliate his staff who were taller than him whenever opportunities arose. Lee, who was the tallest in the office, bore the brunt of Brown's tongue-lashings.

On one occasion, Lee made a booboo in some invoices. When the client complained to Brown, he hollered at him in a voice that could be heard from one end of the office to another. That was the last straw and Lee decided to get even with Brown.

Lee made a bet with his colleagues that he would make Brown bark like a dog. If he won, they would have to buy him a ten-course dinner at the Shangri-la Hotel.

The next morning, Lee went to se Brown.

"Yes, anything?" asked Brown.

"I need your advice, sir," said Lee.

"Oh, about what?"

"Lately, there has been a spate of burglaries in the area I am staying," said Lee.
"My neighbour's house was almost broken into two nights ago, but luckily, he keeps a dog. When it saw the would-be burglar, it barked and this frightened him away."

"What's this got to do with me?" asked Brown.

"I understand you're an animal lover, sir."

"Yes, I love dogs."

"Then I hope you can share your knowledge of dogs with me," said Lee. "I went to the SPCA yesterday evening to look for a dog. There were many dogs which appeared suitable as watchdogs. But one dog caught my attention as it was tall and muscular. Unfortunately, its bark goes Yau! Yau! Yau! Sir, do you think it will make a good watchdog?"

"By Golly, it won't," said Brown. "A good watchdog should bark Woof! Woof! Woof! Yowling dogs are useless for scaring off intruders."

As Brown's door was open, Lee's colleagues overhead everything and sniggered at the way he had won his wager.

A week later, Brown's eye developed an infection. As he was leaving his home to see a doctor, he accidentally stepped on the tail of his dog. It nipped him in the ankle, tearing one leg of his trousers at the hem.

After Brown had his eyes examined by the doctor, he asked for some ointment for his ankle. The doctor asked what had happened and Brown told him.

In jest, the doctor said: "Perhaps your dog has an eye infection too and can't see well. Otherwise, why should it bite you?"

When Brown got home, he thought about the burglaries that Lee had told him.

"To guard my property, my dog must have good eyesight," he told himself.

So he shared the doctor's medicine with his dog, including dispensing eye drops in the animal's eyes.


/end

Tit for tat

"It's a heaven-sent opportunity," said Sarawathy to Selva Rajoo, my barber, "and one would be a fool to miss it. I've seen the young man; he is good-looking and his father Jaganathan is well-off."

"But if they are rich, why should they consider Indrani for their son?"

"Why, Selva," protested Sarawathy. "Our Indrani is the prettiest girl in Sentul. Where can they find a girl like her?"

"True, true," said Selva.

As Selva went about snipping my hair, he listened thoughtfully to his siser elaborate her point.

It was near closing time in the hair saloon. I was the only customer and was listening to the conversation between him and his sister.

It was decided that a friend would act as a go-between to invite the Kumars over so that they could see the girl.

"But there is one hitch," said Selva. "How about Dewi?"

Dewi was Selva's sister who had been in and out of a mental hospital several times. Whether a strain of madness ran in Selva's family, no one knew but this was something they did not want to Kumars to know.

"It's simple," said Sarawathy. "We can send her away for a few days."

What transpired later, according to Selva, was that the Kumars were satisfied with the girl. A week later, the Rajoos returned the visit. The Kumars live in an old single storey bungalow in Brickfields. But the inside of the house was different. It was furnished with carved Italian furniture. A piano occupied one corner and a home theatre system stood in another corner. The kitchen was equipped with a microwave oven, induction cooker and dish-washing machine.

All the way home, the Rajoos chatted excitedly. The match was as good as settled. Indrani was lucky girl. She wouldn't have to do any work after marriage.

On Deepavali, I visited Selva to partake of festive goodies.

The Rajoos were about to leave to visit the Kumars, and I was invited to join them. "Come and see my son-in-law's place."

When we arrived, the Rajoos were shocked. Gone were the Italian furniture, home theature system and the electrical appliances in the kitchen.

Mrs Rajoo couldn't help expressing her shock, and Mrs Kumar explained that her husband had lost heavily in the stock market. Thus, there was a need for austerity.
The Rajoos found Indrani in the kitchen cooking lunch using a gas cooker.

Jaganathan and I were sitting alone in the living room. "Hope you don't mind my asking," I said, munching some muruku. "My friend Selva said you were doing very well. What happened?"

"That bugger Mr Rajoo thinks I don't know about his sister who is mad eh? I made enquiries and his neighbours told me. He's not honest, trying to hide her from us. Anyway, it's a case of tit for tat because I played a nice trick on him, too. I knew his family is awed by first impression. So I hired the entire stuff from a shop. I fooled them into thinking I was rich, didn't I?" said Jaganathan, laughing uproariously.