Amorous encounters that backfire

Sex is not alway a fun activity. Sometimes the encounter can boomerang back in a hilarious way.

A few years ago, my ex-colleage K. K. Soong was given an incentive trip to the United States by being the top advertisement-space saleperson in the company. Soong was a handsome chap but extremely short sighted, and wore spectacles as thick as magnifying glasses.

When I asked him to tell me about the worst part of his vacation, he shook his head, smiling wryly. According to him, he had picked up a blonde in a San Francisco bar. He bought her several drinks and they chit-chatted. Then he took her to his hotel room and more booze was consumed. They made love and fell asleep. In the middle of the might, he awoke and made love to her again, finding to his delight she was willing and eager. Then he fell asleep in her arms.

The next morning, he got out of bed. When he put on his spectacles, he noticed his companion lying spread-eagle on the bed and saw with horror the pondan's (Malay for "transvestite") enormous male organ.

"How could you make love to a pondan twice and not realise it?" I asked him.

"I don't know but I was very drunk," he said. "I was also not wearing my spectacles, and the lights were dim, very dim."

Another man whose amorous escapade backfired was my neighbour's son. One night, I heard a commotion in my neighbour's apartment. My neighbour, Mrs. Thong, was screaming at the top of her voice: "Let go of my son! Let go of my son!"

I rushed to her apartment and banged on the door. "What's the matter, Mrs. Thong?" I asked.

Mrs. Thong opened the door and let me in. "It's my son and daughter-in-law," She said. "They're in trouble."

Six months ago, Mrs. Thong had advertised for a wife in a newspaper. The advertisement which had been drafted by me, had ran like this: MAN STRONG AS BULL SEEKS WOMAN STRONG AS COW TO BE LIFELONG PARTNER. Six months later, a girl was married to him.

As I sat in the living room, Mrs. Thong told me she heard her son and daughter-in-law scream for help in their bedroom.

"The door was latched but I managed to force it open with a crowbar," she said. "When I got inside, I saw them both naked in bed and unable to be separated -- after having made love. My son's face was pale and he appeared to be half-conscious, whie my daughter-in-law was cringing in embarrassment."

"I'll call a doctor while you try something," I said. Mrs Thong first applied medicated oil on her daughter around her groin but it did not work. She was still unable to release her husband. Then Mrs. Thong rushed to the bathroom and tottered back with a bucket of water.

She splashed the bucket of water on the couple. But they were still stuck. SPLASH!
The couple were drenched a second time. SPLASH! Another bucket. But the couple were still in union.

"Aiyah, why can't it work on humans?" exclaimed Mrs Thong. "I've separated mating dogs with this method before."

Finally, the doctor arrived and administered a muscle relaxant into Mrs. Thong's daughter-in-law who eventually released her husband.

A week later, Mrs Thong commented to me: "According to a Chinese sinseh, my daughter-in-law had too much yin, and somehow my son suffered an attack of wind -- kena angin."

/end