Wife puts husband's roving eye on hold

Browsing through a newspaper, I came across an advertisement by a fitness centre that offered a concession on membership fees during its promotion period.

As I had been feeling lethargic lately, I decided to visit the centre to see what it had to offer.

The proprietor of the centre was a Mr. Samson Soong. He was a former body-building champ and had a handshake like a vice.

He said: "Each new member is given a fitness evaluation test that comprises aerobic, flexibility and strength before an individual programme is assigned. Our facilities include a sauna, two jacuzzis and a bar serving fresh fruit juices and snacks.

"Our instructor has a degree in Physical Education and we also offer a massage service to complement the workout sessions. By the way, are you married?"

I said: "Yes. Why?"

He said: "Then you have every reason to join us. We have many members who are married men and they have reported healthier sex lives. Physical fitness and a saisfying love life go hand in hand. Besides, we give discounts to couples."

"My wife is into aerobics already."

He said: "That's good. But women would benefit would lifting weights, too. Do you know that the pectoralis major and the gluteus maximus help form the curves of a woman?"

I asked: "The what?"

He said: "These are the muscles of the chest and buttocks respectively. If a woman develops these muscles, she adds inches in the right places. So, she becomes more shapely."

He led me to the gymnasium.

A man and a woman were working out. The man was plodding on a treadmill while the woman was lifting weights on a bench press.

Mr. Soong said: "That's Mr. and Mrs. Sng. They take their exercise programmes seriously. Come rain or shine, they'd be here every day."

There was no doubt that Mrs. Sng was an exercise fanatic. Her shoulders were broader than mine and her arms and legs were the size of tree trunks.

Mr. Soong said: "Excuse me while I go and get you some brochures and forms. Feel free to look around for a while."

I was looking at some equipment when two girls in leotards came in.

One of them placed an MP3 on the carpeted floor near a mirror and switched on dance music. Then the two girls pranced and gyrated in unison.

A short while later, one of the girls said to the other: "Hey, that's enough. Let's go to the sauna."

When they had left, Mrs. Sng said: "Lou kung! (Cantonese for "husband"). Don't think I didn't see what you were staring at!"

Mr. Sng was startled and looked sheepish. Regaining his composure, he said: "Lou phor (Cantonese for "wife"), I was just trying to learn some aerobic movements from them."

"So, you were admit you were staring at them! If I weren't here, I don't know what you'd have done."

She went to her husband and gripped him in a side headlock.

"Let's see if you dare do it again, " she said, exerting her full force.

Mr. Sng yelped like a puppy: "Aiyaaak... aiyaaak... let go, please. I won't do it again, I promise."

She released him.

At that moment, Mr. Soong appeared. "Here are our exercise programmes and two membership forms. One for you and one for your wife."

I said: "Only one membership form will do. I'll let my wife stick to her aerobics."

Imagine if my eyes should stray. And the next second, my wife has me in the grip of a wrestler's full Nelson!

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