Close encounters of a hilarious kind

My wife and I went shopping at a deparment store where there was a sale. At the ladies department, she selected three pieces of garments and went to a fitting room. I offered to hold her handbag.

As I waited for her, I browsed among the dresses for want of something better to do. It was then that I noticed a man looking at me.

I ignored him. He continued to look at me from head to toe. When I looked at him, he looked the other way. Probably an in-house detective, I told myself. The man loitered toward me.

I looked at him and he smiled. I looked behind me in case he was smiling at a girl but there was no one. As he had smiled at me, I smiled in return.

Then he said: "Many people in the store, huh?"

As I was curious to know what he was up to, I said: "Yes, but everything's cheap."

"My name's Joseph Chow? My friends call me Joe. Can we be friends?"

"Why"

"I guess you could say we have a common interest."

"What do you mean?"

"Ah... you are shy. I was shy too. But I got used to it."

"No, I am not shy."

"Look friend, let's be frank. You're gay like me, aren't you?"

"Of course, not!"

"Then why are you carrying a handbag?"

"It's my wife's! Here she is."

I did not tell her my new-found friend. Some women might not understand these things.

We next went to the lingerie department. Something caught her fancy and she stopped to talk to a salesgirl.

I walked ahead and waited.

Suddenly, I heard a woman behind me said: "Lou kung (Cantonese for "husband"), get me size 36, quick! Three quarter cup! Return these."

I turned just in time to see an arm fling two pairs of brassieres to me from the direction of a fitting-room door which was slightly open.

I caught the brassieres with my right hand.

I said: "Hey, I am not your lou kung!"

But it was no use. The woman in the fitting room could not hear me. I looked around. Several women were staring at me.

At that moment, an old woman came up to me.

She hollered: "Ai-yah! You hum sup man! How dare you take my daughter's bras?"

I said: "I didn't take them. She threw them at me!"

Suddenly, a man appeared. His shirt was the same colour as mine.

"It's alright, Mother-in-law. Let me handle this," he said to the old woman.

Expecting him to give me at least a karate chop, I was relieved when he said: "I saw what happened. I'm sorry my wife mistook you for me. Can I have the bras back?"

I said: "By all means."

By this time my wife had joined me.

"It must have been boring for you," she said. "The next time I go shopping, you stay at home."

If only she knew... if only she knew.

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